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shauna-leigh Nov 2018
It’s gotten worse this week.
It’s usually bearable,
I feel like i’m constantly floating.
Nothing around me is real.
Figments of my imagination.
Puppets in a show of my dreams.
However, my dreams are reality.
They are not dreams at all.
Not in the slightest.
Sorry. I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve not really had anything to write about but this was something that was playing on my mind. I hope you like it. Sorry
Lux Falls Aug 2018
Sometimes the emptiness is the heaviest
The world feels numb
Like my connection to the world has long been disconnected
Like fingertips sanded away
Nerves sleeping
The only taste in my mouth is of the food eaten yesterday.

I live in a land of suspension
Swimming between worlds that don’t want me
Stuck as a nomad
a child of purgatory
thelemonpolice Aug 2018
I feel very depersonalised when I talk about the past
Certain things that happened feel like they didn't to me
And I was just a bystander to all the chaos
And when people ask me what happened
In my mind I open up a book
And turn it back to that factual page
And recite these lines that I wrote
To make it make sense
But I think I've read those pages so much
It doesn't mean anything to me anymore
I'm done playing hide and seek with my thoughts
Maybe if I went back to the old house
I'd go back to drawing on walls
Becoming cold
But for now
I'll hold
Onto the part
Of me that knows
I'll never be that helpless or stuck
and though things might remind me
Or take me back a few pages
right now I'm numb
But I can't tell if it's
A healthy forget
or a suppressed anthem
thelemonpolice Jul 2018
It doesn't  matter if it's good
It doesn't matter if it's sad
It doesnt matter if it doesn't even quite reach your hands

It doesnt matter if you're mean
It doesnt matter if you're nice
They'll always think that's it's just you trying to break the ice

It doesn't mean anything new
It doesn't feel anything fresh
It doesn't make me feel a long
Loud thud in my chest

It doesn't make me feel mad
It doesn't make me want to cry
It doesn't make me want to party a lot like I'm high

It makes me want to disappear
It makes me want to float away
It makes me want to wish
I'd dream of something better someday

It makes me want to stop my thoughts
It makes me want to dive right in
It makes me wish I had some control
Or is that still a sin?

Yes I know I'm being selfish
The theory of mind
I'll never fully comprehend the truths that you see in your eyes

But all I know is I pretend
Because I have to now and then
Because it makes me seem difficult or abstract to them

At first it was for a job
Then it was for my friends
But honestly there isn't ever a place that it will end

I don't want to make you feel sad
I know you're feeling kind of lonely
Or maybe you are just using me
To climb the social hierarchy slowly

How did it even end up here
Can I just throw this all away
When I've made a mark
And started saying everything I've always wanted to say

But is nobody listening
If it's coming from me?
Is this just like another
Way to learn to people please?

But does god only listen
If your down on your knees?
Does a child only matter
When they can't stop their screams?

People please, just do your research,
It's strange what you don't know
It's strange that you can pack up all your things and just go home

It's strange that I think I'm stranger
It's strange that I am right.
It's strange that I can tell they're intimidated just with their eyes

It's strange when I cannot feel
It's strange when I feel real
It's strange when strangers smile and pass me by, say hi to me

and I am really shocked
The lack of all the fear
But I can tell when people think my skin colour is weird

I feel I'm fading fast
And time is really slow
I just want to be able to see
Everything flow
ruth May 2018
My Mind - is not My own.

It is the sleepless nights,
the empty stares,
the half-hearted comments
the quickening breaths.

It is the clouded days,
the fizzling thoughts
the fear that is constant

My Mind - it is not.
Illya Oz Apr 2018
The the words whizzing around my head,
A swarm of bees around my ears,
So loud I can't think,
I'm sorry what did you say?
Sometimes I'm silently freaking out in the middle of a conversation and if feels like I can't concentrate on anything or hear what anyone is saying.
Gil Mar 2018
caio quando fecho os olhos

não sei o acontecerá quando aterrar.
não vejo o fundo deste buraco imenso, mas também não o temo.
aliás, anseio-o.

tenho a cabeça crua.

já não sei se caio para o chão ou do chao,
ou para cima.
posso cair de diversas maneiras e faço-as todas ao mesmo tempo.

sou um só com o buraco ***** que me engole.
talvez até seja eu a engoli-lo.
vou ficar com uma indigestão.

quando penso que vou parar, escorrego mais fundo para o
estômago do vazio e o vazio desce-me pelo esófago.

se fechar os olhos adormeço ou acordo? vou tentar.
zh Nov 2017
I feel nothing
maybe I feel a cloud that only rains in my presence but
I really feel nothing

Sometimes I see myself
in the googles of someone else who is far
very far,
watching me on a screen
and whenever I start to feel
I can feel someone else overriding
my control of myself
I am pushed to the very backseat
despite calling shotgun.

I feel nothing
except for Zeus' anger
at the ***** of my feet
in the form of volcanic lava
bubbling and toiling
as it overrides the meniscus boundary
but now
I am here
me
I am here
in my car in the driver's seat
I don't have to call shotgun
because my unconscious
yes, mine
my unconscious is all mine
and now,
I have never felt more alive.

But the lava always cools and resides,
despite the internal temperature,
solidifying only to be melted again
and I am where I belong
I am right in the backseat.
Abi Odell Oct 2017
This girl
Is a construct,
Out of a fairytale.

She sounds wonderful,
Charming
Charasmatic to boot.

So, why did she leave?

Alone,

In this shell of a body,
This mask of a face,
And a voice so disjointed.

Out of place
Out of time
Out of memory
Out of love
Out of comfort
Out of hope

Look at all the old photographs,
No one could ever be so happy.

Burn to feel warm
But to no avail.

Myself?
An unreachable host
Look in the mirror
See nothing.
cher Sep 2017
"


nd that's what happens, you see.
it's a blank, a simple underscore,
a line so                i can no lon


ake it anymore, i really don't know.
one day i was functioning fine, and
the next i just forgot to ta


at day, that blue bottle of hormones
and suppression                there and
i had simply left witho


s different, i was giddy and felt...
felt as though i was five again, before
i had to take these pil


trange to me, as if i had no control,
i was a child, i couldn't focus on               
and i felt myself slipping into a fatig


dn't want to mess up my dosage so
i didn't take the                when i got home,
and the next morning i did the opp


upid and dense and brainless and
foolish, because i took one                pill
than i should have and it just rui


ou see, i was already falling into this
pit of de                 and de                so
the pills just made it worse, and i sa


ate myself so much, i messed everything
up, said the wrong things, repeated the
same mistakes again, and i really shou


ld my loved ones a temporary truth, the
kind that really isn't true at all, a strange
shade of grey between truth and li


ly blame myself, it was really my fault,
that. i told them i didn't                anymore
and i don't know why i did or wh



osing myself here, i can't feel the tip of
my tongue pressing against my own teeth,
it feels like someone else's, a stran


nd it's almost as if i can't feel anymore, like
the tears i shed only weeks before no longer
mattered, like the laughs i had shar


hools should teach that it's not simply
the recreational              that harm, but
also the ones that try to help us, an


ruly am sorry, even though nothing i say
matters anymore, not when i messed up
the way i did, not when i said what i s


pe they forgive me, that they see that the
words i said were just                and that
i wasn't me, but i don't even kn


"
i did something very wrong because i messed up my dosages and depersonalisation and derealisation added with the apathy from my depression isn't good for anyone.
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