I want to chop off
chunks of my
hair with a blunt
steak knife bit by
bit until my scalp
is pink and my knuckles glow
pale and distinct like planks
of bleached driftwood.

I want to spread paint
across my back into a
picture of the beach
and lay on it so that
maybe the scratch of the
sand will itch through my t-shirt
and then I can charge
horseshoe ***** to
build townhouses on my
empty lots.

I want to eat at a
table weighed down
with plates bursting with
steaming pasta and
bowls of stark
white rice stuff
that will make me
sick with happiness and
shining like Buddha,
because food is nothing
more than
refined sunlight.

softly beating
a soul that refuses to fold
smiles that crumple, smiles
that are too bold

a weak pass, an afternoon
nap, a series of near-collapses

translucent pink curtains

eyelids that don't keep out the light;
eyelids that don't keep in the
dark
night

Those lovely thoughts you once had
now gather dust in the backs of your mind
in the crevices and nooks
where you bury the happy moments
so you don't have to remember the sun
while you sit in your cave of pain.
and I miss your lovely thoughts
I miss the way you would look to the sun
and laugh as the light danced across your skin
I miss your eyes and the gleam they took
when you thought of something dumb to do
at 3am when our parents thought we were sleeping
I miss your smile, your sunlight
the flowers that grew as you walked
you are far from me now, so far
in a darkness that the sun cannot reach
but I will find you, my light, my life.
I will lead us home.

The sunlight doesn't pour through open windows here
It drips through slots in the blinds
Creeps underneath the front door
Sunlight this time of year is scarce
It is white and cold, like wine
And so we bottle it up
Thirstily tapping light and saving it in the cellar for the darkest night

When I forgive the monsters among the trees, my petals will grow dusted pink--
These days, I have become a skeleton made of thorns,
An unbloomed rosebush stark against the gentle green.
Sometimes I see sunlight beyond the thick-leaf canopy,
Splintered by branches and trunks more mighty than I may ever grow,
And I recall the sweet and far flowered days, wet with morning dew.
The monsters came in summer heat with clouds for tails and roots hard as stone--
They trod rough on my leaves and stole my roses with grinding teeth,
And left me naked among oaken giants.
Six flooded springs have passed, though every dawn breaks cold,
A suffocating haze, thick as if the sky itself fell to weigh me down,
How slowly fog burns under the rising sun.

I think what Icarus forgot
Was that the sun was never his to touch,
Blinding and beautiful as it was.
Yet he reached anyway--
Doesn’t that remind you of something?

You're sunshine.
Pure, untainted sunshine.
And you don't see it.

You look around,
You laugh,
The best laugh I've ever heard.
I can't help but smile
When I see your head fall back
And your mouth drop open
And your whole body shake
While your laughter fills the air.
You still don't know
You're sunshine.

You give the warmest,
Most reassuring hugs.
You always have a little
Smile on your face.
I like seeing that little smile
Turn into one so wide
It transforms into that laugh.
I do the same just by watching you.
Seeing you happy makes it hard
To understand why you don't know
That you're sunshine.

You walk into the room
And everyone turns to you
Because they feel your warmth
Even if you can't.
They see the light
Even if they don't realize it.
I realize it.
The others that have fallen for you
Realize it as well.
We see the life
Even when you don't.
Because you're sunshine.