There was a certain comfort in the time I spent Sitting against a wall outside in the cold They don’t tell you what its like to freeze to death But here’s what wishing you would is like
The trees sway with another chilling breeze There’s a little stinging pain in my toes Its been about 20 minutes out here My feet are the only things cold I'm thinking Way too much about how the frost feels My hands become red a little icy itch not quite numbing my fingers
Another 20 minutes go by and I can feel the cold travel I have no intention of leaving I don’t want to Maybe i’ll stay all night
An hour in my feet are cold on the outsides My ankle is freezing I adjust my earbud and look up to the sky My breath can be seen in the air I think about my mother finding my body Bitten blue with winter
2 hours in and my feet are starting to ache Its an interesting feeling Almost like I’ve broken a bone but can’t quite feel it I don’t want to be here anymore Not outside, id love to stay in the icy air all night But here, in front of my so called home Filled with my so-called family I’d like to be staying somewhere else Somewhere where they aren’t Somewhere where the people who care about me Are all far far away And if I die, they know in a few days Not right away If I’m sick they’ll send a gift card And call so many times I’ll have to turn off the phone
So maybe I’ll just sit here And let nature have its way with me Because I'm not ready to go back in And live in a “family”
More about the night i overdosed. I'm falling back into this mindset and its drowning me.
The lakeside cabin was as old as history. The lake itself was ancient. The cabin was in our family for years. None of us knows who built it, all we know is we always have fun there. Playing in the lake all day, staying up late telling ghost stories around a campfire. Many years ago I went back. I couldn't find it. Recently I went with my family and it was back. Maybe it wasn't where I thought it was at first. Maybe it was never there. All I know is we had fun. That's all that mattered, We had fun.
looking up at the sky, wishing to be a part of is what we all dream of— then come those who stitch up their feathers to fly; to prove that you can own that sky with your efforts rather than chillin' if we really desired for the sky, we had been one of those but sadly, we can't make a difference though it's not late
in the winters, the marble floors they feel cold my bare feet they are frozen i cannot move they are stuck.
in these twenties, the only warmth fabric of cardigan I pull these sleeves till seems cover my fingers touch the knitted threads to feel beyond the numbness of my palm.
the cool sensation touching my face the melancholic air disturbing my stare tree without leaves the somber look the bone chilling stare back from a girl sitting on the marble floor by the mirror looking dead.
If only I wasn't such a freak then I could explore the world every day of the week. being constantly stuck in this place I call home, I just sit and watch the other freaks roam. all the normal people have someone to love, and I'm stuck here talking to the angels above. maybe if I looked different I would get treated better, or pretty and famous then my fans would write me letters. but normal is not absolutely in my inside, and I don't wanna act like something I don't define. but it's okay to be different because different is better, whether it's pretty or not like an ugly sweater. being a freak doesn't make you weak, being the same will always make you lame. realize this cause this is who you are, and finding the truth isn't so far.
Sleep seeps from my finger tips With chilling thoughts, my mind amiss No matter how much heat I ingest I digress, and fade into cold extremities Only a few times, have I know The name of tired as well as this
"i wanna be in the company of people i love and just like chill playing smash or just sleeping and napping laughing together watching movies together something that doesn't involve too much movement" - a text from a friend