Godless godly engine
Dreams its fuel for
entertainment
and call it at
art

My mind is going weird again and hurting my head
I don't know what to make of it

I think
I want a male me
Or just me. I want another me. Doesn't necessarily have to be male. Can be female. Why not both. But I want another physical and spiritual embodiment of who I am as a person

A part of me just wants to hug and hold someone. And my head is automatically choosing said person, but the feeling of the mere hug and contact is overshadowing the identity of the person by a few degrees

I miss calloused hands roaming my body. And I miss body heat. I miss legs I can entangle mine with. I miss the crooks of necks. I miss snores emanating from a chest and hearing the rumble in the air from it. I miss tired faces resting and appearing destressed. I miss light groans as a body shifts positions in their sleep.

I think I can pinpoint what it is that I miss. Because although all sound like physical and verbal responses, it is not the actions, although they always go hand in hand.

I think I miss intimacy. But what is necessarily intimacy?
There's a few definitions as soon as one googles it
A close familiarity or closeness. A private, cozy atmosphere. A closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject.

My chest aches and pounds as I try to put my finger on what it is I'm searching for. The more it aches, the closer I am to finding my answer

Intimacy.
In-tih-mah-see.
In-to-me-see.
See-in-to-me.
Intimacy is to see in to me.
It is to let and allow someone to see you for who you are, to know what makes you a being.
But not necessarily in your head.

Intimacy is the knowledge of how another person's mind control's their body. How the body reacts to acts that can cause the mind to blank or move forward just off-beat of the body.

It's dragging your fingertips over their body and feeling the goosebumps rise as a laugh comes from the mouth over the words "popcorn butter is actually coconut oil with artificial flavoring" and feeling your eyes connect the dots between those goosebumps to their face and your brain noticing the connection between noises and nerve endings.

Intimacy is a weird state to be in. Because too much can cause the mind to blank and overload itself with serotonin and dopamine. All the while there is never enough time in the world to drag on that forever feeling
It's the act of getting lost in a person and discovering bits and pieces of how you affect said person.
In body, in mind, in response

I think I'm done because I don't know how else to frame my words. My head hurts and my chest pounds with equal force. I believe it's time for me to bid adieu and deal with this in the dreamscape

I didn’t see it coming,
It wasn’t set on my nightly planner.  
4 sober hours ago seem so far away now.  
On my left hand,
cherry red lipstick smug stains shows memories of a forgotten night that I’ll always have to regret.  
See, I only wish it was lipstick.  
Truthfully, I know that 2 hours and a 5th of ***** earlier I was all to worried about which girl I want to take home.  
Stumble 1 drunken hour later,
keg stands and **** rips have me defying gravity and federal law.
My beer googles are activated,
I’m captivated with the idea of driving.  
30 smashed minutes forward,
I finally reach the forbidden fruit with
2
beautiful blonde blue-eyed babes.  
Tumbling into our seats,
we were invincible.  
Plastering our way forward through empty roads and city streets,
I’m reminiscent on stop signs and brake lights.  
I hear cherry red lips speak sensual words into my ear,
whispers of achieving my goal.
It’s stated eyes are windows to the soul,
this is true because I could see it in the reflection of pupils,
a single tree along with it.  
I turn my beer goggles quick enough to see this wasn’t a tanked-up nightmare but,
the bark of a beast that makes no noise.  
I saw 2 beautiful blonde blue-eyed girls fly threw my windshield,
I wonder what their moms will say.  
I got wrecked to wreck the lives of not only myself but
of entire families and lives
that weren’t even created yet.  
I’ll never know the wonders I killed,
the hopes I stabbed,
the dreams I cut down deeply into their veins and watched them bleed out.  
30 somber minutes I spent finding nothing else to blame,
it’s all on me,
I was the drunk judge, jury and executioner.  
Now, I look to my left hand,
wishing 4 sober hours ago,
I could’ve saw it coming.

