May Contain Triggers
I cut all my hair, everyday
the black slowly drifting to the floor
I poured pink into my life, onto my head
to stain into colors, my vision going purple, black, then red
My once clean room piles up in the corner of my eyes
And I flinched away from the piles and piles of lies
to be ignored and locked away
just for another day
I cried all my tears, so now I sit and stare
And I for once can't somehow care
like I used to, and how I loved
many things, and grew flowers with my hands cupped
I wonder if time will forever stay still
so calm when war goes on, the murders. the kills.
I draw on skin, feeling far away
sitting there with rain dripping down my face
water to wash the blood, down, down, down
If I could hurt for my sins, maybe I'd get what I deserved
little by little,
and they all refuse to know or see it all
and I sit here with my heart starting to hurt
I stand at the edge everyday, below me I watch
the waters turn and churn into a whirlpool I can't stop
The bridge that I stand at is so far up, and I cannot see into the darkness
And reality soon begins to lose it's hardness
not sharp enough, not deep enough, not enough to lose it all
and they all believed they saw
but why did they believe I was worth it?
Even when the candles fell to create fire, but from me they were lit.
I look in the mirror, and see the pieces fall
and it cracks and beyond I hear a small voice call
If i'd made it in time, I would have made it there
But now my world crashes, and the voice disappears
so quiet, so sane, so protective, so safe
But it all still drops away
I listen to music, with the world drowned out
To watch it go by, quietly. Earth's calling in dispair
but nobody will listen
nobody will care.
Sometimes I sing, maybe because I know it will be my last
or maybe my past love I had then is now lost
Because this world goes so so fast,
and I don't know at what cost.
Every night, I sleep on the side of the bed
piles and piles below me,
and pressure and pressure from above
up I stare, and see stars I do not,
I look up at the ceiling with my windows still locked
I wish to be held, but to be never touched
to be called out to, but to me, no one shall talk
it's what I want, but I miss the old traditions
of losing myself in all the equations
I have no time, yet i have the world
though I wish I didn't
everyday I wake up, I'm afraid of the sights,
that I continue to see.
These memories I must keep,
this act I must play,
keep my mouth taped, or sewn shut
Maybe one day the thread will wear off.
But for now the waters fight itself below me,
and I wonder how it'd feel to jump
to take in a breath
and to let it hold me like I let no one else
or do I still sit here as dawn starts to ring its bells?
We will see
we will see
2024-2025