Two words that are joy and salve to my soul
That have my full attention at their mere mention
Two words that together complete one another:
Deadline
Extension.

When it's the first time,

skating, dating, comforting --


Too bad! You are stiff!

Tension électrique
de regards fuyants
Touchers mécaniques
de doigts hésitants
Ce poème a une odeur froide
du vide entre deux corps
à jamais indécis

I awaken in darkness
still terrified and running
from the mountain lion.

But what if I’m the prey
of my own judging
captive of my comparisons?
At times I feel those verdicts in my gut
like when I can’t concentrate on a task
I SHOULD be doing.

When I notice my tight gut
and my mind wanting to flee
I can stop trying
and lying to myself
set my imagination free
roam a wilderness I choose
like right here on the flat and fertile plains
of this poem’s lines.

✨I fear the unknown

I'm walking down the aisle,
Looking all beautiful and elegant,
Maybe all this to impress the man standing infront of the altar, waiting for me.
But it doesn't feel right,
Something's missing.
Unlike other brides,
I'm not that happy.
Maybe that's what it feels like,
The congregation seem happy for me, for us, but my heart ain't,
Its frowning, I'd have thought its jealousy 'cause someone else gonna share it, but no, it's a strong feeling, tag war between the heart and mind, instincts and the 'love' I think is there.

I'm closer to the altar,
He's ready to take my hand and lead me to the journey fate planned for us,
But ****, my mind is strolling on a different lonely path,
A lane of no return, of looking back, a lane that...
I'm worried now,
With questions in my heart,
Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm too nervous, but where is this trust I claimed to have,
Where is this love?
Is this a mistake?did we rush things on such a short notice?
Am I really lucky like my girlfriends say?

We are already here,
My dad is handing me over to him,
Instead of being elated, I'm feeling scared,
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I really on the right path?
Why am I so insecure?why do I think he's gonna forget all this, and see me as a nobody someday?
Why do I feel he's gonna fall out of love,  and no longer treasure what we have?
Why am I too engrossed to the thoughts that he's gonna hurt me, he's not gonna show me respect even infront of our kids,
****, talking of kids, what if he leaves us, what if he finds a perfect lady and think all that we have, the family, is all a mistake?
What if I confront him someday and he decides that its over for us, what if he raises his hands on me,
Will I take all that?
Am I really ready for this man, for this new phase for me?

The ring is already on my finger,
Now I'm not just the girl they used to know,
I already have his second name,
He owns me now,
There's nothing like looking back, escaping this,
I've owned up to it,
So maybe, just maybe, I should shun these thoughts away,
And be happy, or that's what I think,
Let me laugh, smile, love while it lasts,
Cause the future is uncertain, not even my insticts can define it or predict what will happen,
So I'm looking back at this man, I smile,
My heart praying and hoping, this is the best decision I've ever made!

©tiana💞...

You come to me each night
After all the crowds have left.
Never telling me your name.
And I, having stood for hours,
Begin closing down in the glow
Of blues, vermilion and rose
Reflected in plate glass,
From neon names of luxury.
I move to synthetic music
On an old stereo and let my
Eyes play tricks with the light,
The vivid letters and logos
Snake round and dance
Against the incipient night.
Just as I relax, you arrive,
The last one here every time,
As you were on the first.
You no longer pretend to consider
A preference, nor wander
Around, feigning interest in
Things you might not want.
Last night you brought flowers,
Twelve lilies in a Venetian vase.
Now this night you say I should
Dine with you somewhere,
But dinner is a euphemism.
You stand close, even as I turn away,
Occupying my eyes, though still,
I see your dark hair, straight shoulders
And the lean, solid strength of you.
I try not to think of your lion eyes,
Almond-shaped and topaz, that glow
With desire and will show a certainty
About me, lessening your need to ask.
As another song starts, I turn around
And you wait, amused almost.
“I have something for you,”
You say, conspiring with Venus,
And hand me a gift.
“You shouldn’t have,” is automatic
But I unwrap it while suspicion taps
On my shoulder, like a tiny demon.
Surprised, a cascade of softness falls
Through my hands, like pouring cream.
Holding it up, I see an evening gown
And think how strange a gift it is.
But it is as alluring as you,
The cloth is the blush of a thousand
Sunsets that sigh like silk
Dragged across a lover’s limbs

I ignore the thought that this color,
So full of innocence and petal-shades,
Clashes with your dark, consuming insistence
That I feel your desire and can’t turn you away.
You can blend kindness with tenacity,
So I am apt to let you in.
Agreeing to your proposition,
I suggest a dance with me.
I want to hear all the music in the world:
Pianos, violins, qanuns, sitars and humming bass,
With luscious voices luring the darkness inside,
Causing the lights to dance and our feet to move
Into that zone of heat that is riotous now,
That I felt all day, knowing you would come
To me again and I know now what will ensue.
And yet, as my body moves toward you
Without moving, my mind holds back,
Delighting in the wish, prolonging the unfulfilled
And I see in your pained gaze,
Under lids heavy with lust; you feel it too.
Why is it that we think of lovers
More intensely when they are far away,
And are closer to us on a distant shore,
Then, when their arms close round us,
We wish almost to be apart,
So they could reach for us once more?

Based on a dream
March 4, 2021, 12:50 AM