Another day passes by,
With me not knowing why.

A grin is plastered on my face,
Like a maniac running from something he hates;
yet I still enjoy the feeling of the chase.

The tension made it an ill-looking smile;
then the idea was washed over me.
I feel this way because...

I was useless.

I was useless yet did nothing to solve this problem.
I'll idly do something as I remember all the things that should've been done,

It haunts me

every second,

minute,

and hour.

I was a menace,
A menace to myself and everyone;
Felt like an actor reading a script.

But then again, someone said that life and all is like a play
And the world is a stage.

It makes everything feel surreal,
Like a living dream.

tenuous thin line
connects earth and heaven
kite pulls in the moving air
tugs to run across the sky
fights ignorantly for freedom

one thin line tethers a rebel
to here and now
to past and present
to futures connected

past connects the far reaching kite
unknowing of its need for tension
for the saving pull
grounding
maintaining
the lifting angle
into pulling air

when severed
the kite screams
joyous freedom
until
caught by wind
hurtles
          end       over      end     over      end
tail clotting
only the wind rules
direction sideways down
plummeting to crash
directionless
                                  free
               untethered
broken upon rocks
or strangle-held in trees

Broke into my house, and
Laid by my side, in bed
Caressed my hair and said, in a sweet voice
Wake up sweetheart, I'm here
Don't sweat with fear, I'm near
Let me sing a lullaby, sleep tight
Embrace my body,
I will let you calm down.
And she hummed all night long
Her face buried in my chest
She unlocked all my pain away
Just listening,
Just inhaling her perfumed hair
Just absorbing all her warmth
She robbed me of my troubles
And then we...

if I die,
I know that my eulogy
would be read aloud
by my biological family
with tears in their eyes
and sad, solemn voices.

it’s scary to think
that if I die,
my eulogy would be read
by the same people who
once wished for my death.

I'm awestruck in your presence,
So aware of my words,
Trying to craft the perfect sentence.
It works in theory,
But in practice it fails.

I'm too entranced by your laugh,
Warmed by you words,
Infatuated by your tone,
How could I focus when you jest at my heart so.

It's unfamiliar to me,
The thought that someone could care.
Yet you warm me to it,
As if it's my heart you dare.

I feel open for the first time in a while,
With you I feel the 'myself ' I always used to see.

Just...just the way you giggle...
Makes me bite my lip and hold my tongue,
'Cause I'm still too scared to say it feels like love.

When uh aren't feeling
what you ought to
and stuff that you are taught to
there stands a mess
swirling, twirling, in your head
an  outbreak as stress
that made you bled

When I tried self love
all I got was centeredness
when I tried respect
all I got was harassment
all I got was
all it brought was
the felling that I don't wanna feel
the healing that I never gonna deal

We pretend to show better
we lie to hide bitter
we smile to hide pain
we cry to drain
what that soul needs
what that heart beg for
is not human breed
to untangle

I wanna gift myself
a face with smiles
I want a bookshelf
which gives me my time
but this world
is full of intruder
earth is curled
and so the people are

So the stress is
who jump into intellect
and ****** his
gifts and memoir
and blew it far

When uh aren't feeling
what you ought to  
and stuff uhh ae dealing
isn't the part that you are taught to '
don't let the mess stand
against you
just drop the things planned
by you
and flow with the memoirs
that had been blown far

When uhh aren't feeling
stop dealing with the ought and the taught
else you will be caught....

tension politics
tomorrow we need to vote
we need liberty

Brian Hill - 2020 # 279