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"contraband" poems
What a city I murmur to myself looking at its map. We approached the city known as Dis, with its vast army and its burdened citizens. At last we reached the moats dug deep around the dismal city. What destroys the poetry of a city? Automobiles destroy it, and they destroy more than the poetry. Dante and Virgil chased by 7 or 8 dangerous devils Grumpy, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, ***** . . . Our heroes reduced from metaphysical philosophers interested in god and what man has done to man to improvising primitive tools for survival. Hope abandoned, we rate our chances of expiring in the nuclear fire – excellent – during the decline of western civilization. On the other hand, I hope our current problems are only temporary and it’s just a matter of time before the public ignores the 24-hour news cycle. Bad news sells but the good life’s all around us. One feels love and devotion even for the 60 million who voted for our opponent. Vaclav Havel said with a wisdom well beyond brilliance: “Either we have hope within us or we don’t. It is a dimension of the soul, and it’s not dependent on some particular observation of the world or estimate of the situation. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart that transcends the world as it’s immediately experienced. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense no matter how it turns out.” It resembles grief. But it's not quite grief. I'll give you grief. Certain days planned to be eventful I look forward to for weeks. Let the peaceful transfer of power proceed. The sorrow and the pity. Never may the anarchic man find rest at my hearth. When the laws are kept, how proudly the city stands! When the laws are broken, what of the city then? We are moving through some allegory between a City of Hope, where history has been abolished, and a City of History, where hope can be slipped in only as contraband. Failing to achieve understanding, we're searching outer space for an entity to unite us as humanity. That person, or city, is consciousness. Two ancient female poets are a revelation, the clarity of their complaints: lost lover, lost city. Our enemy eventually becomes our brother, his misery lifted by coming to her city.
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Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 9:23 AM UTC
City of Hope
What a city I murmur to myself looking at its map. We approached the city known as Dis, with its vast army and its burdened citizens. At last we reached the moats dug deep around the dismal city. What destroys the poetry of a city? Automobiles destroy it, and they destroy more than the poetry. Dante and Virgil chased by 7 or 8 dangerous devils Grumpy, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, ***** . . . Our heroes reduced from metaphysical philosophers interested in god and what man has done to man to improvising primitive tools for survival. Hope abandoned, we rate our chances of expiring in the nuclear fire – excellent – during the decline of western civilization. On the other hand, I hope our current problems are only temporary and it’s just a matter of time before the public ignores the 24-hour news cycle. Bad news sells but the good life’s all around us. One feels love and devotion even for the 60 million who voted for our opponent. Vaclav Havel said with a wisdom well beyond brilliance: “Either we have hope within us or we don’t. It is a dimension of the soul, and it’s not dependent on some particular observation of the world or estimate of the situation. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart that transcends the world as it’s immediately experienced. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense no matter how it turns out.” It resembles grief. But it's not quite grief. I'll give you grief. Certain days planned to be eventful I look forward to for weeks. Let the peaceful transfer of power proceed. The sorrow and the pity. Never may the anarchic man find rest at my hearth. When the laws are kept, how proudly the city stands! When the laws are broken, what of the city then? We are moving through some allegory between a City of Hope, where history has been abolished, and a City of History, where hope can be slipped in only as contraband. Failing to achieve understanding, we're searching outer space for an entity to unite us as humanity. That person, or city, is consciousness. Two ancient female poets are a revelation, the clarity of their complaints: lost lover, lost city. Our enemy eventually becomes our brother, his misery lifted by coming to her city.
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Banned, momentarily. young, impetuous stubborn and aware, tac sharp, she merrily swears all contraband. trapped by parental snare in her room of thoughts she battles valiantly with screaming demons, playing cleverly, her winning hand.
