Nicole Eden Jan 3

i stare into the temptress waters of your soul
i search for you upon the shadows
water droplets linger on my fingertips
the waves move as if they were in an argument with the moon
i stare the moon in it's eyes
searching for your soul
instead i find it in a treasure box under the sea
the box is locked and i do not have the key

Nicole Eden Jan 3

the ocean is majestic
it calls me by name
the ocean is a song
it lulls me to sleep
the ocean is my future
unknown and secretive
the ocean is my guardian
it protects and watches out for me
the ocean is my home
it makes me feel like i belong

Nicole Eden Jan 6

i keep wanting to write about you
but the feelings are so complicated
i struggle to find the right words

you are my best friend
you are also more than my best friend
we have this connection
you cannot deny the tension
when we are alone in the room

why do you pretend to ignore it
why do you pretend you like her better
why do you pretend that you're not hurting
why do you pretend that everything will be okay

why do you make me pretend it will all be okay?

you are the reason i learned to pretend

  Dec 2017 Nicole Eden

If there’s one thing that unifies you and me, it’s heartbreak
If you’ve never experienced it to the fullest, you’ve seen it somewhere.
On your favorite tv shows, that song on the radio, on the girl’s face at the bar
On your lover’s face when you walk out the door the last time

And when you do feel it for the first time, you’ll want to be alone but please don’t be alone
You’ll want to bottle it up but
that’s a breakdown at work waiting to happen
That’s crying to his friends
That’s calling him after 1am, knowing he isn’t asleep yet
That’s driving by his apartment and holding your breath
That’s feeling like your hometown isn’t yours anymore, it’s a place you used to be with him

It’s feeling like the seasons are taunting you of when you were in love
The first fall of snow is the feeling of his hug
The lighting of the tree reminds you of warm cups of coffee on the couch
You dread New Year’s Eve because only 365 days ago, you danced with him in the street as the clock struck midnight
It’s knowing you will dance alone this year

You don’t look at your body the same way. You know how he saw it and you don’t see the beauty he did anymore
Your face doesn’t look like yours, it’s the one he used to hold in his hands
like a sparking jewel
He could marvel forever
I know he’s the first thing you think of when you wake up alone
And he wakes up next to her

Something that used to feel so concrete has been pummeled to dust
and now you’re left to scatter the ashes
So you drive by, the commons, the bbq joint, the movie theater, the lighthouse, the coffee shops, the all night diners, the book shops, the arcades, the antique stores, all the places you’ve made memories together
But please toss your heartache out the driver’s side window as you pass his apartment
because now it’s the only thing you two have in common

Nicole Eden Jan 6

the ocean is the color of your bluest eyes
the sand is as fine and soft as it is when i run my fingers through your hair
the sun sears my skin in the same way as your lips do when they touch my body
the island of maui is a paradise i used to equal to laying in your arms
now i realize comparing you to paradise was me caught in my own daydream
there can be only one paradise
and sadly that is not you

Nicole Eden Dec 2017

why am i always writing about you
why did you pull me aside today
and said you needed to talk to me
you don't understand how many things ran through my head
you lifted my expectations
and then you let them fall to the ground
every time i see you
i want to tell you how much you mean to me
i want you to know what it is you make me feel
but i will never be able to explain it
you tell me to date another boy
you play with me like a toy
you ask me why don't i like him and
my heart screams and my brain aches
because all i want to do is say
it's you

Nicole Eden Dec 2017

every boy i ever know
always calls me cute
i am not a pretty girl
i am not a beautiful girl
i am not a strong girl
i am a twig
a vulnerable stick
that easily blows away in the wind
a boy messages me
they say im hot
they want my body
not my heart
the only boy who ever called me beautiful was a boy i used to love but who never truly loved me back
a boy called me beautiful the other day
he made my night
until i realized it was the curls in my hair and the dress on my body
he made me feel good in that moment
but those feelings never last

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