It's this feeling I get.
This ball in the pit of my stomach,
Like I'm sick.
That's when I know I have a crush.

It's when I smile at you
And I can't stop.
It's when I'm up at 6 AM with you.
That's when I know I really like you.

It's when it's late,
And we're both tired,
And I'm about to cry,
And you make me laugh instead.
That's when I know I'm falling in love.

It's when you send me your selfies,
When you give me a hug,
When you're teasing me,
When we're joking,
Every time we're together.
That's when I know I love you.

I just wanna say that,
I really tried hard, maybe even harder
To compose myself again
I did so many things to distract me from the pain
I thought that I am already okay
I didn't expect that you really have mastered ways on how to break me
Every move you make,
Every step you take
Every words you say
Just you're mere existence
*breaks me

It's cold.
Everything's distorted,
And I can't breathe.
I'm fighting,
Struggling to move,
Then it's freezing.
My eyes sting,
I gasp for breath,
But everything becomes crisp and clear.
The waterfall is pulling me in
As I drift around the pool of blue.
I'm moving closer and closer
Then I'm suddenly under.
It's all white and everything's moving so fast
I'm being crushed
And I'm so scared
I'm never going to escape
I can't breathe
I don't know what to do
Then it all stops.
I'm floating again.
Drifting along a cool cushion.
I can see,
I can breathe.
Everything's okay.

Sometimes, I look at you and I can't speak.
Once in a while, it's because I'm marveling
At what a work of art you are.
Now and again, it's because
I want to hold your hand.
Occasionally, it's because I want
To feel your arm around me.
And once or twice, it's because
I want to kiss you.
Mostly though, it's because
I start to feel like I'm dying.

There's something that stabs into me,
Twisting my heart
And muddling my mind.
That's usually due to a couple of things.
One: I miss you more than I can explain.
Or two: you forgot about me.
Sometimes it's both.

I know you never really forget about me,
But it feels that way.
We're sitting five feet apart
And you don't look my way once.
I challenge myself not to look at you for a minute,
Then two or three, four or five.
Because every time I glance your way,
You're laughing at something someone else said.
Another person made you smile.
You're so wrapped up in other people
That I slip your mind.

And that's totally normal.
It's to be expected.
I know it's weird,
And it's probably wrong,
But I think about you all the time.
I wonder what you're doing
And how you feel.
I hope that you're doing okay,
And that you're thinking about me.

Sometimes when I get upset
I want to see you so badly.
Want to talk to you,
Hear you say my name.
Hear you say that it'll be okay.
That always helps.
To feel your hand on my shoulder
Or even better,
To find myself wrapped in a hug.
You have the power to make things better.

You matter to me a lot,
And I know you so well.
There's always a joke to be made,
Or a smile to be shared between us.
Those times are the best.
But then, sometimes
I look at you and I can't speak.

I love you.
I love you so much
That sometimes, it's like I can't breathe.
I want to feel your touch,
Even just your hand in mine
Or your arm around my shoulders.
I want to be near you.
I adore the sound of your voice.
I love you.

There are times
That being in love with you is awful.
Someone else makes you laugh
Or smile,
And I wish it had been me.
You're talking to others
And I try not to get jealous,
Usually failing.
I feel guilty for how I feel about you.
Because you don't return the feelings.
I'm like a sibling to you.
That *****.
You mean a lot to me.

I miss you,
Sometimes so badly it hurts.
I want to be with you,
Spend time with you.
I could live by your side.
Hugging you makes me so happy,
And so often I want to kiss you.
More than anything,
I love you.

You're sunshine.
Pure, untainted sunshine.
And you don't see it.

You look around,
You laugh,
The best laugh I've ever heard.
I can't help but smile
When I see your head fall back
And your mouth drop open
And your whole body shake
While your laughter fills the air.
You still don't know
You're sunshine.

You give the warmest,
Most reassuring hugs.
You always have a little
Smile on your face.
I like seeing that little smile
Turn into one so wide
It transforms into that laugh.
I do the same just by watching you.
Seeing you happy makes it hard
To understand why you don't know
That you're sunshine.

You walk into the room
And everyone turns to you
Because they feel your warmth
Even if you can't.
They see the light
Even if they don't realize it.
I realize it.
The others that have fallen for you
Realize it as well.
We see the life
Even when you don't.
Because you're sunshine.