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Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 5:39 AM UTC
Courage little honey
1461 “Heavenly Father”—take to thee The supreme iniquity Fashioned by thy candid Hand In a moment contraband— Though to trust us—seems to us More respectful—”We are Dust”— We apologize to thee For thine own Duplicity—
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Heavenly Father—take to thee
The tree of knowledge was the tree of reason. That's why the taste of it drove us from Eden. That fruit was meant to be dried and milled to a fine powder for use a pinch at a time, a condiment. God had probably planned to tell us later about this new pleasure. We stuffed our mouths full of it, gorged on but and if and how and again but, knowing no better. It's toxic in large quantities; fumes swirled in our heads and around us to form a dense cloud that hardened to steel, a wall between us and God, Who was Paradise. Not that God is unreasonable – but reason in such excess was tyranny and locked us into its own limits, a polished cell reflecting our own faces. God lives on the other side of that mirror, but through the slit where the barrier doesn't quite touch ground, manages still to squeeze in – as filtered light, splinters of fire, a strain of music heard then lost, then heard again.
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Contraband
We sit on the blankets in the park; I say he smoked. And they say: ew! Cigarettes are disgusting, I could never poison myself like that. And they take another sip from their contraband Sailor Jerry's And they light one more bowl And I don't say anything, But I am surrounded by walking contradictions slurring their words and crying out compliments And somehow I became one of them somehow I inhaled like them --too wary of the pipe, I breathed the smoke from their mouths' instead And I threw back my head and let the alcohol worm its way into my system, decimating my pride like the mold that covers a bruised peach. And nothing of consequence happened. it's all too easy to hide.
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Oct 8, 2013
Oct 8, 2013 at 10:28 PM UTC
Kites and Bottles
the lapping water drifting to the sand, the smugglers hurry o'er the silver wave, a rose-moon blushing where the waters lave and moonlight glistens on the breezy strand. the oars are steady, gliding to the land the stroke of midnight near a watery cave, their whisp'ring feet run silent as a grave                                               to its dark reach to hide the contraband. the waves roll mistily with honeyed breath the sky, a vault of iron, weeps a tear, the sweeping waters break and start to veer, a gold tooth glints, the night as black as death, a dreadful shout, the watch is drawing near, how suddenly their faces pall with fear!
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Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 2:17 PM UTC
smugglers
Gold is dust, and silver sand: Money made via vices is silly, For it will by and by fly away surely. Some people get riches by contraband, Ruining others just for them to live In luxury, like bees in a cosy hive. Debauchery and lechery are a woe: Girls chasing is many a man's hobby, Running daily the full course of adultery Or fornication. Some are soaked to sorrow Drown in ***** A married woman, besides her Hubby and God, may have another "helper." Yet, the beloved apostle Paul in the Book Of books, saith: "Godliness with contentment Great gain is." Every earthly enjoyment And achievement lacking holiness is a fluke. Unless the flesh to the Spirit becomes a slave, Worldly pleasures will the body often crave. Greatness is not in the muchness of things, But is rather in possessing the fulness of God. Many whom this vain world doth highly laud Are mostly before heaven very low beings. They are the richest in life that have Jesus As Lord and Saviour, who chose to be righteous.
