"becasue" poems
I don't think my friends understand,
That when I'm with them I'm in another land.
A place where I know I'll always be safe,
I won't be judged, I can just be me.
And it means a lot to me that they're there.
They make me feel like I have no need to fear,
I can speak up which is nice becasue I'm quiet.
Usually because I'm trying to avoid riots.
Riots that could hurt me emotionally that is.
I hope I'm being clear and not blurry.
I'm trying to express how it feels to be-
Surrounded by thorns that change into clouds.
Just often enough to make the bleeding stop.
Do you know what it feels like to be that shocked?
It's as if you're drowning and then all of a sudden,
Someone saves you and takes you into their coven.
I'm just glad to not feel as abandoned as I had before.
I'm not alone in heart, I'm just a little sore.
But I'm healing more and more every day.
So that's a good thing, wouldn't you say?
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 4:58 PM UTC
Get out of my head,
Because you're making me crazy.
Get out of my mind,
Because you're making me crave you.
So get out of my body,
Before I want to shake you down to the core.
No, I never forgot,
Did you honestly think I would.
You came into my life,
And you made it a wreck,
But did you honestly think I would forget.
I gave you everything,
And here's your hand wanting more,
Was it not enough to control me.
Did you think I was going to give you my heart,
All the pieces that you left shattered on the floor.
All I wanted was you,
But you never thought it fit,
So now I'm walking out that door.
Don't try running,
Because you already have to swim.
No I never wanted to hurt you,
But you left me no choice.
So get out of my head,
Becasue you're making me crazy.
Get out my mind,
Becasue you're making me crave.
So get out of my body,
Before I want to shake you down to the core.
Nov 15, 2012
Nov 15, 2012 at 3:27 PM UTC
what the hell is love anyway? why is there this supposed special connection to someone. And why do we fret so much when it goes away? what makes it different than a friendship? is it the extra doses of horomones you get from kissing? (wich, lets face it, is oly a trigger to the brain to think of ****** contact) why must humans search and find this ONE person the propose impossible promises to? Most animals just let their ****** need envelope them when they choose and dont think too much on the subject. But doses of religion and morals of society prohibit us from doing that. Are those morals the things telling us to seek out this unreasonable aspect of love? are those morals the secret to these pain-inflicting circumstances? becasue, all feelings are are certain levels and mixtures of horomones in the brain, so love is nothing more than a science. The thing that seperates the link between enjoing someone as a friend and as a suitor is *** and the eason people get heartbroken and cry over losers who hurt them are merely the fault of morals
Jun 6, 2010
Jun 6, 2010 at 4:50 PM UTC
Mischievous secrets
Softly screamed in my ear
Anger surging
And racing through me
Voices no on else can hear
Crying out in my mind
Revealing truths
Sheding light on shadows
Soul cowering in the corner
Afraid of everything, everyone
People you've hurt before
Try to warn me and tell me
Exactly what will happen
If I say only 3 words
Fatal words hurtful words
You know of the damage they cause
And of the wreckage they bring
Yet you say them so meaningly
Your trying to hurt me
And bring me pain
Well you succeeded
My heart is slain
And I feel a pain
Like no other pain
And I still tell you
I still love you
And no matter what
I always will
And you never will
So ***** I spill
Because you make me sick
Because you think your slick
But you're not
All this is what runs through me
And my mind
As I sit here and you tell me
This 3 word devastation
That I fear, so much I fear
As I'm dripping a tear
As you softly whisper in my ear
I love you dear
Tears crystal blue
Becasue I know its not true
Jun 13, 2010
Jun 13, 2010 at 8:10 PM UTC
I see things in the clouds,
pretty things,
scary things,
sometimes just shapes and fluff.
I feel things becasue of the clouds,
weightlessness,
lightheartedness,
sometimes just nothing.
I think about things because of the clouds,
flying far away,
how lovely that would be,
sometimes just mesmerized into sleep.