Your lips were so small against mine
Slick, soft, slippery, alive
Pulsating imperceptibly
Sticky, sugar, chewing gum spit
The taste of children's wine
Ambrosia, Spanish fly kisses
Sweeter than old bones can stand
Electricity that forces eyelids shut
Shocks, sends spiraling
Into another dimension with you alone
Joined together, flying or falling free
We made a Heaven out of nothing at all
Ruled the darkness and named it "light"
Let it shine on our naked souls
Pressing against denim, moistening cotton and silk
I slightly opened my eyes to steal a peek
To see if yours were closed
To see the roundness of the orbs
Indeed sheathed beneath thin skin

I traced those small lips with my tongue
As if to gauge their width
I kissed your cheeks, your nose, your eyes
But always back to those lips
How many hours lying there
Did I taste the Doublemint gum
That was somewhere in your mouth?
And pushed the candy to the side
Whenever it got in my way

I woke up when I sensed the change
Peppermint grotesquely morphed
Into stale tobacco
Thirty years came crashing in
Memories of plans abandoned
Empty prayers, empty mouths
Good times, bad times
But never that Heaven again
Whose to say you'd be the same
Had things not changed, had you remained
We are not the captains of our own destinies
Our ships are fated to never again cross
In daytime or night
Perhaps you stopped loving me the hour in which you left
My love for you died a slow and painful death
In it's last years it barely had a pulse
But I remember when that thing stopped beating
It was when I found out you'd started smoking
After you walked away
And the thought of Doublemint and Marlboro mixed together
Makes me sick

(20 minute poetry)

The boy with the goggles looked a little bit like Biggles.

On a ride away into a brighter day and I'll head for the hills to where my favourite hideaway waits.

So this boy who looked like Biggles with his goggles on googles me,
I don't mind
though I'm
not sure what he'll find once inside the web.

Haha giggling Biggles takes off his goggles and googles me more and it doesn't even tickle which is a bit of a bore.

In my hideaway, I see all sorts of strange things as if strange things had a part to play in this film of my life.

Today is the day for the breakaway,
the day I become the takeaway and the hideaway will just have to hide away until I visit again probably Wednesday or whenever the weather permits.

And what then of Biggles with goggles he wears like they're Rayban's?
I was one of biggest fans and then he went away, I think that he found my hideaway,
I'll find out the truth on Wednesday
weather permitting
of course.

Surrealistic lover meet me at the danger zone
In space ships where we simulate
As you shape shift, I stay fascinated
A reptilian, an arcturian, pleiadian
The vega, a lyra, light years away

Supersonic lover kiss me at the signal house
In cellular automaton advance my grid of DNA
As we diffuse in megastructures, callibrate my power
A sirian, grays, draconian,anunnaki
The human, indigo, crystal, the rainbow

Take me to the fantasy, at the star line of illusion
Where my body glows and your DNA burrows
Take me and show me the laser in the magic cosmic
Open my heart, inject your poison,kiss my toes as you do
Disconnect my body and spirit to another dimension

Distort the optic nerve so that the reality seems normal
Transverse the solar bodies and celestial systems
Fight the hypotonic regression to recall the delusions
Climb the mountain as the peaceful dwellers wear googles
Awaiting for a UFO float and disappear from the bare land

Dont you ever,
think no one cares
that everybody hates you
no one would be friends with you
that you're just a mistake
that's been sent to earth

Because maybe,
there is a person who cares
Maybe,
there is a person that would listen to your cries
Maybe,
there is a person who wants you happy
Maybe,*
there is a person who *googles ways to make you better,
Darling trust me,
there is that person, you just haven't realize it

Googleing your hello poetry name, and typing the word poem's after it,
I only found this out when a friend of mine,
typed in,
Cat Fiske ****,
and my name came up with my hp links
and in the images I was the first three and my **** poem was one of them,
this is kinda funny I hope u all try it.

but example:
Id type:
Cat Fiske Poems

and all my stuff would come up, the more you do the more that shows up in the images and on googles. and your followers pics come up too. I find that cool as well.