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Apr 6, 2013
Apr 6, 2013 at 12:42 PM UTC
"Godliness Is Great Gain"
[Intro: Quavo] **** man. Brrrrtttttt Hello? What the hell you mean Ma? I ain't did **** **** [Hook: Quavo] Feds hit the spot man I ain't saying nothin They came around about 5 o' clock this morning (12!) They telling me I'm copping contraband from informants Channel 2, Fox 5, I'm America's most wanted! (Ooh!) Hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy Hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy Feds hit the spot say I'm copping from informants Channel 2, Fox 5, I'm America's most wanted! (Ooh!) [Verse 1: Quavo] Yeah, yeah, Quavo I pick up my **** and then hit the door (Oh **** **** 12!) Surrounding my house and they kick the door (Boom! Boom!) "Don't move, get on the floor!" I hit the window and fell on the curb I'm trying to get up and take off, the officer speared me, like Goldberg Say "Where were you 3 o clock on the dot?" "My Momma's house" "You a ******* liar" Have you heard about your new worker? (Nah) Know I put him in your circle I witnessed you purchase the pound (nuh uh) I witnessed you purchase the brown (no you didn't) I witnessed you purchase the white (no!) Say goodnight down the road for a long flight [Hook] [Verse 2: Takeoff] Hot Boy like Silkk the Shocker, pull up on your blocka with the Waka Flocka Momma hit me on my cellular told me that Quavo got caught by the coppers **** They say they've been investigating and Migo gang we connected with the mobsters (Huh?) Can't talk to you ****** my lawyer talk. **** the prosecutor Mr. Marcus **** Lookin out of my window, I see a black truck and it's empty Walk to the door check the peephole (what that is man?) Then I start hearing a noise and it makes me paranoid **** Thinking what the **** is going on? (What the **** All of these tools like it's Autozone If I get caught I ain't coming home (No!) [Hook] [Verse 3: Offset] Offset! They said that I sold to informants I told them I just got off touring They circle my house like an orbit **** He telling me he gon extort me (huh?) 50% of my income, unfortunately he not gon get none Life sentence or freedom so pick one **** ***** you trying the wrong one **** ***** Quavo call my phone, his spot got raided it just got kicked in We all met up in the Westin Who know what the **** going on it ain't making sense (who know?) The police talking they got evidence I told you ****** bout serving them Mexicans (I told you ****** **** There go 12 **** I picked up my **** and I moved out the residence [Hook]
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May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 9:13 AM UTC
Hot boy
[Intro: Quavo] **** man. Brrrrtttttt Hello? What the hell you mean Ma? I ain't did **** **** [Hook: Quavo] Feds hit the spot man I ain't saying nothin They came around about 5 o' clock this morning (12!) They telling me I'm copping contraband from informants Channel 2, Fox 5, I'm America's most wanted! (Ooh!) Hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy Hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy, hot boy Feds hit the spot say I'm copping from informants Channel 2, Fox 5, I'm America's most wanted! (Ooh!) [Verse 1: Quavo] Yeah, yeah, Quavo I pick up my **** and then hit the door (Oh **** **** 12!) Surrounding my house and they kick the door (Boom! Boom!) "Don't move, get on the floor!" I hit the window and fell on the curb I'm trying to get up and take off, the officer speared me, like Goldberg Say "Where were you 3 o clock on the dot?" "My Momma's house" "You a ******* liar" Have you heard about your new worker? (Nah) Know I put him in your circle I witnessed you purchase the pound (nuh uh) I witnessed you purchase the brown (no you didn't) I witnessed you purchase the white (no!) Say goodnight down the road for a long flight [Hook] [Verse 2: Takeoff] Hot Boy like Silkk the Shocker, pull up on your blocka with the Waka Flocka Momma hit me on my cellular told me that Quavo got caught by the coppers **** They say they've been investigating and Migo gang we connected with the mobsters (Huh?) Can't talk to you ****** my lawyer talk. **** the prosecutor Mr. Marcus **** Lookin out of my window, I see a black truck and it's empty Walk to the door check the peephole (what that is man?) Then I start hearing a noise and it makes me paranoid **** Thinking what the **** is going on? (What the **** All of these tools like it's Autozone If I get caught I ain't coming home (No!) [Hook] [Verse 3: Offset] Offset! They said that I sold to informants I told them I just got off touring They circle my house like an orbit **** He telling me he gon extort me (huh?) 50% of my income, unfortunately he not gon get none Life sentence or freedom so pick one **** ***** you trying the wrong one **** ***** Quavo call my phone, his spot got raided it just got kicked in We all met up in the Westin Who know what the **** going on it ain't making sense (who know?) The police talking they got evidence I told you ****** bout serving them Mexicans (I told you ****** **** There go 12 **** I picked up my **** and I moved out the residence [Hook]