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 1:07 PM UTC
I want to sneak out and meet you at the end of my street and risk everything just to spend my time with you and be able to glide your hands up and down my body again. Would you be willing to do the same? However,Darling while were falling inlove to Lana Del Rey's"Born to Die" in the pitch black at 2 am I don't want you to stop loving me for the night just becasue you are scared of me telling you I love you, wich I do, and even my loneliest words can't explain how I feel without you by my side during that moment in time.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 11:47 PM UTC
hey dad.
how are you?
i miss you. a lot.
although you're just a text away, i still can't bring myself to carry through.
i hope she treats you well. and i hope those boys aren't ornery ********
i sometimes think about the day at the st. louis children's mueseum.
it was happiness.
i think that's my reason.
i still haven't told you about it; the darkness, i mean
my darkness i should say
because i know about yours
maybe we can bond
since our biological bond isn't real
sometimes when i'm sad, i want to call you
but you're probably busy
or maybe you don't care
i don't know
i wanna tell you how i can't stop thinking about filling the emptiness and longing, with substances you've had issues with in the past
speaking of, you're drinking again.
i blame her whole-heartedly
although it pains me not to give the fault to myself for once,
i still will always blame her
did you know that when you got engaged, i wanted to jump off a cliff?
probably not.
do you know that i still sometimes feel like that?
but not just becasue of you.
mom is a factor and sonia and grandma and friends and boys
but you,
you were the one i never thought would make me feel so ******
it's cliche, i know
an other suicidal teen girl with daddy issues
i'm thinking about what would happen if i were to visit you in the fall
imagining her on your arm makes my heart feel stretch across the grand canyon of space that seperates your world and mine
someday i will tell you
everything
every feeling and thought and wrong-doings
i will say it all
dad, i miss you to the god **** moon and back
it's five in the moring and i'm thinking of the way you used to take care of our yard
you were just getting bad then
i was young
i didn't realize
please know i've grown into a woman
without you
i get it now
i'm imagining seeing you in september and you sugar coating the truth and me crying over a false reality
so please be honest with me if you want to be in my life
i run on truthfulness and cynical humor
and if you can't handle me
tell me
because i deserve the truth as much, if not more than you
i love you, ron.
and you will always be my father
no matter who comes in goes in my life
you will walk me down the aisle and we'll be happy
as happy as we were that day at the st. louis children's muesuem
i miss you so ******* much, dad
call me back as soon as you get this.
i hope you are doing well.
Jul 2, 2014
Jul 2, 2014 at 6:06 AM UTC
They say come shine with us brotha
We'll make you a star
Above the life your living
Into a new beginning
They Really want you to Illuminate...
So They'll scope you out, take your talents
and you'll Illumainate..
Out of the darkness
of nothingness
the normal everyday
Into a new relm of darkness
Blinded, guided all the way,
So You'll do as they say
becasue you want their way
of lifestyle they portray,
But thats not their everyday
But You Illuminate.....
On the black and white
cause colors don't exsit
well not by themselves
just hidden in abyss
But you Illuminate....
Climbing to the top
your light can't be stoped,
As a pawn in their chess game
you just want the fame
Because you Illuminate....
You think we are not the same
And you do as they say
found no better way
to see but out one Eye
an As You Illuminate...
All You see is I
Cuz To you thats who got you there,
But they know it was them
and You so unaware
You Illuminate
For Him,
Marrying the night
with contracts that seem so right
and then Your tied to strings
To Illuminate
All there things,
the corruption of the pure
No longer your own source of power,
But they're your electricity
Causing you to Illuminate
The way they want you to be
Binded To the ROC
Universal Mind control,
But everyone Once a chance
To Illuminate The Soul....
Making this your goal
you dont understand,
They say to be great...
You Need To Illuminate....
May 18, 2012
May 18, 2012 at 11:28 AM UTC
Jumping is scary,
exhilerating,
and fun,
untill you fall,
shooting twards the ground,
you scream,
and close your eyes,
waiting for the pain
it should be sxrushaiting as you hit the cold hard ground,
you should be burning,
you should be crying.
but you're not.
becasue I cought you,
I told you that when you jumped,
I would be there to catch you.
I told you that when you jumped,
I would be there to catch you,
I would save you,
from the pain of falling.
You didn't believe me,
But now you do.
You know,
that I will never hurt you,
never make you cry,
and always catch you when you fall.
Jan 3, 2013
Jan 3, 2013 at 2:55 PM UTC
You took my heart and broke it in two;
What did I do to deserve that from you?
My heart was yours,
As was my body.
Anything you wanted I would give.
So you took what I had to offer
And eventually found that I wasn't enough.
I got hurt in the end even though I offered so much.
Now I'm moved on
And there isn't anything for you to do.
I'm done with your crap
Before I have another anxiety attack over you.
I still care, that much is true.
But I also need to love and be loved
For that is what I was born to do.
I've found someone new who loves me for me.
And I hope you do the same,
Becasue I want you also to be happy.