What if we were a pair of old barn owls
Born to bloom posthumously
In this post-mortem moonlight
These are our fumigated farmhouses
And landscapes among the stars
Where celebrities with hardened hearts
And star-beings who only come alive at night 
Are trying to write sermons in the dark
While we sit here with ceremonies in our hearts
Wondering why confused human beings
Always try to deify the colors of the rainbow

How our vulnerability

takes a toll so naive
but we  roll

the camera

She is keeping steady

Her soft lines show stability

He took flight hands dainty

Zommed into her attitude

Giving them an ounce of

verisimilitude

Ear to ear attuned


The soft action play

"The Victorian Tuscany"

traveler, silk stay


So touch me in the morning

and don't walk away

Just love me for who I am
It's not about top scouring
Those soft tidbits take touring

You're wearing them out
Tattle Tail

Gorilla roar yes we have
bananas ta la la
Check your emails

She's too liquid forming
And turning her aching
tummy

She's the vanilla extract
yummy
The basic instinct
He's baking in his
monkey suit funny
Soft side hard taffy
pursuit

He is pigeoned toed to her
silk ties

Touched him mindboggling


He Googles to her

Explores her softer side


But softening her skin

All soft beauty topics

How they both loved

Palm trees surrender
Dorothy Spa Oz

He touched and tapped into

my tropics eating
Rainbow
"Candy Pez"

Soft cream in the middle

but hard candy
I phone smart Islanders

Tidbit bites Facebook websites

Friends and photos were the

topics take-out order

Those cool vibrations

To hear "Touch Me In
The morning"
French connections


The love me tender with

more tidbits the earful he

lifts her than after that

softer kiss no

SOS-Help

BossScalp

Tender bits

  Love------ Toss

   Hey  no loss

Tender bits of the
(Godly Cross)

The soft power

"Global Hard rock" tunes
(Rough Spots)
He's
in the shower

Never another lover
On a Sunday or Monday
In June Wedding like
payday

She the soft one
Sundae soft-serve

2 B or not to B
the tough one
Hard so deserved


Don't get intertwined

The hurt one

Vie Que and
why you

The write Queue

Two types who?

I surprise the whole you

The "High IQ"__

closer two tips

Like we became soft

"Q tips"


To **** me softly with lust
The softer side or tranquil tone
Those tender bits
Her job is the perfect fit

Soft sunny side up

Like the Foe and the Fox

Oh! "Deer" the softball

The voice intellect

Something soft hearted

And what started over

the hardship wished respite

Cool refreshing sprite

"Victorian Charmer"


The Soundcloud the shapes

How it bewildered him


Extravagance like soft soap

melancholy

Soft smile snow globe

The sun worshippers
Grecian shave she put her
tender bits of energy

Perfect balance of symmetry

It went perfectly  he was
gratefully smooth he lit up

Victorian Christmas light
Tuned up
And she became the

But soft ballet flat the
soft climate

Hawaiian baby soft
"Luxuriance"

Intrigued by his reading

Such solitude eyes softly stared

He glared right into her room

wizardly he widened

Like the idleness
her loveliness


Having a soft spot
for people

They are the luckiest
people

in the world

Happily skin after

Soothing skin
Mmmhmm

Her skin took over the stage

How many stages of soft

changes to rough


Leaving marks begins

the tender bits

Silencing she loves to sit he

marks his way

she feels him slowly
coming near

You're nearer because I love you

Kind of my thing

We all needed a soft spot

Too many rough edges

How she missed those

tender bits and binges


Hearing the words love me

tender he went inside my dream

Killing me softly with his words

Why don't you just love

me tender and who is wiser?

I feel nothing
maybe I feel a cloud that only rains in my presence but
I really feel nothing

Sometimes I see myself
in the googles of someone else who is far
very far,
watching me on a screen
and whenever I start to feel
I can feel someone else overriding
my control of myself
I am pushed to the very backseat
despite calling shotgun.

I feel nothing
except for Zeus' anger
at the ***** of my feet
in the form of volcanic lava
bubbling and toiling
as it overrides the meniscus boundary
but now
I am here
me
I am here
in my car in the driver's seat
I don't have to call shotgun
because my unconscious
yes, mine
my unconscious is all mine
and now,
I have never felt more alive.