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*Sacramental Elixir & Illuminated Blues, Experimental Flauntings Of Her Midsummer Hues, Radioactive Eyes & Her Fairytale Lies, Seductive Abuses Across The New Divide, Vivid Intersections In Her Phenomenal Rage, Shatterproof Reflections Splattered Upstage, Midnight Passions Of Her Perplexed Lust, Starlight Rains Glittering Hybrid Dusts, Transitional Paradigms & Engineered Moans, Theatrical Concoctions In Her Symphonic Tones, Flirtatious Illuminations Under The Darkest Light, Stained Animations Igniting Kryptonite, Palisades Of Her Collated Reflections, Cascades Emitting Her Sedated Projections, Contraband Infatuation Resonating Magnetic Love, Raving Constellations Provocating Atomic Dove, Divine Catharsis Of Her Cupid Amour Eternity, Valentine Bliss Mystifying Her Restrained Insanity, Charismatic Futility & ****** Binge, Cinematic Tranquility Emanating From Her Bulletproof Sins, Neon Subways & Fragile Foreplays, Sensual Arrays Of Her Red-Light Decays. - 03:53AM -*
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Mar 23, 2017
Mar 23, 2017 at 6:30 PM UTC
Elixir
I took way too many pills tonight And I'm driving way too fast I'm drunk as **** and smoked too much I'm just trying not to crash This car is way too full Of people and contraband But the road is open and the night is young So I'm gonna scorch the land Motor head rush - My engines burning Motor head rush - Wheels are turning Motor head rush - Turbo mode engage Motor head rush - this may be the day I'm on way too many drugs right now To be going a hundred miles I didn't even realize until now My passenger has me in her mouth I'm just trying not to die And take this car out with me But if tonight should be our night We go out in a blaze of glory Motor head rush - My engines burning Motor head rush - Wheels are turning Motor head rush - Turbo mode engage Motor head rush - this may be the day If tonight should be our last If this ride ends in disaster I just want you all to know How I love you so.... Motor head rush - My engines burning Motor head rush - Wheels are turning Motor head rush - Turbo mode engage Motor head rush - this may be the day This may be the day That we die!
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Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 9:16 PM UTC
Motor HeadRush
Hands of a new mother gently washing baby's little parts A little hand clasps around her thumb and touches moms heart An unconditional love that continues to grow at first glance Brings new meaning to life makes you want to take a chance Hands of a Lovers first melting touch Not being able to breathe when it gets to be too much Butterflies in the stomach and throwing all caution to the wind Two innocent souls lost in the present and trying not to sin Hands of a fighter who helped liberate our lands Bringing countries together and starting a contraband Hands of the men who were young and oh so brave Friends and comrades who lost their lives and wound up in a grave Hands of a writer, a painter, or jack of all trades Blue collar living but these hands still need to get paid Calloused strong hands and a hard working class Got obligations and bills to try and outlast Hands of a beautiful woman on her day wearing white Ring on her finger from the love of her life Hands that promise to love and cherish through all the years Comfort those worries and help face all your fears Hands weathered and touched by father time No longer seeing your lovers hand...your partner in crime True love that has gone to a much better place But the hands remain tied and forever laced
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Aug 30, 2011
Aug 30, 2011 at 6:03 PM UTC
Hands
Just what do we know about Ward Churchill? That radical agitator, That Colorado college professor Most famous for calling Twin Tower 9/11 dead technocrats Little Eichmanns. Noteworthy is the fact that The United States Supreme Court Denied certiorari, Passed on hearing his claim of Unlawful discharge. Unlawful discharge? Sounds felonious and vile: Like pus laced with ***** A criminal secretion, like mucus Smuggled past Customs: Vaginal contraband. Sorry, Ward. We just don’t give a **** Your fake Indian pedigree, Your bogus Vietnam fairytales, Your phony combat record, Your forward ops recon Way out in ******* Cambodia, Fall flat like Buffalo turds. You’ve been slick, Ward. Hired originally to fill Some gratuitous affirmative action quota, Denied tenure in two legitimate departments, You create some ******** academic discipline For campus freaks & geeks. Self-appointed Department Chairman, A fraudulent college professor from the start, Once tenured, a courageous warrior for free speech. Describing Native American history as genocide. Summing up American history as Holocaust denial. Professor Churchill was all of these things, And less. But using the Holocaust metaphor To anchor one’s fakakta politics? That was the proverbial last straw, The camel buster, if you will. Especially since most of the Stockbrokers & market analysts Crushed in the rubble were Jewish. Hava Nagila, Babaloo!
