My love for you
is not the fluffy kind.
Here you will not get
Sweet nothings in flowers bind.
Neither will you receive,
Such gifts as love can find.

But it's love as well,
That waits and watches
That let's feelings swell
And in time, them catches.
Love need not be shown
Or proclaimed to the masses.

Let it be private.
Because I am scared.
Scared of too much exposure.
Scared of not much composure.
Scared that this what has started,
Will risk the wrath of displeasure.

Let it not scream and shout for once.
Let it have a passive existence.
And let it grow as such.
Not everything needs to be active.

Sometimes I wonder,
if you would recognise me,
years later.
Where I would come up to you,
with a token of my love,
in a different city, in a different land.

Maybe I will disguise myself.
And I'll be fatter than I used to be,
and older and more tired,
of this life without you.

Would you still recognise me?
While I have made, in my mind,
Every permutation and combination,
of how you would look now and maybe
ten years later. Twenty even.
I would add weight to your body,
and wrinkles to your cheeks.
And present myself with your image,
Older but still beautiful.

But would you recognise me?
I wonder and fear,
that in your ignorance,
will be my death!

The feeling when you want to write,
you want to express,
you want to scream,
you want to shout...

But nothing comes out.

Everything seems to go deeper within.
Pushing and shoving.
Through membranes thick and thin.
And then an ache...

A familiar one,
just beside the heart.
It pains and throbs,
like the heart has had enough
and wants to stop.

Be the star
you were meant to be.
Shine bright and strong.
Be the guide to wandering barks,
and the solace of lonely lovers.
Take your butterfly wings
and fly to newer heights.
Take your giant heart
and love others.
Be the star
you were meant to be.
Be the star you are.

A candle on a cupcake,
and a single room an everywhere.
I remember and treasure this
and such memories.
Of swimming with dolphins
and picking shells.
But it's best this way.
As emotion swells.
And broken ties,
show us the way ahead.

Today, after many days,
I missed you.
Every moment of the day,
I searched for your presence.
My heartbeats searched,
for the sound of your footsteps.
You know, the kind of missings
that happen when you are used to,
a presence just being there.
Not talking, not doing anything,
But just being. In the same room,
same house, same hearts.
It's been a long time.
But I missed you.
Longed for you.
Pined for you.
Smiled for you.
Cried for you.

I could still, even today,
remember your touch,
your scent, your voice,
your smile and your feel.

But how long will this remain,
as two souls, miserable,
without each and other?

And there will be many more such days,
where you and I will dearly miss each other.
Only to remain apart, forever.

It's better,
In the way the world's revolve,
In the way people live lives
As if in a trance,
Dancing and singing,
Without joy.
It's better,
That you live by hating me,
Than die by loving me.

I'm all yours tonight baby,
I'm all yours.
Right there in your arms,
I'm all yours.

Talking and playing,
With each and other,
Whispering sweet nothings,
To one another.

I'm all yours tonight baby,
I'm all yours,
To caress and to hold
I'm all yours.

When two souls walked on the edge,
Of the glittering sea,
Fingers touching their tips,
So tell the powers that be....

I'm all yours tonight baby,
I'm all yours

Oh now what am I to do?
I, who always wanted to see you happy,
Know that you are not, and now
I can't do anything about it.

Trust me I want to.
I want to hold you in my arms and assure you,
That everything is all right.
Everything is going to be all right.
Everything will always be all right.
But I can't.

But know, of everyone in this universe,
If anyone can, you can.
If anyone could, you could.
If anyone would, you would.

But trust me baby.
Everything will be all right.
Everything is going to be all right.

As we make this journey,
through happiness and melancholy,
living through each day,
writing further, our story,
meeting and greeting,
fighting and loving.

But this heart of mine,
is too fickle.
Often finds itself,
in a terrible pickle.
Loved one, then another,
to love again,
to push further.

Oh my beating heart,
let you beat till the day I die.
Let me not settle down,
If so be it, make me cry.
Make me live all emotions,
spread over my skin like magic potions,
and then sleep.

Oh deep slumber, I long
for your caress.
till then, let me live,
with every duress.

You loved me,
to depths and breadths,
of your fertile imagination.
But refused to understand,
the love I needed.

I loved you too,
the ways you wanted,
to be loved and cherished.
Your dreams were mine,
to fulfill, to make true.
And I tried.

But in this understanding,
and not understanding,
Seeing and not seeing,
we lost each other,
to the powers of being.

