there's something missing
i still confuse
what is missing from me
Myself?
or
Someone else?
or
i miss someone
that make me miss my ownself
i miss the apple
i miss the hairtie
i miss the glasses
i miss all of that
because that're the things
i can make me be myself
i can smile because i want to
i can laugh because i want to
not because i need to
I'm not the same anymore
it feels like i have
many faces
many mask


-S.I

and suddenly time stops
after weeks and weeks of moving too fast
the stillness makes my head spin
or maybe you make my head spin
because there you are
a friend of a friend
standing in the living room
had it been my living room
i'd have asked you to leave
our history was crashing around
inside of my skull
a ricocheting bullet i didn't know how to stop
as it were
all i could do was stand there
statue still in the doorway
frozen in time
your silhouette blurred against
the afternoon sunlight streaming in
through the window
and i stared for moment after long moment
wanting
wishing
needing you to be someone else
and just like in all my bad dreams
when i scrounged up the courage to greet you
your face fell into an expressionless mask
our eyes barely met
your irises the same shade
as the coffee that holds my eyes open every morning
and nothing fell from your mouth
i tried hard not to feel anything
i know you were as terrified as me

I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
feet
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
despair.
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
isolated-
I was ****** with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.

Whenever you feel sad, remember to look up and see the moon. Somewhere and someone is looking at it too. You are not alone

the way life works seriously continues to amaze and surprise me.

you, at some point, meet someone and become negligent to tell them the big stuff about you and your life at first and about the way you carry your messy self.

only to realize you've made a bigger mess.

then, as time goes on, you find yourself telling them things you've never even said aloud before.

you find yourself telling them about the things that trouble you and about the things that make you sad, about the things that make you angry.

you tell them about the things that go on inside your home and inside your head.

then eventually, you find yourself over sharing and being overly comfortable.

why you’ve never met someone who made pouring your words out so easy.

who ever made you feel so safe, comfortable, and at home.

the only problem is that once this realization hits, you try your best to push them away like you did in the beginning, but it no longer
works.

it no longer works because they know your ways and you spill without even trying; your conscious no longer puts that wall up for them.

and well, if you’re lucky, and i mean really lucky, they might just stick around after really getting to know you.

gosh I’m just so heart broken sometimes you know seeing your post knowing he’s better then me just cause the fact he’s close enough to brush his thumb across your cheek but you gotta understand that i love you way more then he could possibly know how to love and that we have a connection. Like i love you like how Dwayne loves Whitley, how Jim love Pam, how cosmo loves Wanda, how uncle jesse loves Rebecca and how Eric loves Donna. Idk honestly i love you more then the word itself and i can’t see myself smiling as much as i do with anyone else but you and i can’t deal with the fact that you are my soul mate and i might not be yours so I’m in turmoil so i can’t help to cry even it makes me look weak it’s November 18th 11:57 PM and i love you and you love me too (or at least that’s why i tell myself) but you’re with him. it’s like i created a universe the sun is losing its shine and flowers are losing meaning and beauty you are the goddess that bless my worlds with happiness but now you’re blessing him with smiles and i know you want me in your life and i want to be in yours but it’s like stabbing a knife in my back and in my chest and i can’t help but to still love you cause it’s you

A voice  gently  called  out
      whispering loudly
from the rafters of silence,
the way canyon walls softly echo
in a warm southern breeze

It seemed as if it were a dream
but eyes wondered wide open

Reaching out for the lingering
empty air that breathes my name

Touching a wafting emptiness
rippling through the hollow void,
  to buoyantly catch sight of
an oasis in another distant realm

Swept away by a seething waterfall,
      the  heart  won’t  let  go ―

 Seized  by  the  calling  voice
 that spates the broken intone

           never  fathoming
                distantness
           was  so  ­far  away

   An  abiding  voice  hovers ―
  a paling  memory beholds a glow
     of someone I used to know
                  by heart



                                                                ­                             .