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Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 9:45 PM UTC
"Ward Churchill's Little Eichmanns"
She is a fallen woman from the Holy Sea, a broken sample from the Fairlight, dressed in whispers and vines. The wretched wind says many things to her: "lament no more over your emptied ****** follow the glum west end sky to the treasures of America." Her intangible items go first: two figurines, two tin daughters travelling with the wild dogs, asleep in the backseat, kept as contraband until she pays with coral, jade and pearls. But heroin's in her veins, telling her the kids will keep, as she slips beyond the black rainbow and into 'paradise'.
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Dec 12, 2021
Dec 12, 2021 at 8:19 AM UTC
Beyond the Black Rainbow
The Circus gongs excite the Throngs in nighttime Never Land – They swarm to see the destiny of Freaks at their command, While Acrobats step pitapat above the shifting sands And Lady Fat sits down to chat and oozes charm unplanned. The Dwarfs in suits, so small and cute when marching with the Band, Ask crimson Clowns with frozen frowns, to hold a mutant hand, While Tamers’ whips with withered tips, throughout the winter land, Lure Cats entranced through hoops enhanced with flames of fires fanned. White Elephants in big-top tents boast black-tusk contraband To regiments of Sycophants who overflow the stands, But No One sees anomalies, and No One understands. At night’s demise, the dither dies, the lonesome Crowd disbands, Down dead-end streets the Horde retreats, their tattered rags in strands, And Janes and Joes reweave their woes, for thoughts of change are banned. To play a part in Three-Ring Art, I thought I’d try my hand – I mastered skills, I felt the thrills, I breathed and seethed firsthand – But destiny denied to me to taste a lifetime spanned With tightrope walks and trapeze chalks ... excepting second-hand... For alcohol provoked a fall, as if a reprimand, And now, a heap, I sometimes keep the ticket office manned...
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Mar 14, 2013
Mar 14, 2013 at 10:57 AM UTC
The Acrobat
What if sound was robbed, Held at gunpoint And smuggled away From me Into a duffel of contraband. What if songs became nothing? What would I Do? As the bus Bounces up and down, When the sun hasn't Yet stolen it's kiss. The window yields Bland scene And I would recognize The silence In the detestful Way I do When I forget the wires. What if his voice Was gone? Could I remember it? Could I fill in sound as his Lips moved, God All I'd ever see Would be lips. And I don't like mouths as it is. But maybe They'd be my new wires And my eyes would follow Their parted Movements, enamored. What if instructions were silenced And I was left to guess at What to do? Emergency situation Stealing my life away Because I couldn't hear Anything about The oxygen supply Above my head. I'd perish in silence. Would I speak? Or only write? Would I feel heard If I could barely fathom listening?