What remained was hate,
in your gullet,
and still remained,
your picture in my wallet.

We drifted apart,
And then the day came,
when you stepped
into a new decade.
A decade we had wished,
we had seen together.
A life we had wished
we had lived forever.
But happy birthday darling,
seems it was never to be.
Happy Birthday darling,
the world is yours to see.

And I have to be happy,
with what you were to me.

What if I never forgot you?
Yes, I carried on with life,
Through pleasures and rough strife,
But with no one to look up to.

I didn't stop loving,
neither did I stop living.
Isn't that where we try to go on,
as if nothing went wrong,
from day to day and way to way,
finding people to ease our stay?

Yes, I tried to love again,
I tried to see a future,
I tried to live ,
But how could I?

My life has always been,
Through your eyes seen.
My eyes just captured pictures,
of a future so green.

Pictures of yours,
were mine.
Through my eyes
you were divine.

She let out a muffled scream,
of passion and emotion,
thoughts rushing through her mind,
of restrained but freeing motion.

Making feeling paramount,
not intellect, was the aim.
Hand, face, feet all blurred,
She couldn't herself tame.

Of gentle flicking,
of mad thrusting,
of soft caressing,
of violent pounding.

She couldn't concentrate,
on the thoughts and things,
which flapped its butterfly wings,
all of which rapture brings.

With painful sounds of pleasures more,
with broken dreams and powers galore,
with shredded pains and children four,
she held him crazy, knowing what's in store.

And in the process of going
and coming, to the point,
She lay back on the ashes,
of her dreams disjoint!

Half the man I was,
I enjoy but I don't laugh,
I hum but I don't sing,
I move but I don't dance,
I care but I don't love,
I am me,
but only somewhat.

Breaking gold, and copper, red.
Dark lines lining a sea of tales.
Of pearls within a moment's existence.
Silence remains of his persistence.

Diamonds contour the frame,
Sparkle and sizzle the game.
Images taken or not,
broken promises, a lot,
new visages, not one,
slowly, slowly undone.

Such was the time,
such was the place,
such was the heart,
such was the face.
Such was he,
who wanted to test.
Forever more wanting,
In another life he guessed.

In another life he guessed
those tales will be heard again,
and those pearls will be worn,
as garlands of togetherness.
But for now, the stories have to wait,
till he sees her again,
till he loves her again.

Faith... what makes it,
and what breaks it.
Remains unknown.
But to the empty carcass
of the once enabled,
full bodied,
rotting corpse of man,
it remains within,
the soul.
I thought being true,
is all that it takes.
Of vision and revision,
all that it needs.
Of writing and re-writing,
all that it feels.
Mistaken I was,
I never understood,
the complexities and complications.
Of twisted veins in bodies,
and in minds,
sinewy and dark.
Filled with ****** fluids,
running their jobs.
Impulses fatigued,
robbing it of consciousness.
Where finally there was none.
Throbbing still,
with hope.
And life.

The hands of movement,
by and by
break our fall,
they're indeed very sly.

A freedom of spirit,
Is slowly being crushed.
When one sees desperation,
dirt and dust.

A freedom is being taken,
to meet new lives,
Instead being given
...muffled cries.

A freedom is being snatched,
of happy joys.
Gender and doubt,
unlikely toys.

But trust was asked,
not very much,
A freedom was taken,
and life was such.

It was brittle,
and constricted.
Couldn't beat,
was extracted.

Left behind
an open wound,
festering, swelling
and bleeding.

Pipes were put,
down the pipe
to keep the liquid,
running and flowing.

A warm hand,
glove bound,
picked it up,
began the repair.

Yes, the frozen heart,
was thawing.
Pipes were out,
the wound was healing.

Locked in a cycle,
Of where the heart aches,
with silent, distant and intimate terrors,
Which memory never takes.

A white screen,
Ink filling in,
Whimpering in the distance,
Something deep within.

Something lives on,
Though no more the life,
Worlds beyond,
Legions in strife.

But still, the wheels
Rolled on never to be.
Divided in life,
United memory.

To the person,
Who never was,
Will always be,
Within me

A phone call,
small talk,
feelings and emotions,
a desire to know...

Know the person whom,
you say you love,
you say you care,
you say you want to know....
Before a lifelong commitment.

But can you, know and accept
things which you may not like?
Can you know and accept
a world where once you were not there?
Can you know, accept and still love
me with my past and present,
for a future of us?

Till then, I will lock inside,
feelings which I want to share,
with you whom I love.
Till then I will wait..
Till then I will wait...

