Got jumped going down the alley
by a couple of bottles and a card game
Got my portrait painted finally,
hands hidden by the fancy frame

"Immortalized Sobriety"
that's what I'll call it,
immortalized sobriety
and not alcoholic

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not ******* happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
maybe gonna happenin'

Am I losing my mind?
No, no just one more drink
am I perfectly fine?
No, no just let me think

My mind is soaked
in fermented brine
this page is soaked
with blotchy
                         i
                            n
                              ­k
                                  -

-ling of a remembrance
woke up in the backseat
of a taxi cab repentance
aftertaste so bittersweet
declare me in-dependance

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not ******* happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
already happened

Am I losing my **** mind?
No, no just one more **** drink
am I just ******' blind?
No, no just let me ******' think

I think I might need,
I think I might need,
I think I might need
you.

What is jealousy?
In its simplest form,
insecurity.

The emotions involved,
fear of impurity.
The nagging thought,
disloyalty.

The dependance,
that need for security.

I'm in love with you.
That's what she told him every night.
But she was so ******* blind.
Blinded by love, and blinded by a boy.

You can live up to three weeks without food, and a week without water, but without oxygen you can't make it past 5 minuets.
So, to show her devotion, to prove how true her love was, she made him her oxygen.
Every pulse of her heart she tied to him.
She didn't breath unless he said it was ok.
She only lived and fully experienced moments when she was with him.

Now, one might think, if he was her oxygen, what was she to him?
He liked to pretend she was his oxygen too.
But only when he wasn't busy, or he was bored.  
He filled her head with hope for the future, and a life just for the two of them.  He craved any and all attention, so he played along.
But at some point, he got tired of her.
Tired of her dependance.  Tired of a little puppy dog trailing along.
So he called her up.
He tried to be decent, he tried to be nice, but with a short call he ended it.
He ended her.

Imagine all the air being ****** out of room.
Imagine being held underwater, your lungs are screaming for air, but you won't get any.  
You slowly start to lose consciousness.
It gets black and fuzzy.
And you drift into a deep, lonely sleep.
That's how she felt.

Without her oxygen,  she was dying.
While he was sitting at home watching tv.

the friendships i had
a month ago
have perished
to the backs of our minds
yet i do not feel glum
and i am ebullient towards the beckoning future
that so many others anxiously fear
i am incredibly lucky
to have someone
like you
and without you
i dont think
i would be
     ......

pills to sleep
now I don't eat.

pills for anxiety
now I don't act like me.

pills for mood
so I don't seem rude.

pills for that
pills for this...

They'll forever be my friend
until I no longer exist.

a sense of loss
   of lacking
   close to panic

the world spins by
   and leaves me
   in the void

ferocious nightmares
   rise out of
   restlessness expanding

until your voice
   saves me
   from drowning

I'm lost hungry and broke
I'm eating a 3 dollar sandwich
on the front steps of a bank
and chain smoking
I missed my bus
it's raining
passively
on my hands

I need a lot of things these days
and I have a lot of doubts
but nothing's changing
and nothing's getting better

I dropped out of school
I'm regretting a lot of things these days
but not that

pay my rent
keep my shoes tied
remember to eat and bathe
when I can

misplace and forget
nausea
exhaustion

I choke down my sanity
with a glass of water
every morning
the pills, the dependance
that's what makes me nauseous
and the cigarettes, the coffee, the whiskey
those too
like I said, the dependance

I'm not alone
and I'm not lonely
but my hands are cold
and my bed is colder

I just want to tell you
To go
**** yourself, but the
Words tend to
Linger, listless on my
Wine-stained lips. Inner anguish seizes up upon the
Distinct odor of
Your ignorance, your
Blatant disregard.. Stretching my
Bones muscles rip
Tenderly
Against whispered pleas of
Dependance, masquerading as
Love.

Who knew just how much
How much one can take
How much one can hide
It's amazing

But sadly
It's true.
The whistle will howl once the kettle has had too much
And it will be the loudest
Most crude
Most unnerving
Rush of emotion
That will run through that beautiful ceramic teacup.

To what dismay does such teacup deserve
To be filled with the scathing liquid that was too much even for the kettle?
How could the kettle burn the dainty fragile item?
But the teacup did not burn
Did not shatter
Did not even crack.
The little item that seemed so obsolete next to the big strong kettle
Knew no limits to what it could take, so it took.

