i've come to the point where i'm always saying *******.
******* and the way you talk,
**** the way you walk and the way you run.
**** the way you smile when someone walks by you,
even if you have no idea who they are.
**** the way you slouch in your seat,
and **** the way you stand up proudly when rooting for your team.
**** the way you move and the way you care.
**** the way you dance,
and the way you slide across the floor when you really get into the music.
**** everything you do,
because now i've come to this point.
but you want to know the most ****** up thing of all?

**** the way you smile,
**** the way you smell,
the way you hold me when i'm sad,
**** the way you smile when you see me coming,
**** the way you put away your games and your phone,
when you want to spend time with me,
**** the way you tuck your head into my neck when we dance,
**** the way you sigh when you're tired,
and **** the way you flip your hair from your face.

**** the way you loved me,
and **** the way I love you.
but seriously, honestly, crazy and stupidly,
**** the way you never seemed like you really cared much,
at all.

I want to forget
That you even existed,
But know what I learned.

It isn't the long nights that I dread
It's the short ones where I lie in bed
Trying to get thoughts out of my head
Wishing I had more time to rest

Long nights of staying awake to talk
Nights of finding new ways to stalk
Going out in the moonlight to walk
Laughing and crying, those nights are best

Saying someday we'll do these things
Talk of names and talk of rings
Overwhelmed tears just one look brings
When all the emotion wells up in my chest

What matters is not what we do
Or where we go, whatever the view
The best part is just being with you
Delightfully oblivious to all of the rest

However the day comes to an end
Whatever time we've spent with friends
Even if messages won't send
Knowing you're there loving me is best.

It has been ages since eyes have fallen upon this place
Walls, once hard and cold, enveloping like a warm blanket
Soaked in intoxicating aromas
Enticed by the softness, the stillness
The slightest shift is alluring
No voice to be heard over the racing pulse of time
A deep breath and a sigh speak volumes
In silence and darkness it is left forlorn, desolate, and longing once again

There's too much in me
To let it all out on you
And besides, you say,
You're not that important now
It shouldn't matter to you.

I feel like I can't talk to you anymore.
It's the first time I've spoken to you in a week and that hurts.
It hurts that you haven't sent me a text since Sunday.
Have I not even crossed your mind?
Because you were on mine every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
I feel so awkward.
I want to tell you I miss you and I love you and it hurts that you haven't thought of me.
But I can't.
I can't tell you how I feel.
I can't tell you anything anymore.
Because it feels like you don't want to hear it.

I can't stop crying.
I don't know how I have any tears left.

I miss when I was young
when I used to feel
all sorts of emotions
happy, excited, overjoyed

Now it's all
anger and sadness
that's all there is
that's all there ever is

The anger and sadness
was always there
but I was too naive
to ever notice


s.b