Nov 5, 2012
Nov 5, 2012 at 9:42 PM UTC
The more that we talk the more I'm attracted
The only probelm is I'm not that romantic
I'm just a simple man with a single heart
Not much I could do when were this far apart
You mean the calls we have are way too short,
Becasue theres never enough time to say what you want,
Like if I could I would stay on forever
Because you are the reason why I'm under the weather
If me is what you want then please do say it,
Cause if it was I would also admit it
Your eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky
And if I could I would gracefully grab each one
Becuase there the closest thing to you I could find
Although I do this, my mind is unsettled
Because there has to be more that resemebles
The perfect face they once promised
But I prayed that whoever is upstairs will give the person the bears the same feeling
And links not just our arms but hearts and will help me through the hardest parts
God chose me and you to be the ones to say our dues
So grab my hand and hold on tight
Because this is goin to be one wild fight
Sep 19, 2013
Sep 19, 2013 at 4:07 PM UTC
I piece of me has gone.
My heart feels cold like winter on the north pole...
A shadow tinted in my heart,
becasue your gone.
The love of not my father, but acted like one.
My life was bonded from your wisdom,
and your jokes.
Like the earth and the moon.
You teach me how to rotate on earth.
Your memories will never fade away from me.
Now your gone, and my life is a puzzle.
It is destiny of human kind to die...
And I hate it... I will always love you.
And my heart has your mark of wisdom.
Thank you for the time, and love you took on me.
I...Will..Miss...You...
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 7:52 AM UTC
Stubborn and strong
He walked through the world
often misunderstood
For there was always a smile, a smirk
under that serious exterior of his
A heart
full of love
A passion
for the simple things in life
As though it were yesterday
I recall
walking on the boardwalk
trolling across the glassy bay
driving for hours
on our way to nowhere
in seach of ourselves
I hear his voice in my mind
Mighty and deep, yet cracked by life and time
Jokes and stories, reassurance and advice
I search for them there
When I need to smile
When I need to be brave
When I search for answers
I can't find on my own
And now as I write
A tear makes its way down my cheek
Though he's so far away
He's so close in my heart
Freed from a life that ended in sickness and pain
He's so alive withiin me
it's been years since his obnoxious snore awakened the whole house
it's been years since his laughter filled the room
It's been years since he held my tiny hand
And made my world seem alright
I am who I am
Becasue of who he taught me to be.
Feb 19, 2011
Feb 19, 2011 at 7:02 PM UTC
I look in the mirror it's not what i expect.
I see someone that is hard to respect.
I see someone that's thrown his life away.
It's like i've been content with everyday.
But now I've realized I'm not.
And if I stay like this surely I will rot.
I see someone who has aged but not grown at all.
I see someone who trips but never falls.
If I were to hit the ground one time
Would I realize my clock had chimed?
That I can't continue to live like this.
That becasue of my actions I now have someone to miss.
I've finally fallen flat on my face.
Your love is something I can not replace.
And I just sit here looking at this mirror.
Wondering if this is all I have to fear.
I've said alot of things and never followed through.
But all my lies were always right on cue.
It's really cost me this time around.
I took you for granted, loneliness is what I've found.
If I could make this right I would.
But I'm going to do what I should.
I'll never forget you that much is true.
But the tears I've cried are through.
Maybe soon you will see.
That you really are meant for me.
And that I'm not the person I was before.
That this relationship won't be a chore.
I know this will take time so you can see.
How much of a change there will be in me.
Never again will my words hurt you.
All my negativity is through.
So now as I look in the mirror.
Everything before me is clear.
Change this thing that you call life.
End all the fighting and strife.
Then maybe one day we can be.
Happy together without a plea.
Oct 15, 2012
Oct 15, 2012 at 2:55 AM UTC
Roses are Red
and I am Blue
Violets are Violet idiots
and Violence is subtle
until you turn Blue
or black
but I was born like that
and he was born with a turbin
and she was born with a veil
And then there were those born pale
...But what ever the matter they were born
believing that roses are red and violets are blue
not that I should love you too..
But just my brothers and sisters...
not anything different..
and I should beat a Violet till it turns Blue...
Becasue thats what it should do...
No matter if im black, Pale, muslim or hindu
I will beat a Violet blue...
And Keep all roses red
Cuz I still haven't Got to I love you!!