My hair is messy,
My make up’s off,
My heart is tough,
But my skin is soft.

I walk through the space.
The space walks through me.
I am this lonely planet’s billionth progeny.
I revere and ravage,
She nurtures and reaps.
This classic co-dependance is naturally unhealthy.

How can I compete?
How to be complete...
I’m just one lost soul in a black hole with two twisted feet.
Left handed,
Forever branded:

Too rich a soul for a poor economy.

Flight of the Eagle

the eagle soars above so totally free
doesn't have the need to be attached
heart is open to every thought and idea
man does not seem to know this freedom
inwardly or outwardly
at least not on this earth
the mind understands this concept
and tries to build an outside world
invent a future liberation of the soul
can the mind be actually and totally free
free from dependance, fear, anxiety
conscious and unconscious
I have felt the eagle trying to escape
the boundaries I have placed
my pleasures my pain my fears
the eagle is fleeing and taking flight

Morpheus aka Gomer  LePoet...

she is just a girl who would **** for acceptance
but she's doing it all wrong,
she needs some assistance she has no dependance

she's just a girl who would **** for happiness
but she can't get any,
she needs some friends she's full of emptiness

she is just a girl who would **** for love
but she doesn't know how,
she needs a family she can be part of

she is just a girl that would **** for these things
but she has to learn
how do you live a happy life without these hoops and rings

I do not envy the mother you made her become.
Anyone can open their legs and conceive your pretenses of love.
I do not pity the regret you had for ever leaving me for this false emotion...
This desperate grasp of freedom when I held you accountable for what you did with it.
I do not respect that you ran away from the mistakes you made guided with haze and a bottle of cheap resolve.
I didn't break you, so I have no intention to buy your escape out of the cycle that your father left you with.
The child you bore is the only part of you that concerns me.
I pity her face because it bears the remainder of your strength.
I envy her ignorance because she still sees you with unconditional dependance.
She does not call me mother, but I love her still the same
As I had loved you.

Though magpies they are,
love birds they be.
And oh so, drawn to shiny trinkets.
Content was he,
yet his offerings of humble stolen objects,
that could stop her gawking could not
stop her gawping,
for ill affordable gold.

Though magpies they are,
love birds not quite.
happiness was of material dependance
in particular her new flame;
an open window and a pendant.
She fled for warm jewels
but found only cold steel.
A pursuit for prettier rings
befalls a neck that is wrung,
by bigger predators
with human hands,
and by greedy choices
that shun the real gold in others.

The reflection from your smile bursts past my eyes & burns spots into my conscious.
The kindness of your words empty doubts planted from years of self-lament.
The lovely spirit of your touch engulfs my senses and leaves me restless.
Then I picked you a flower, and it withered in your calloused hand.
You encourage progress, but through strict and taut reprimand.
You're so close, I cannot breath.
Suffocated by your presence.
Thoughts that could not deceive.
Decaying along with my dependance.
Obviously shaking from lack of reality.
Unwillingly anticipating your unruly authority.
Exploded, but there's still some attachment.
Don't you think so?

-grace12.3.2011

Teach them about the backbone your culture has bolstered through the permafrost
Tell them stories of Moby ****
The tale they never took the time to write

Inscribe your language on the ice
Let the global warming melt your dependance
And drown the cities who refuse to believe you
A warning sign of broken promises by the government

An island not aloud on American soil
Your culture is its own nation
The lives here will rise against the sloth in your veins
Inupaiq will build on new waters, ready for the storm

I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.*
*My hair is too thin.
My thighs are too jiggly.
My **** isn't perky.
My face isn't symmetrical.
My body is unproportionate.
My stomach is chubby.
My ***** are awkward.
My voice is too annoying.
My smile is stupid.
My scars are too unattractive.
My problems aren't as bad as other people.
My depression is a nuisance.
My anxiety attacks are overly dramatic.
My PTSD is pathetic.
My personality is too complicated.
My laugh is obnoxious.
My attention span is irritating.
My needs are too much.
My heart is too damaged.
My foundation is cracked.
My dependance is exhausting.
My fears are childish.
My past is haunting.
My future isn't bright.
My soul is undeserving.
My insecurity is too strong.
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.