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Sep 26, 2014
Sep 26, 2014 at 10:43 AM UTC
Sound Held at Gunpoint
On yonder strand In bridled land A motley band With vigor fanned Across hill, lowland With self righteous brand Seeking brigand contraband From each licentious hand To forthrightly remand Every highway spanned Tolls, tribute to demand Each pilfering cleric did reprimand Then every bloated collection was panned Every royal vestige scanned Gratuitous coffers to expand
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Aug 6, 2012
Aug 6, 2012 at 11:46 AM UTC
Robin Hood's Merry Band
oh sorrowful barbary coast they took your young daughters and sold them to sheikhs of the sand as water not so unlike college girls from the mainland disappearing now during spring break as midnight contraband
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Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 7:39 PM UTC
The Killing Jar
When did the measure of your worth become a brand? Banded sneakers, streaking vibrance, vibrating mobile nuzzled in hand. These do not make you. Backward cap, for a new era, sagged pants, swagger stance for this hoodlum hoody wearer. These do not make him. Gucci bags and other tags, designer purse, cursing contraband, fake names make her gag. But these do not make her. They say don't judge a book by it's cover, so why a person by their assets? if it were asserted by another... Belongings do not a person make. Kindness, courage, compassion, heart, personality, wisdom, even a love of art. These a person make. Take some time to introspect, inspect the way you see yourself, You'll be happier for it I expect. You make the person.
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Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 3:00 PM UTC
Artisans of pretence
soft soliloquies cannot touch me for the mountain tops have blurred in the stratosphere and still deny their shadows from the fog and sink like marionette martyrs to the ocean floor and sway refused forfeit flags painted as seaweed -- stiff joints acost and above, an albatross! roams discreetly through the sky yet all hell's dead wretched through molten lead succumb to false alibi (and fate's caress never questions why) -- your bamboo words and tourniquet hands bear loss of convicted man. and piano strings like forgotten things have cost all the contraband. -- --oh, but sweetly they had fallen the petals which forgot the sun and faces the moon while acrobats form the constellations of the sky and so— so weakly it had passed us by but yet had still seen the sails of clouds adream of every lost sunken shroud ever shining by. -- defeat me, hang a noose from every ceiling --and maybe i'll change my mind or faint like festered wounds trailing down the hallways --and maybe i'll forget the way you made me see it clearer than mirror rooms and moulded like day (your lungs full of clay) breathe me out or sheathe it in complete me, hang an emptied world from every airway to rust all the ventilations to flood all the irrigations and condense into the black hole you left behind. -- words called windows walk on sunday lanes toward sideways tree roots with hallow'd veins and iced over stairways that have no name or excretories called inventories that fell on dead ends or ghouls that catapult just to make amends then rise from idle tidal waves with the bends perhaps even holes called souls can confine and mists like cysts fail to intertwine and fall away as heaven feigns to maligne. —and oh, how sullen scenes do compromise the way our flesh restlessly burns and fies.
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Nov 18, 2012
Nov 18, 2012 at 6:34 PM UTC
sequestra
soft soliloquies cannot touch me for the mountain tops have blurred in the stratosphere and still deny their shadows from the fog and sink like marionette martyrs to the ocean floor and sway refused forfeit flags painted as seaweed -- stiff joints acost and above, an albatross! roams discreetly through the sky yet all hell's dead wretched through molten lead succumb to false alibi (and fate's caress never questions why) -- your bamboo words and tourniquet hands bear loss of convicted man. and piano strings like forgotten things have cost all the contraband. -- --oh, but sweetly they had fallen the petals which forgot the sun and faces the moon while acrobats form the constellations of the sky and so— so weakly it had passed us by but yet had still seen the sails of clouds adream of every lost sunken shroud ever shining by. -- defeat me, hang a noose from every ceiling --and maybe i'll change my mind or faint like festered wounds trailing down the hallways --and maybe i'll forget the way you made me see it clearer than mirror rooms and moulded like day (your lungs full of clay) breathe me out or sheathe it in complete me, hang an emptied world from every airway to rust all the ventilations to flood all the irrigations and condense into the black hole you left behind. -- words called windows walk on sunday lanes toward sideways tree roots with hallow'd veins and iced over stairways that have no name or excretories called inventories that fell on dead ends or ghouls that catapult just to make amends then rise from idle tidal waves with the bends perhaps even holes called souls can confine and mists like cysts fail to intertwine and fall away as heaven feigns to maligne. —and oh, how sullen scenes do compromise the way our flesh restlessly burns and fies.