Sep 11, 2012
Sep 11, 2012 at 9:53 AM UTC
she had mornings
(still does)
where she'd not talk to anybody
so i'd get on tumblr and check,
finding the familiar phrase
she used on these days
"i'm such a *****
and between classes
i would find her and wrap her in my arms
and tell her she wasn't
she never believed me,
always disagreed with me
so isn't it ironic
that those words-
"you aren't a *****
are the ones i hold on to now
everytime i start thinking she is
i tell myself i was right,
that she's only had a hard life
and thinks differently than me
but then she cuts me off walking in the hall,
she gives me emotionless stares on the bus
(where i sit 8 seats farther from her than ever before)
and i almost call her a *****
but i hold off, knowing i was right
i walk an extra three blocks
to and from the convenience store
to avoid her house.
i spend lunch in the library
to avoid hearing her voice.
i walk home from the elementary school
to avoid her presence.
and i don't go swimming
with my brothers boyscout troop
to avoid the memory
of the first time she said she loved me.
but when i'm about to call her a *****
because avoiding her
only makes me remember what she did to me-
i stop
because i know i was right
those words were probably the reason
she left for the last time
the reason she says nothing to me now
becasue she always believed she was right.
i only hope i'm right,
but i try so hard to convince myself
because i don't want to, someday
get so ****** off that i scream at her
that she's a *****
because that will break her
and she'll think she's right
that all her insecurities and anxieties
are true
are righteous,
and she'll be hurt forever
thinking that she's horrible.
she isn't
she isn't a *****
just misunderstood by herself.
when i look at her,
i feel no anger
and i supress the sadness
which may create anger.
anger only fuels my thinking that word
and i can't bring myself to hurt her
no matter how much she hurt me.
not a *****
not
a
*****
©Brandon Webb
2012
Nov 23, 2012
Nov 23, 2012 at 4:27 AM UTC
-A Psalm Of Johnson
We Christian’s worship the living triune God with an unquenchable zeal,
Unlike all the other false gods in the world, he is very much real!
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021 at 7:39 PM UTC
The moment you notcied me was something of a dream,
something I would never expect,
becasue I was a mere moth in a garden of iridescent butterflies.
You woke me up at 6am on a summer morning, my oh my,
what a miracle, you worked a wonder,
you left your number,
so I left mine, and the dream froze.
Now I've been awake,
(the kind of awake where you have to stick toothpicks in your eyes to pry them open)
searching for signs of you everywhere.
The thing I want most is for that little blue light to appear so I know that we're both constantly pathetically thinking about each other.
I'm to shy to talk to you first,
and maybe you're sitting there too,
staring for the light on your phone,
like gatsby staring at the green light,
debating if its way to soon to text.
Please do, I don't want to be gatsby, staring for the light,
I want to have the privilege of seeing the light often
don't be afraid.
12:21 the light hasn't appeared. Please think of me
Jul 12, 2014
Jul 12, 2014 at 12:45 AM UTC
I was there,
when each of you
were born,
that change,
from womb to
life with room to
grow,
beyond what nurtures,
leaving behind sutures,
and now, scars at what your mom, all moms
gave away,
so you are here today,
she bore scars then,
and she will again,
and again,
when you forget a birthday card, or to call,
or don't drop by on Mother's day at all,
but she, will be the first to defend
each one of you in their turn, until the end,
so remember, if you read this, it is nothing
more than a kiss as a reminder,
come and find her, stand behind her,
not to take advantage,
of being first or last or in between,
and whisper in her ear, that you love
her, as much as there is air in the atmosphere,
and you know she has cried an ocean of tears,
inside for each time, each of you, or others have broken her heart,
but it does not mean she is angry,
but it does not mean she is frankly cranky (that's me)
what it means is she is human
who has made enough room in her
heart for all of you forever, whether or not
you bring flowers or hold her hand for a walk, when she gets older,(light years from now)
just call her and listen more than you talk,
give her the time to be creative, ART recharges her battery pack.
For she is special, like ripples in the pond,
her love can be felt like the waves that goes on and on,
and I observe all this, and I am in awe,
becasue I too have a mother,
who is unlike any other, except her capacity to show her love for me,
for all the time, years and miles, distance between her and me.
And she still smiles when me she sees.
©DWE112013
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 11:56 PM UTC
When you look at me
You would see me smiling
You would ignore the pain I carry
You would ignore my scars.
I'm happy, don't you know?
I was never sad
For you, I guess...
Becasue you don't care
You just strike away the depair
That dwells in me
And then you say I don't understand
Because I am always happy.
But one should know
THAT I AM NOT!
The doctor wasn't happy
When I was born
The neighbour wasn't happy
Because I was a girl.
I wasn't happy when I was four
I wasn't happy when I was eight
I remember I cried on my 8th birthday
Because no one was happy I was born that day.
