Sitting in my room my mind floods with memories
Indulging in negativity occasionally feels good, yes please
My mental health has gone SO south these past several years
I like to drown my pain in multiple beers
That doesn't always work for me
I just absorb as much pain as I can as if it'll turn into positivity
All I want is to feel like I matter
But truthfully I feel like a bother
A bother, a burden; take your pick
Sadly, I won't get the validation I need because I'm not a "chick"
In my experience nobody cares about a guy's feelings
Men with feelings are defined as weaklings
It's a tragedy that has lead to some sad events throughout history
Put your hands up if you agree.
Men should be able to share their emotions too
I started this poem because I was feeling blue
This website helps me get that validation I desperately crave.
It is definitely one of my fave
Writing out my feelings helps me cope
It gives me just a little bit of hope
That someday I'll find that special someone
Someone that'll accept my shattered heart and mend it
Mend it and erase all that negative ****.

It's been years since I actually missed her
And its a surprise because I thought I was done dreaming of her forever
Not only did she break my heart
But I grew to hate the things we both shared, like a broken handle on a cart.
At one point during these 7 years I became delusional
Creating a fake relationship for her and I, utterly insane, no?
I wanted her and I to be a thing once upon a time
I considered myself to be a nickel and her a dime
Embarrassingly enough to say, but even before we became friends I had set my sights on becoming her man
Unfortunately, I was too hasty in my confession resulting in my unused plan.
I tried to not let it bother me and I was able to move on eventually
Until of course I found out she was interested in my best friend, not surprisingly.
He was pretty popular unlike me
I, however, wanted to be useful to her so I listened to her "gush" over him because that's what a friendzoned 'nice guy' does ,right?
His feelings don't matter so there's no point putting up a fight.
If she's actually interested in you she'll make those feelings known.
I couldn't understand that back then, but I can now since I've grown.
It's been 7 years since she released me from her life.
I became so jaded and bitter from all that strife.
The nickel that wanted to be with a dime
Can't believe I dreamt about her after all this time.

This year was supposed to be better
It was to be the year I got my life back together
Last year was incredibly horrible
This year I was hopeful
It was a mistake to feel that way
My accident left me feeling such dismay
Leaving me with such hatred towards the drunk driver that could've ended my life
He almost took away my chance to find a wife
It's been 6 months since the crash
I'm drowning in so much debt; I need some freaking cash
My brother wants me out by next year
Tbh it makes me wish I never moved here.
It's been 3 years and I never experienced a year of happiness
Everything I've been through built up so much stress
All this stress adds to my depression and makes me prone to suicidal thoughts.
Lately I've been thinking about what it feels like to die
Will I feel anything, will anybody even cry?
Does anybody truly care about me?
Or am I just an empty soul internally.
This is how this year has got me in my feelings

Sometimes I just want to give up on life
These past 3 years have blasted me with so much strife
No one truly understands what it's like to be me
They talk down to me and that makes me so angry
Saying whatever they **** well please
I'm forced to just put up with it; geeze!
Since life is so unfair
I think to myself "Why should I even care?"
Nobody else does and its warped my mindset
I no longer give the benefit of the doubt.
I assume the worse of everyone.
So many of my "friends" had shown me their true colors
And I hate that I gave them my friendship in the first place.
They certainly didn't deserve it.
Giovanna, Olivia, Melissa
You three girls affected me the worse. I wish I had never met any of you.
You did me so ***** when you unfriended me.
I constantly wish you regret your decision but it's not likely.
I don't even want to mention the women that scammed, extorted and blackmailed me.
They are not worthy of still being in my head
I keep them there tho so as not to repeat my mistakes.

I keep trying to live right
But then I'm faced with things that just bite.
I can't remember a time I was actually happy
Because of my accident that destroyed me physically, mentally and financially.
The guy didn't even have insurance, leaving me to seek out other compensation
It is all such BS and I'm left with all this frustration
Hospital bills just keep piling up because of his choice to drink and drive
Due to his idiocy his girlfriend isn't even alive.
And I was left with a broken leg and arm and collapsed lung
Leaving me bitter and the opposite of highstrung.
No one wants to financially help me
even with me promising to pay them back indefinitely.
It just gets to me every once in awhile
Like is there no one that can grant me a smile.
I wish I could get a 'restart my life' card
Everything I'm going through: it's just so hard

Oh so family is supposed to always be there for you
Just not when sharing your feelings;it's not cool?
You can't confide in them with what you are dealing with
Got me feeling like a sith
That my feelings are too dark
Like I'm red kryptonite Clark
Leaving me to become real bitter
Like all the times i was verbally attacked by a "her"
I'm told to act my age
I'm only 30 I'm not a wise sage

I'm sorry for my insensitive question
But what's done is done.
You didn't have to go to your daddy
You could've just told me
You didn't have to escalate this
You took away my morning that was somewhat full of bliss
Now I'm feeling all emotion
I already deal with so much with my own situation
It was my own fault for trying to be a decent human being
I'll just go on carrying
Carrying all the negativity i experience on a daily basis
If it's not one thing it's another bringing me no kind of solace
I've already been through so much
My heart is already hobbling around as if on a crutch
It's been battered so much by what people say
It may be cliche but no, I'm not okay.