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your smiles were contraband, smuggled from late mornings in the kitchen; your eyes were the deep dark green of pine trees; bottled wine. you were dew and early rays of sunshine and the lightest thing I've seen. today, I scrolled past a photo of you and it didn't break my heart. this is what moving on must look like: drinking coffee without thinking of your dress two christmases ago, without thinking of your burnt food and firelight laughter and slow-dancing in your bedroom to fast music. I still can't sleep on your side of the bed; nevertheless I remember you less clearly; have forgotten what your hands felt like going through my hair, no longer know the precise melody of your voice when you got angry, no longer know the intonation of 'I love yous' from your lips, and I no longer wish to know. and so although I am forever loving you I am in love & letting go.
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Feb 28, 2016
Feb 28, 2016 at 6:17 AM UTC
love & letting go
It came for me again With teeth and claws That sunk into my flesh With ruby red eyes that loomed in the darkness, Mocking me as I struggled to sleep. I was a spectator As my mood disintegrated in front of me, Giving way for the heavy enormity of depression And the burning itch of restlessness That took up residence in the wounds Bipolar tore across my mind. It came for me again, And I, as always, Was left to fight it in a weary body, Clinging to contraband hope That the consequences would not be permanent this time. It came for me again, But I am still alive.
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Jun 30, 2022
Jun 30, 2022 at 6:36 PM UTC
The Monster Came Again
Let’s go back to 1. To start again, to meet you, to seventeen, to yellow and hugs, to hammers and strings. Nobody knew me then, and I ****** up told them the true story. Let’s go back, and I’ll tell you a different one. It started out a prepschool fantasy. I had a Great Perhaps, and you (were there, probably) And then I ****** up, my friend. I’d like to revert to 1: a second round I’m ready, now. Hello, nice to meet you Would you like to have a drink with me? I will say yes. I will be thin again for you And when you touch my arm I will not shrink from you. Let us. Let me, at least Revert to 1 and promise (I do—to do better now). On money-soaked leather, we’ll make angels no I’m sorry—we’ll make amends I will talk breathy and flutter my eyelashes; I will be Daisy Buchanan a rosewater anachronism that needs no cigarettes and no pretense, only Attention (I stood at, when you said goodbye) There will be no end. There was no end. Not a goodbye. On rust-red rooftops we will soliloquize (about what?) (it doesn’t matter) We will throw lit matches and watch how fire makes its mark And we will separately wonder where it goes and—are you listening?—we will watch the sunrise and I will tell my daughter about that day when she is older. A prepschool fantasy. We will drink to the word “contraband” and it will be 1966—the rich kids’ 1966, the whitewashed one we pretend we are ashamed of. I will be Daisy Buchanan, and thin again for you. Let’s go back to 1. I would love to try again, and better now.
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Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 10:58 PM UTC
A Rosewater Anachronism (12/2012)
Let’s go back to 1. To start again, to meet you, to seventeen, to yellow and hugs, to hammers and strings. Nobody knew me then, and I ****** up told them the true story. Let’s go back, and I’ll tell you a different one. It started out a prepschool fantasy. I had a Great Perhaps, and you (were there, probably) And then I ****** up, my friend. I’d like to revert to 1: a second round I’m ready, now. Hello, nice to meet you Would you like to have a drink with me? I will say yes. I will be thin again for you And when you touch my arm I will not shrink from you. Let us. Let me, at least Revert to 1 and promise (I do—to do better now). On money-soaked leather, we’ll make angels no I’m sorry—we’ll make amends I will talk breathy and flutter my eyelashes; I will be Daisy Buchanan a rosewater anachronism that needs no cigarettes and no pretense, only Attention (I stood at, when you said goodbye) There will be no end. There was no end. Not a goodbye. On rust-red rooftops we will soliloquize (about what?) (it doesn’t matter) We will throw lit matches and watch how fire makes its mark And we will separately wonder where it goes and—are you listening?—we will watch the sunrise and I will tell my daughter about that day when she is older. A prepschool fantasy. We will drink to the word “contraband” and it will be 1966—the rich kids’ 1966, the whitewashed one we pretend we are ashamed of. I will be Daisy Buchanan, and thin again for you. Let’s go back to 1. I would love to try again, and better now.
