i was so foolish back then
seeing you in a perfect light
it blinded me
your unfulfilled promise became my only hope
i let you drown me in your own pity
your own insecurities
i let them define me, i let them break me
you got to play magician
always pretending you could snap away my cracks
when i was the one mending yours
always making me worry
disappearing for days at a time
but always finding a reason to be upset when you would return
i was your toy
a pawn in your game
and i never even read the rules
you let me believe you needed saving
when i was the one living in the nightmare

the ghost of who i thought you were still haunts me
but i could never hate you

It's days like this
It's worth remembering
It's not the end of the world
It's the bittersweet beginning

Does it always go this way
I mean you suddenly text
outta the blue
after you threw our friendship away
You erased me , blocked me
Shattered me
Yet here you text
and I can't walk away
I can't ignore
I want to trust you
I want to believe you
feel sorry
or you actually realize
our meaning to each other
Who am , I kidding
**** here , I go again
don't you dare
play me !!!
it will be you hurting
this , I promise you !!
© Jennifer L DeLong 🦏4/3/2021

you can trust me
secrets
wishes
desires
all kept under my lock and key
they can’t hurt you
not unless they take my entry
and steal what was ours to keep
i would never betray my own word
only if you abandon me
the depths of my own knowledge
are often so bittersweet
filled with the voices of a thousand murmurs,
sayings that are mine to keep
admit it once,
i’ll lock it away
never for anyone to peek

Things will be different,

  Once I change.

Here I am being wishful again,

Wising for it hard

Bearing in mind, also the odds.

Yearning for it

Sometimes almost reaching out to it

To all that I aspire

Almost feeling it

A moment surreal

And then

Snatched back to the instance

By a blink

A snap

A blow yet of the softest touch

Create waves inside the head

It rises

It descends

Ripples

It soothes

Gradually

Into the nothing.

When I say I miss him, I'm not saying there is something missing with us.
This isn't the scramble for the final piece of the puzzle we're determined to finish on Christmas day,
Every part of you is perfect for me in every single way,
I just miss my friend who I would spend every day, with.

And when I say I still love him, I'm not saying I'm in love with him.
If I was in love with him I probably wouldn't have left him because that would have been an odd thing to do.
I just loved the man and really still do,
In the same way I love my friends and family too.

And when I say I want to see him still, I don't mean every day.
I understand that isn't realistic and would probably take the **** a bit,
But I'd just like to sit, have a coffee,
With the man I use to love.

Red white and blue
Red white and blue
How my heart wanted
To be true
But your devotion to me
Is not what mine was to you
Red white and blue
How I wish I could be true