tw self harm



My skin is decorated in scars
Adorned with marks
Of battles lost
Nights surrendered
To the blade

Each night they come to me
The thoughts
Temptations
Don’t you wanna see it again??
Don’t you wanna watch yourself bleed?
And I just...
I trace the scars along my wrist
Along my thigh
And remember the weight
Each and every line a burden
Something I have to carry
And if I have any fight left in me
I won’t make it heavier
For myself to carry tomorrow

This is the end
Another year
Lying under the moon
Without you would be lost
Room colder than Neptune

It does not matter my location
Cough wracks lonely lungs
Roll over
Shut my tired eyes
Dawn forces mornings hum

Do you feel heavy weight like me?
As your emotions fall
I can sense the incoming year
The impressive looming wall

All these memories are full;
weighted down by iron bars
that lock and trap.
wrapping chains around me,
but I let them.

Too wild to be tamed,
Too alone to be sane,
but you looked at me
and you smiled-
oh god, you smiled.

Too scared of trying,
not understanding the meaning of family
until you took my hand
and I know what you're doing,
but by some miracle-
by some twisted miracle,
I let you.

You weigh me down now,
long after you're gone.
These chains never rust,
they never loosen.

I let myself be captured by your love.
And I'm still not sure if I regret it or not,
but you taught me how to feel.
And sometimes I wish you hadn't,
because these feeling that are inside me
are far from the malleable, soft thing that I've become.
Far from the person you turned me into.

They are sharp edges
and strong, unyielding walls.
They plunge me into a current
and I don't know how to swim.
So I take it all, floating along
without your guidance.

You taught me these things-
and then you left before you were done.
You've left me to smooth out the edges on my own
but you never taught me how.

Ech day me comëth tydinges thre
(anonymous Middle English lyric, circa the 13th to 14th century AD)
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Each day I’m plagued by three doles,
These gargantuan weights on my soul:
First, that I must somehow exit this fen.
Second, that I cannot know when.
And yet it’s the third that torments me so,
Because there’s no way to know where the hell I will go!

Ech day me comëth tydinges thre,
For wel swithë sore ben he:
The on is that Ich shal hennë,
That other that Ich not whennë,
The thriddë is my mestë carë,
That Ich not whider Ich shal farë.

Keywords/Tags: Middle English, rhyme, medieval, epigram, lament, complaint, weight, soul, burden, burdened, heaviness, plague, plagued, exit, death, manner, fen, torment, hell, when, where, how, why

I forgot how it felt to be hungry
How your bones rack for crumbs on the bottom of your heart
My bones feel like brittle; ready to break at a gush of wind
But Brittle is candy
Candy is a sweet delicacy of whom people like me refuse to have
Candy is what I believe I can be
Only if I change into one of those target plastic models
Perfect and pristine, standing as if they are mocking me
Making fun of my creatures in the dark
And my not-so-ideal summer body
I just want a summer body
I want to see what other people see in me
I want to be all that I could be if I was pretty
So I start dropping things off of my menu, drop by drop
First a side dish, then my sugary drink
That drink should go to hell for how much weight it makes me gain
I reach down my throat until my regrets come back up
Reminding me I cannot be pretty the way other girls get to be
Ducking to the restroom after a meal
Anxiety overwhelming every ounce of me as soon as I eat
There is beauty in pain, right?
Or beauty is pain?
Either way, they are correlated
That is good enough to allow me to turn myself in who I want to be
I was over this, I thought I was over being hungry
But then a man stared at me while I was walking to Walgreens
I do this to be beautiful for just a moment
But I also do this to disappear
Don’t look at me like that flesh of meat that day on that broken night
I want it to go away even if it means my bones shake on a sunny day
Even if my soul weeps at night
Even if my friends pick up on what’s wrong
Oh, please don’t pick up on what’s wrong
Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?
Let me be in control of my body
Watch me clatter to the floor and please don’t help me
Let me shake and quake
Watch me wear a heavy sweater and get out of breath walking
Let me substitute food for sweet vapor in my lungs
oooh it tastes sweet like brittle
Let me disappear
Please just let me disappear.

Faith in the fall
Breathes into a warm blanket
And cold floor
Begging
More

Time in bed

To plan,
Break from what's here
See tomorrow in the new
Light streaming through
Cracks in the dark

A coffee, a car, a road
A turn in the dark,
An overhang slung low
Like that weight
We escape

Break in the forest,
Bald peak peeking through
Light shining brighter
The beacon we head to

Ice, slick, slow, quiet
Spin, twist, skid.
Skid.

The sky growing cloudy,
Lines break from the trail
Through the trees,
Which carry
All that held us down

Today we just lay fresh tracks
In the new snow

You tried to disrespect
                   my mother..
saying she was easier
                  than a ****** on ****.

But you never knew your father,
was he the neighbour,
                       the homeless guy..

Na he was my older brother,
cos your mother had an open
                         all hours policy..

And you father was in his place,
behind bars, fifteen years

of being the ***** with shirt *******,
                           crop top of a  *****...

Your no brother, not a half or a quarter.

Your a spillage of happy hour
                             but your life

        is nothing more than time.

I got more respect just for breathing,
you haven't even got breath


cos your unqualified to live,
                     let alone breath.

You may be family, but you should
               have been aborted

as your still a clot



                                 on the floor of life.

Talk about my mother, and you'll
be found at the bottom of a stairwell,

unfortunate accidental demise,
               I can lift twice

                               my body weight.

my friends told me
i've lost too much weight
is the mirror lying
or are they?