May Contain Triggers

I cut all my hair, everyday
the black slowly drifting to the floor
I poured pink into my life, onto my head
to stain into colors, my vision going purple, black, then red
My once clean room piles up in the corner of my eyes
And I flinched away from the piles and piles of lies
to be ignored and locked away
just for another day
I cried all my tears, so now I sit and stare
And I for once can't somehow care
like I used to, and how I loved
many things, and grew flowers with my hands cupped
I wonder if time will forever stay still
so calm when war goes on, the murders. the kills.
I draw on skin, feeling far away
sitting there with rain dripping down my face
water to wash the blood, down, down, down
If I could hurt for my sins, maybe I'd get what I deserved
little by little,
and they all refuse to know or see it all
and I sit here with my heart starting to hurt
I stand at the edge everyday, below me I watch
the waters turn and churn into a whirlpool I can't stop
The bridge that I stand at is so far up, and I cannot see into the darkness
And reality soon begins to lose it's hardness
not sharp enough, not deep enough, not enough to lose it all
and they all believed they saw
but why did they believe I was worth it?
Even when the candles fell to create fire, but from me they were lit.
I look in the mirror, and see the pieces fall
and it cracks and beyond I hear a small voice call
If i'd made it in time, I would have made it there
But now my world crashes, and the voice disappears
so quiet, so sane, so protective, so safe
But it all still drops away
I listen to music, with the world drowned out
To watch it go by, quietly. Earth's calling in dispair
but nobody will listen
nobody will care.
Sometimes I sing, maybe because I know it will be my last
or maybe my past love I had then is now lost
Because this world goes so so fast,
and I don't know at what cost.
Every night, I sleep on the side of the bed
piles and piles below me,
and pressure and pressure from above
up I stare, and see stars I do not,
I look up at the ceiling with my windows still locked
I wish to be held, but to be never touched
to be called out to, but to me, no one shall talk
it's what I want, but I miss the old traditions
of losing myself in all the equations
I have no time, yet i have the world
though I wish I didn't
everyday I wake up, I'm afraid of the sights,
that I continue to see.
These memories I must keep,
this act I must play,
keep my mouth taped, or sewn shut
Maybe one day the thread will wear off.
But for now the waters fight itself below me,
and I wonder how it'd feel to jump
to take in a breath
and to let it hold me like  I let no one else
or do I still sit here as dawn starts to ring its bells?
We will see
we will see

You said you would forget me—
like restless waves upon the sea,
crashing in the eyes.
You said—
in the city of love, now turned to ashes,
you fear to walk again,
lest one spark
burn your heart once more.

You fear—
oh, how deeply you fear—
not man,
but the shadow of man.
A small man, a small life—
is it light behind the shadow,
or shadow behind the light?

Simple words falter upon the lips—
what I wish to say,
what I end up saying.

You said: Do not return.
In the heavy black monsoon of sorrow,
you walked away.
But will your rain-soaked grief
ever fall again, Beloved?

Today I am like a star, veiled in clouds—
dimmed, lost to myself.
A wandering soul,
burning with the desire
to exist
within your existence.

And yet—
I will sit and wait
on the riverbank of life.
If you wish,
you may return once more,
sailing across in the boat of longing.

Eat, drink - and savour body
It burns - and freshly blushing
Of ankles, knees - the jutting crags
Eat, drink - get lost - in moaning
Of own thoughts - heads' fog
Is rooted deep in groin
Eat, drink - yell over famine
With belt and taunt
Draw tight the ego's thirst
For thinking - shame yourself
For narrative of truth - give up
And joyfully accept
The informational injection
Comparison, identifying, drama
"I believe!" - a dream forgotten
Neglected honour - recognizing game
Unheard is role - a viewer
Yet - to the wall of lies - another burst
"Why do you peel own skin away?!"
Waste life attire
Save in affliction - reason
When silence in the head
Shrieks - "Jump! Take step! Put hanging!"
Just watch - and call for an encore
Applaud - from stage - from audience
Out of theatre - "Louder! Louder!"
With tears - splutter

Leave me alone. I want it really much.
No explanations or hard feelings
I won’t answer anything. I’ll just keep quiet.
And please, forgive my broken bearing.

I am so tired of other problems,
And silly fuss and needless dramas.
I just want silence! You hear me? Silence!
And not in whisper, but stone-dead! Yes!

I don’t want dramas with you any more.
I’m sick of arguments at nights at all.
And that’s enough of all these ******, base-league fool quips.
No words are needed. Please, be quiet in whole.

Please, just forget me for a day.
And if forever, I will never sorrow.
I am not here. I’m emptiness for all.
I’m tired and done. I won’t be back tomorrow.

To offer me friendship
Is to insult my love
The love I have for you
Could not pretend a smile
I cannot look at you
And not tell you I loved you
To offer me friendship
After all the bonds we shared
The tears we have shed
The passion we had
The hopes for each other
Is to insult and slander
Those hardships and memories
It belittles our own feelings
It escapes accountability
By pretending we are fine
I would rather
Look at you with angst
With sorrow and yearning
Than to uphold a lie
That you preferred to live by
We cannot be friends
Just as we
Cannot be together