Brown eyes as big
as my heart

I wanted you from the
very start

but I maintained
and stayed in my lane

but when you spoke
I never heard a word you were saying

You may have guessed,
I'm a mess, obsessed with love & ***

I'm a little weird
I might need a shrink

when I'm around you
I never even blink

even when my knees grow weak
that face of yours
is the only help I'll seek.

NEW DAY—
   wake up.
Put your head in order.
Do not trust the inspiration just
go with it. Because
when it strikes it strikes hard and fast and
it ends with both sides panting— put your head in order.
   It's a good thing waking up early.
Shower off, then immediately after—
two cups of coffee. And a cigarette.
I hold my vices in a cup.
   Relapse into delirium; it's O.K.
—Quickly out the window to first
breathe in new day.
Snag the morning paper as an errand; locate self on this
wide spinning orb.
Locate self in the Material, then
locate your Center.
I have a CENTER.
All good feelings from the CENTER.
Bleed me. —Get my head together.
   Back inside to fireplace, and piles
upon piles
upon piles of
needless words, works and extra copies,
all to be delivered unto warmth—my fire.
Put the book down.
Do not obsess over self-image, or
Self involving propoganda.
   Accept the imminent dissatisfaction— I mean
really Accept that.
One more smoke,
****** thoughts—    Keep your head in order.

Get to know what wears you and describe it eloquently.
Lose all track of time just walking.
Walk more often.
Love your footsteps, each and every ******* one.
REMEMBER:
   Timing is a virtue.

They say
"She wants to **** him hard,"
but he hardly wants to **** her
still he calls day and night
and like a therapist she listens
**** this
**** that
**** this *****
and not you
When will you learn?
He's a man
educating you on
how to be a lap dog
you put your head
in his lap
and he'll ask you to beg
He doesn't give a **** about you
but you cling to him
like a dog ******* a leg.
You stupid girl
You stupid girl.
He doesn't want you
He wants himself.
While he looks in the mirror
with his tiny *******
he thinks, "I'm the man
take this all my *******"
and he rubs one out for him
not you
not her
not anyone but himself
He
doesn't
want
you.

Lace covers his tongue
That tastes like oxygenated copper,
The sand caught in his lashes
Looks so harsh against warm brown eyes.
I want to unwrap him, unbind him;
He used to be glorious in his vanity--
Now he is drowning in concern.
Wanting to be everyone's favorite
Has never been an easy game.

but darling,
       love sees no gender.

Where are you? Or where am I? Where’s God? Where’s the world heading? Why am I the way I am? Why are you the way you are? All vain questions remain with no answers and I’m done trying, searching for an answer that would alkalize my bitter acidity or tranquilize my electricity. It all seems so vaguely distorted, it all hurts. The feeling never left me, the only thing that has ever been there for me constantly. Empty, empty, empty, made a home out of the void, made peace with anxiety. So silence please wash me.

In the vacuum of a broken heart
I am blood rushed and torn apart

Crimson tears roll down my cheek,
Wounded, torn, for I am weak

Trapped in a place of hate and deceit,
closed my eyes and covered in sheet

I am no more but my soul will remain
Never forgiven, you are so vain

I am the new Icarus
I am the naive youth
Believing in vain
That heading old advice
Is a waste of time

Without asking for more than the simple sweet simplicitys,
I am bounded by the same laws and rules for life.
No use in explaining the values of eccentricities,
We are all tools for the media, for what they strive.
A product of the temptation for power over others, we will stay
The same forever, entrapped in ice with our sisters and brothers,
The silly dreams we have, our pursuits. A tiny bit of concern to the
Rich-who live to find the right eyeliner, lip gloss-or the best set of
Nine Irons for golfing or business suits. Some day they will
Get what they deserve, some day...some day.
But too bad for me, some day came a little too late...