The Substance of grace, is glue
Congenitally speaking
We weren't born together
We came together
You introduced me to your Son
And it was eternally mutual
More than his swagger
(Much) More than his charisma
He sipped the wine from the glass at the party
And i felt a new era coming through
Like a warm gust of air
Promising a summer to follow
Or of the scent of a storm, brewing above
Suddenly, I was nervous, a little self conscious
But it only took a night over the threshold
A blood stained bed
Old curtains pulled off the walls
And a day turned to night (if only for a few hours)
And you and I were together
A declaration of co-dependance
You doused me in your grace
Marred it with glue
Mathematically speaking
One and one makes us two.

terrified, that you're gone already
when you're not here, my heart feels heavy
my mouth tastes acidic
without your stubborn kisses
curl my shoulders and clench my fist
oh how I hate this distance
it gets colder as you stay quiet
you didn't promise that you'd never lie
this feels uneasy and I don't know why

you hesitate...... making me question
everything that I want to believe in
I'm learning to trust, you're my test
to see if I'm better, to see my best
my fingers search for your hair to caress
I guess I just miss you
nothing more nothing less

Then again, I know this is much more
I'm scared I'll be alone again, fighting my war
I'm worried that if you left, I'd have nothing to fight for

I don't want to need you
I detest dependance
But without you beside me, nothing seems to make sense

I'm letting down my walls, but keeping my shell
before these few months, I was living in hell
I'm changing my ways for you, can't you tell?
I refuse to slip back into the place where I fell

I guess I just want to be worth your time
to be beautiful for you, so you stay mine

I'm a constant battle over this
I want to starve, live off of cigarettes and your kiss
on the other hand, I know where that will lead,
I need to keep fighting
I won't let you see me bleed.

We drove our cars side by side,
always steady but not too slow.
All of a sudden you sped up
and I watched as you
fled from my dependance.
Without warning
you swerved
and you smashed
into my car
with so much force
i couldn't breathe.
your mistake pinned my car
against a pole of regret,
the smoke of shame
forced its way down my throat
and shards of sharp words
impaled my body.
your love trapped me
my doors sealed shut by misery
if you had just reversed
I'd be free
from this twisted metal cage of suffering
instead
you took one look at the mess we made
unbuckled your seatbelt of lies
opened your door of deception
stood and watched
as i succumbed to the death of our relationship.
I struggled helplessly
to reach out
as you simply chuckled
and walked away.

I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.
My hair is too thin.
My thighs are too jiggly.
My **** isn't perky.
My face isn't symmetrical.
My body is unproportionate.
My stomach is chubby.
My ***** are awkward.
My voice is too annoying.
My smile is stupid.
My scars are too unattractive.
My problems aren't as bad as other people.
My depression is a nuisance.
My anxiety attacks are overly dramatic.
My PTSD is pathetic.
My personality is too complicated.
My laugh is obnoxious.
My attention span is irritating.
My needs are too much.
My heart is too damaged.
My foundation is cracked.
My dependance is exhausting.
My fears are childish.
My past is haunting.
My future isn't bright.
My soul is undeserving.
My insecurity is too strong.
I will never be perfect.
I will never be enough.
I just won't be,
to anyone.

Our System is dependent upon Dependance; a system of Metadependence.
Cease to depend upon it to fight it. *(That's ******* impossible now-a-days)

To each rebirth I command myself to undertake,
the closer I become to being a Higher Power, further from being a Muse,
those unable to do the same, it’s alright
to
name
&
shame.
The weak is here to justify the strong,
for most will read & dismiss it as arrogant ego, rather than a self-validating poet,
living in freedom.
Let us party hard, let us party all night, the love of sacrifice is
at the base
of the shrine, profit thrives on stupidity, shown most highlighted in trends
& forefront of subcultures, delusionary revolutions,
the world changes according to the change of the individual,
too bad ignorance isn’t painful,
for
I crave original thinking,
it is too bad I have wasted so much time,
on those who cannot even pull themselves to average,
you’re none to service.
Blessed are those who can destroy false hopes, illusions, trends, validation from others, dependance, angst & insecurity.
Freedom lays in thy hands.
(Heartache, don’t let it bring my heart down,
Jezebel bow your head in shame,
I am the light of illumination,
Mystical enhance my essence is, you phony,
you fake, I’m free, while your wrapped in children’s
attention. The sun rises in the east, at the Beast’s
discretion, than sets in the west, Babylon won’t
test. I’m free again, ruff & ready, you don’t know
what you're living for. Reaching replaceable average
is your best hope. Everything at your feet, still you’re
bitter, bored & sober, so you got nothing to do.
Forgetting suicide is painless)

