I don’t understand why
It hurts so bad inside.
Each word
He speaks
Is like a knife in my heart,
A stab in my back that makes me sting.
I don’t know why I ever let him inside.
Why I let him make me cry.
Why I let him into my safe zone
Let him into my sacred space;
I gave him the key to my gold
He scratched at it,
then spit it out at my face.
Not sure what hurts more than this,
Salty tears and puffy eyes
Trembling hands and despise.
To feel so ashamed for letting you see me,
Telling you my secrets like an open book
All i am is another story with no happy ending
I’ll never get naked for anyone again.
I wanted to feel safe and beautiful.
But now all i have is empty walls and endless thoughts.
He laughed and then he cried.
He regrets what he did
And now I have to pay the consequence.
Trying to go about my day, trying to forget the mess you made.
So I smile, I walk and talk like nothing ever happened,
But deep down the memories of watching you love someone else
Replays and replays through my head.
It’s sickening, can’t stop looping.
The sound is screeching, pounding.
it used to birds chirping,
Wanting to scream, nowhere to run.
But i keep quiet.
I’ve chosen to forgive, because I see you.
But forgetting is something, that I’m not capable to do.
So please forgive me, If I keep bringing up the past.
I promise you, The wound won’t always be this raw.
The scarcity of it won’t last.
Bare with me, baby. I ask.
People make mistakes and maybe all that was fate.
I tell myself everything happens for a reason; maybe the feeling will go away.
What a gruesome mess of salty tears forever strolling down my face.
I can never forget the pain.
Give and give
They will take and take..
Until you have nothing left.
They will leave you with a jar, only full of your own tears and call it fate.
Making you feel like you’re the one who did this, you could’ve been better,
Prettier, brighter.
maybe smile a little bigger,
maybe be a little thinner.
I start to vanish
They will leave you stranded
In the realm of emptiness,
Expressionless.
When i speak up, He tells me it’s my pride.
So i swallow my words.
I die.
I die.
I die.
He lies.
He lies.
He lies.
I cry, I cry, and I cry.
So pathetic and so disgusted.
The humiliation, to see i was so easily decepted.
I wanted to believe that he did love me.
He was too blind to see.
All that unfolding in front of me.
I picked at my skin,
Screamed, cried and plead for him to come back to me.
I begged for his love and that’s what disgusts me.
I should have kicked you and her out, but i was too deep in my own sorrows without a doubt.
Wishing and hoping you’d come back home, into our sacred space
I wanted to hold your face against my soul and i hated myself for being so vulnerable.
Why would I want someone who used me like a puppet on a string.
Lets not forget if I stand up for myself, I’m a *****.
Forever astounded at the egoism.
Mislead and now pleading
Wondering where you went wrong
Wondering what you did to deserve this mess.
Feeling abused and despaired.
Was I a fool to think you would be there?
I could never stoop down to how you mistreated and disrespected my heart.
Nothing about that is art.
I’ve forgiven but the heart cannot forget what has wounded so deeply.
You did nothing wrong sweet sweet girl, all you did was give your love to the world.
You can’t control how others abuse your heart. Don’t let their foolishness take away your heart.
Don’t dare let those dark shadows capture your pure form.
Be true to yourself,
especially if you are falling apart
Cause the world desperately needs more devotion and less promotion.
But remember
The ones who give away their hearts to a wicked spirit
Usually end up, with sunken souls in the dark.
Be careful of whom you give your love.
-kc
For anyone who gives the time to read my poem completely, thank you. I wrote this about two years ago. As you can see, I was completely infatuated with someone who treated me like dirt.. I finally got past this point, and I realized, I didn't love him.. I loved the idea of him love me. And once I realized this sad truth, he owned my heart no more. Thankyou for reading again. Just a bit of my heart and tears poured out onto paper.
