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it will come when your heart is ready for it
you wouldn't see it coming
but it will arrive with just the right amount of everything

it will arrive and it will stay,
even if you don't pour your whole heart
it will stay even if you leave some parts for yourself

it will stay and not call you too much
it will stay and you wont have to beg

you will thank yourself for letting go of the wrong ones
because you are meant for bigger things
shannea magina Aug 2017
an ambition, a dream
pumped up hearts and faith
we are not as different as them

in the rain, we shivered
when duty calls they say we are brave
but our hands shakes as we gripped the spear

is it the blood,
or is it death?
what of this fear we cannot take?

the droplets turned to angry music
we were terrified
of what?

too scared to lose a roof in the storm
anxiety creeps on our beds
we are sleepless again

our comfort is not ours to keep
because life is a battle
where no one really wins
shannea magina Aug 2017
the pavement of the old structure
stings of rust and heavy air
buzzing on hallways,
dead walking

a book in her hand,
she was as beautiful as ever
her mind travels across the sea
faith for better days

the heavy air digs a hole in her heart
she had died a thousand times
one for every second she wasted,
walking on this ungrateful pavement
shannea magina Jul 2017
in this one night as the lights hide
this time our candles shimmering
in the kitchen table
illuminating candlelight

smiles and laughter
our worries forgotten  
at the back of our mind we know,
this here is golden

there i was
examining this blue moon
this blissful moment
i pray it will stay as the lights come alive
shannea magina Apr 2017
they say money can't buy happiness

tell it to the girl who shamelessly googles "how to DIY everything when you have zero budget"
who can finally breathe with ease when bills are paid and the table is not empty

seeing others with outstreached smiles and perfect white teeth that never worries about whether or not we can survive the week without drowning in debts,
never fails to remind me how money can buy expensive smiles like for sale happy pills
happiness is such a foreign language that does not exist here
at least not something we can afford

money can't buy happiness
tell it to my father who trades health for cash
who have long ago wasted the abundance of wealth on drugs and liquors
as i watch the sunshine slip on his fingers i knew that he will forever suffer the consequences- house bills, college, meals, sanity, children's hatred, children's sanity, children's rusted future

money can't buy happiness?
tell it to my mother who sells smiles for food
charming, soft, survivor
but one can never unsee the darkness carved by growing up living in scraps, hidden somewhere in that weight she carries on her shoulders
doing everything to survive and to stay afloat
she who have learned that real weakness exist in poverty

tell it to my family
who have spent restless nights fighting over bills than sharing laughter at the dinner table
because dinner table is a small wooden table and there is never enough room to contain the hunger, hatred and rage we each keep to ourselves
for every talk ends up in arguments,
pointing fingers, knuckles on walls, shattered pieces of glasses on the floor, knife on my mother's hand,
cursing, cursing, cursing..
ears i wish i could cut off
laughter is a privilege we do not feel entitled because there are too many other things to worry about
ask them if they have found happiness yet
and we will answer in chorus: what do you think?
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