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the truth is I want to die but the truth is my death would hurt more people than my life. for in living it is only I who suffers. and I have discovered that the greatest pain is not in being hated, but in being ignored. and sadly the only way for anyone to really understand what I meant by that is to live through a life of being overlooked. of speaking and never being heard. of wearing masks so everyone can stand being around you. of being constantly told that you are fine when deep down you know your truth. of using tears to clean your face just so you can smile once more. being frustrated at your inability to articulate these feelings into words, failing to realize that there is no way that they could understand what you mean because what you experience, this personal hell, is not in their scope of existence. I could go on but their voices have seeped into all my cracks "it's all in your head" "get over it" "you're just being dramatic" and I end up judging myself feeling less like a person and more like a thing that was made wrong. a misfit a mistake a dysfunctional an oddity an alien a ****** up overdramatic attention-seeker. *everyone has **** why can't you keep yours in line? everyone has pain why can't you fix yourself? just talk about it. let it out. it's easy. what is wrong with you? why can't you just tell me?* I hide tears away like illegal contraband feelings that should not be indulged. I wear smiles like special passes so I can weave my way around society. and all I really want is a little patience a little acceptance. I'm not too much of a freak that I cannot be loved. I promise I'm not so bad. just give me some time I'll be good please?
0
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 6:02 AM UTC
just thoughts. this really isn't even anything.
the truth is I want to die but the truth is my death would hurt more people than my life. for in living it is only I who suffers. and I have discovered that the greatest pain is not in being hated, but in being ignored. and sadly the only way for anyone to really understand what I meant by that is to live through a life of being overlooked. of speaking and never being heard. of wearing masks so everyone can stand being around you. of being constantly told that you are fine when deep down you know your truth. of using tears to clean your face just so you can smile once more. being frustrated at your inability to articulate these feelings into words, failing to realize that there is no way that they could understand what you mean because what you experience, this personal hell, is not in their scope of existence. I could go on but their voices have seeped into all my cracks "it's all in your head" "get over it" "you're just being dramatic" and I end up judging myself feeling less like a person and more like a thing that was made wrong. a misfit a mistake a dysfunctional an oddity an alien a ****** up overdramatic attention-seeker. *everyone has **** why can't you keep yours in line? everyone has pain why can't you fix yourself? just talk about it. let it out. it's easy. what is wrong with you? why can't you just tell me?* I hide tears away like illegal contraband feelings that should not be indulged. I wear smiles like special passes so I can weave my way around society. and all I really want is a little patience a little acceptance. I'm not too much of a freak that I cannot be loved. I promise I'm not so bad. just give me some time I'll be good please?
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75
Cease the red dragon im stabbin' deep in ya heart mount zion is where my destiny started but now im parted deep in the land of the lost loss souls still tryna find themselves through religions instituted by man i don't take no for an answer infectin' like breast cancer epidemic flows thermogenic causin' instant sweat terrorist threats so they keep on the radar like navy ships take short dips bang on beats like bloods to crips i go on and on like Gladys KNight and the pips skip skip over critics wicked sadistic mystique with the style i send  comprehend tryna find my way back to Mount Zion but im blurred brain fryin' from all the heat im catchin' to my intellect break through the sweat it's war we at the verge of a battle so girls stop movin' ya rattle rode worlds saddle too long im stuck in the killin' fields fightin' my way back to promise land with much contraband haters trespassers will be hung frontin' like friends but ain't down with Black Na-tion it's the return of Mount Zion
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Dec 11, 2014
Dec 11, 2014 at 12:28 PM UTC
Mount Zion Abode of the Real Prophets