A message in a bottle,
was once brought to me.
Adventures galore it narrated,
spread before to see.

Of dolphins to swim with,
Of sea and sand,
In front of thee,
holding thy hand.

Of collecting shells,
along the beach.
Of the waves' murmur...
wonderful speech.

Of fulfilling dreams
before an age,
Of flowers to line,
the margins of every page.

Of exotic things,
to breathe and eat.
Of highest places,
a lookout seat.

But nothing remains,
in remembrance.
As one mistake,
takes precedence.

The bottle is broken,
cannot hold a message.
Sinks below the surface,
Thus the final presage.

A needle through my vein,
and it runs, into a bag.
To be donated to someone,
someone who needs it
more than I do.
I happily give, but in return
receive two biscuits and
a bottle of water.
My body will regenerate it.
My soul will never feel it.
My life will never need it.
A bag of myself,
for someone else is given.
Appreciated it is,
as an unknown face,
that smiles on receiving.
A piece of myself is gone,
in the process of giving.

Restless in a room,
behind the window bars,
Rows of ordered cells,
In which I am one.
With which I am one,
to be in state,
motionless.
A dull throb in mind,
a desire to go out,
a number holds me back.
Cannot talk, cannot hear,
Unwell, sleeping.
Wake up and see,
Love for thee.
To tear me away from this
cage of mine. Out in the open,
into your arms.

Wrenched and twisted,
a sigh escapes
my heart, for you
and I, to be together.
Spun in a bin,
filled with a liquid,
to cleanse, to bind,
out to dry, on a hanger.
Hangs there thus,
to dry, to wrinkle, to fade.
Into the last ray,
of dimming light,
without the vitality,
of a last fight.

Flickering light, images flow by
of cats and vamps and wolves on the sly
the undead tango with the dead
oh.. the books I have not read.

When something happens, something small
turns the whole place withall
popcorn doesn't pop no more
it's all a matter of blood and gore.

For when in the jungle, the quiet jungle
the lion roars tonight
the baser beasts fail to mingle
and move out of MY sight!

Of flashy pictures and subtle texts found
A guy’s feet when I look around,
Of heavy lids of trashcans crude
Images of Paoli in the ****,
Of blood being ****** through the veins
And bedsheets filled with coffee stains.
Of walls and posts and weeks gone by,
Without a single scream or cry,
Of not a bath or a shower
Helpless without any such power,
Of Faustus and Valdes to spare
Othello seemed to have no care,

Tomorrow never dies for me…
For it's tomorrow I will never see.

Scissors cut me up,
along my chest,
into strange shapes,
into pieces.

Pieces which tell me to not be who I am,
pieces which tell me to slow down,
pieces which tell me to lower my voices,
pieces which break me down.

And there I stand skinless,
raw blood and bone,
breathing with everything showing,
Life, slowly going.

But my heart beats,
as obnoxious as it may be,
vile and needy,
but struggling to be free.

So take it out,
in your hands.
Feel its last attempts
to cry out,
before it dies out!

In a sense,
I am trapped,
as the powers to be,
have taken from me...

A life which i dreamed,
broken and crushed,
bleeding within,
silent and hushed.

Trying to get back,
that which I lost,
A storm inside,
tempest tossed.

The desire to rise,
and walk to what awaits,
Needs some food,
some kind of bait.

To draw me out,
and bite,
stuck on for life,
no respite.

Long distance calls,
scratchy images,
Invisible walls,
created.

Wavelengths afar,
crests and troughs,
moving stars,
seated.

Put out fires,
burning embers,
all the desires,
heated.

All these wars,
through thick and thin,
and life was,
fated!

Writing heads, stooping down,
On desks made to conform
While water plays outside
Free, no form.

A wandering mind,
With Innocence is filled,
A question of marriage,
Drops running down the sill.

In uniforms so close,
People come and go,
Forget the magic rumble
Of the world in tow.

The need to wake up,
To sights like these,
We forget and sink,
In the streams with unease.

Of being broken and rising,
again to invest in a barrage of feelings,
diving headlong into something again
without much thinking.
For in that dive lay happiness,
for following the heart.
And thus it pains,
As it beats itself and crunches.
For matters of distance calls,
but maybe that's not
enough to melt the shards of pride
which stick in veins of life.
Ah life... a series of experiences
without judgement, all are
needed for the feeling to be alive
Without which man ceases to feel
the blood in his eyes, in his heart.