But the lava always cools and resides,
despite the internal temperature,
solidifying only to be melted again
and I am where I belong
I am right in the backseat.

they say money can't buy happiness

tell it to the girl who shamelessly googles "how to DIY everything when you have zero budget"
who can finally breathe with ease when bills are paid and the table is not empty

seeing others with outstreached smiles and perfect white teeth that never worries about whether or not we can survive the week without drowning in debts,
never fails to remind me how money can buy expensive smiles like for sale happy pills
happiness is such a foreign language that does not exist here
at least not something we can afford

money can't buy happiness
tell it to my father who trades health for cash
who have long ago wasted the abundance of wealth on drugs and liquors
as i watch the sunshine slip on his fingers i knew that he will forever suffer the consequences- house bills, college, meals, sanity, children's hatred, children's sanity, children's rusted future

money can't buy happiness?
tell it to my mother who sells smiles for food
charming, soft, survivor
but one can never unsee the darkness carved by growing up living in scraps, hidden somewhere in that weight she carries on her shoulders
doing everything to survive and to stay afloat
she who have learned that real weakness exist in poverty

tell it to my family
who have spent restless nights fighting over bills than sharing laughter at the dinner table
because dinner table is a small wooden table and there is never enough room to contain the hunger, hatred and rage we each keep to ourselves
for every talk ends up in arguments,
pointing fingers, knuckles on walls, shattered pieces of glasses on the floor, knife on my mother's hand,
cursing, cursing, cursing..
ears i wish i could cut off
laughter is a privilege we do not feel entitled because there are too many other things to worry about
ask them if they have found happiness yet
and we will answer in chorus: what do you think?

If tomorrow starts without me,
Will my boys feel the void in the bathroom at 7:00
That used to be a song inside the shower?
Will the school guard miss greeting me back at 8:30am
“Good morning” in my own language?

If tomorrow starts without me,
Will the secretary look for me at 10:30
As parents report of me missing a meeting?
Will the server wait at the cafeteria at 12:30
but nobody shows up to order only half a portion of a meal?
Will students ask my colleagues at 14:00
whether I am sick or attending a conference?

If tomorrow starts without me,
Will neighbors notice that at 15:00
My bike still stands at the front garden?
Will the life guard at the pool notice at 18:00 that no swimmer is wearing blue green googles?

Today
I shall be heading North
but not to Alaska
( quickly Googles lyrics
and
warbles the words )

some readers may not get the reference
because they're too young
but
that's not my fault,

I think the year nineteen sixty
must have picked me
out of a hat,
I was only four then
and could hide almost anywhere.

Before I fall asleep
Just like a wean
I count sheep jumping over the fence
I laugh because some have no fur
Cause I am under a blanket made from a sheep’s wooly coat
Peaceful grass grazing animals
Until a collie barks the tame fauna’s into an enclosure
In my imagination the sheep have personality and swagger
They wear night googles and practical sports hoofs for jumping
One sheep is an olympian, never guess which event?
Yes, the high jump
Eventually I sleep and recharge
Then I wake up, I say
“enjoy today”
When night falls, I call on the sheep and a collie
Before I fall asleep

E=mc²
Quantum physic
Algebraic circular reasoning .....
Strings tied themselves in knots.   .
Before the question asked ......
Do you make up everything......
The answer came back .....
I'm a frayed knot......
Is there intelligent life out there?
A square question
Reasoning would suggest if we could find it here
here...then it could be.
For it would take intelligence to perceive it.....
So far we haven't found any......
Impedance
Fighting for peace.....
Freedom ,
Jumbo shrimp ,
Military intelegence.......
Human kind?.
Is our purpose for living just remembering to breath?
Breed....
Want and need
One from necessity...
The other from greed....
Fate and destiny......
If there is no goal
...collaboration to find it ?
We can't even agree on a map.....
How many billions of gallons of blood have stained the soil .....and we don't even have a clue where we are going
...or even know where we could go....
Go get a new pair fo shoes and jeans mmmmm........
While people die starving
...yah I just went there .....but go ahead and shine it on .......
Hurry.  .....
Find an attractive distraction to take your mind off that....
Fur reals tho....
Don't worry....
Googles' got more apps than Carters'
Got pills for that....
So.........
Don't see humans living in dumps eating rotten deacay.

Was that your fate or thier destiny.....


Well Don't just stand there ...
Do something

" they are now doing subtle
after the elephant in the room
had brought them all magnifying googles
and they had re-admitted themselves into the asylum
where their freedom is guaranteed and their voices made sense... "