You say I smile
But that's the satan in me smiling
She got what she wanted
She wanted me to get crazy
And now I am.
What more do you want from me?
Are you happy now?
Oh, you're sad?
Then why don't you stop
Saying things about me!
Why don't you ever ******* stop!
You're making me sick!
I'm tired of this
I am tired of slashing my wrist
I am ******* tired of all your jokes
And if this doesn't make YOU happy,
Then I'll have no choice
But to slash my neck.
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 6:54 AM UTC
My name is chloe
but you can call me liz
I changed my name becasue chloe
isnt the girl you thought she is
you see chloe
was a diffrent me
kept everything bottlede up so no one will see
that is why i want to change my name from chloe
no one understands liz
but that is because seh's not fake
no one cares about liz
because she pushes the people she loves away
liz isnt suicidal
because liz doesnt care
liz is who i am now
but chloe will always be there
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 2:22 AM UTC
I'd like to think people are like little universes.
Have you gone around crowded streets?
have you seen them?
Not like you see them when they cross the street with you:
I want to know if you wouldn't love to know
what's going through their minds.
It works like this:
choose a person,
any person will do, becasue after all,
we are all made of more or less the same things.
We are all made of thoughts like stars and constellations,
and loved ones who live inside us like planets
(my cat means a world to me)
we are made of talents that make us shine like comets
and fears that sometimes can be like black holes.
Choose a person,
any person will do, but be careful,
because decoding a universe isn't as easy as you think:
have you got one?
You finally got one.
He stepped out of the coffee shop with a latte.
He walks, and when he walks,
he moves with the intensity of a shooting star.
Go and say hi.
If he answers, and he tells you his name,
congratulations:
the door is open.
Now it's up to you to wander like a lost astronaut
in the Milky Way that a person's mind can be.
You may get to know the hidden galaxy under his skin,
and if you are a little lucky, some of it will melt with yours:
you may share worlds and form constellations with stars from both
("last night I heard this song that reminded me of you")
but there's a thing you have to remember:
this universe where we live is infinite,
and it's always expanding itself more and more,
forming more mysteries we might never reveal.
Our universes are little, but also so big
sometimes we don't even know ourselves at all.
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 8:55 PM UTC
As my life moves on im becoming colder,
Feelings escape me as i get older,
Logic prevails no matter the case,
Emotion finding itself out of place,
Love meaningless,
Sadness meaningless,
Colors meaningless,
happiness meaningless,
Im feeling less,
Less human,
Less connected,
More robotic,
More calculated,
Turned away by those around,
Emotions keeping them off the ground,
Bound by thier irrational sense of worth,
Forgetting of their own timeless birth,
Forgetful of the blood that courses through their veins,
Human being is all of our name,
Pulled to the clouds by a need undefined,
So called hole in our hearts no one can find,
But i am a spectator walking through the zoo,
Watching the monkeys as they throw their poo,
Not aware of how silly they all continue to look,
Knowledge, logic, and thinking not defined in their book,
But ill read your chapters,
And skim your book,
I get the idea,
I understand the hook,
But thats all it will be,
Forever and evermore,
Becasue sooner or later,
Your words will become folklore.
Feb 19, 2012
Feb 19, 2012 at 10:14 PM UTC
I cant' write How I feel
Act on whats not real
theres no peace if not resloved
How can I script love,
If Im constantly correcting
your lines your stumbling
I need this to be real,
something you really feel....
Not just words you memorized
actions emotionalized,
but this has to be real
I need you to feel......
Im not looking for an actress
Who's use to her back upon a matress,
Im' looking for a lover
who doesn't just love undercovers,
Show it to me in your eyes
or eles this script is lies,
let me hear it in your voice
as if you had no other choice,
So recite your lines
As if It was inception of the mind,
and as we do embrace
Let passion flow along your face,
and say it....
what I wrote upon your heart
becasue for me this is ture,
"I Love You" .....
Let the world hear it,
Present your debut
And lets throw away this script
Cuz now its just Me and You....
May 30, 2012
May 30, 2012 at 11:57 AM UTC
The first time I went to my therapy class
I despised everything
the thought of simply going made me feel crazy
It made me fear the truth about myself
and in that instant I hated my therapist
I though she didn't know much about my supposed illness
becasue in that moment I thought
you can never truly understand a mental illness until
or unless you've lived with one
It's not something you can read in a psychology textbook
and call yourself an expert
Jul 2, 2015
Jul 2, 2015 at 10:08 PM UTC