I am a mountain in Maine
That I dug into and overcame

Indecision and indifference, the oily buffet of a jaded sunlit stare
It’s all up here-
It’s all out there

I kiss at the flood light
That I drove beside at midnight

Transience and dependance, a honeyed yarn maze in retired rafters
It’s all right before-
It’s all near after

Can I really die?
If only in memories I like to be alive

Drowning in the lows of social interpretation of trust and true friendships
Leading my peers in unrecognizable intimidation that haunts my words and actions
The meaningless words I say haunt my spirit and gives me one more  demon on my shoulder
"Just take one more, you'll forget" it says
My Control of Dependance never wins, the Benzo family welcomes me with warming thoughts of peace and stress free thinking that no other particle in this universe would replace.  
My half empty bottle yells at me and reminds my stricken brain to keep it together
The crave is unnoticed and I think nothing of it until I wake
The vicious cycle lasts all day long and never goes away, nothing stops
The wheel spins as the pain and fear stab me along the way
I loose everyone and everything I have that makes me, me.
Nothing I know makes sense anymore,
Anything I do for myself seems useless and pathetic
The speed in of my surroundings is never ending and there is no one behind or in front to lead me
The paper trail of various mind warping pills lead my trail of life, giving me the warmth of their family's love as I drop each one under my tongue
Giving me the strength that God doesn't give me

As i wake up, and
The sun gets gently
To mi eyes, i become
Aware Of your
memorie, i blush and
Breath inspired

And the second minutes
awake, your scent comes
As an ocean Wave, Of Loved
By you memories, and

Mi nose become aware,
Of the feeling you provoque
And the loved perfume
Takes the beating heart,
To a new heigth, that never


Felt before, between the
Trust and your loved eyes, is
Your perfect stomach calling
To me, come and Kiss me,
your Body Said, and the loved
song, And the chosen Path

Trying awake in the Path,
Become AWAKEN, as i beastly
Make love to you, and this day Even feeling a litle scared Of this
Feeling Of love

As an iceberg, i pass threw,
life and games, pasión and
dasdein, loneliness and pain
To this loved by u state, i let
that go this afternoon, trying
With scientifc proofs,

I could live without your eyes,
To feelings that never where, and stories that i never live, but your eyes and the loved sensación are stronger than the artist pose, and the stoic Warrior state Of mind, So much for
This samurai at your feet.

Aware Of how dependent Of
You im becoming, i could let
It all go, but i cannot left you,
As a yunkie Of your eyes, and
adicted to you state Of mind

Never feel unsure Of mi love,
never felt this need Of somebudy,
Forever loving you state Of play, and The nigths with you become heaven, and  your'e  so BEAUTIFUL inside,
And (hot as friendly faces) that walk Next to me.


So just Be sure, your'e the loved one, That free and unatached to
Anything ir anybudy, i could only
if you choose it, let you go.

So fully AWAKEN  i'm,
becoming day by day,
As i LOVE YOU come and goes on our way, and On the terms we bouth choose, Nothing and no one execpt you, Could make me away from you,


And the blessed feellings you provoque, and the almost pain
i could almost feel, as your feet
Stumble to creeps, and i could almost let you go,  but the love and care
You awake in me, are a surprise,

As a loved man, or a chained
beast, i could usted to this, kind
Of dependance u make me feel,
The sensatión Of you Next to me.

I’ve been smoking almost every day
for the last few years

I know it’s no Vik, Perc, Morph, or Xan
and it’s backwards to be used as chloraseptic
but I never needed sweeter substances
and it works a **** ton better than advil

But I’ve used it instead of friends
whether that’s good or bad depends
if I’m on the steep end of dependance
or just really spent  and tenuous

Acquittal is wishful
I’m wilfully guilty

But I’m unsure of what
and how not be