To any who'd reads,sees,watch,listen&run tell THIS: I'M at A Place IN MY LIFE WHERE I AIN'T CHANGING FOR U & NO one else. Ppl You don't change for anybody else and if you can't or WONT rock with how I am then don't ******* rock with me for anything else! Deal with me how I am not for what you "think& thought" you could change me into. I got kids grown *** and not so grown *** kids and grandkids babies, I got bills u don't pay & don't care nothing about.I got mental issues on top of some other ******* issues and some more ****; SO IF MY *** TRYING TO SHOW U IM A GO AND GROW WITH U & FIGHTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU & I'M IN THE TRENCHES WITH YOU, WHILE HELPING yo *** CULTIVATE THIS ****- WE CALL FRIENDSHIP ROMANTIC OR PLATONIC ETC- then yo *** better not ever a day in yo life use me or try to run game on me! I'm going to love you regardless if YOURE RIGHT OR WRONG. IM A TELL U WHEN YA WRONG & yo u better tell me { NOT IN PUBLIC} EVEN THEN I GOT U BOO, BUT IF U KEEP UP THAT ******* AND IT AFFECTS ME OR MY KIDS AND all of OUR WAY OF LIVING OR hinders me from"MAKING A LIVING"; I will definitely DISASSOCIATE MYSELF FROM YO LIFE 100 %. EVERYONE knows me knows; I DON'T DO DRUGS & don't go round no one WHO does, not judging & I don't think I'm better THAN anyone too flawed to even ever compete... MY ONLY SO CALLED HABIT IS CIGARETTES, OF WHICH I GOT THE PATCHES FOR & SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DRINK MY WINE & WATCH NETFLIX- CHILL WITH whomever, BUT MAINLY BY MY GOT **** SELF. WHICH TOO, MOST KNOW I DON'T EVER REALLY MIND BEING OR DOING STUFF ON MY OWN! SOME PPL AIN'T GOT TO HAVE ME CUZ IM GONNA ALWAYS HAVE ME MYSELF AND I! I WAS BORN ALONE, IM GOING TO DIE ALONE &IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE HOLD MY HAND AS I GO WHEN I GO. BUT BABY if you think or thought  I'd change for you this is your ******* wake up call! Listen; I've been in and out of foster care& group homes and in them; I was SEVERELY ABUSED, put down assulted and defamed etc. This ain't no sob story; been married a whole heep of times and went through similar **** like foster care etc with them so called men & was talked about like a dog & sometimes worse from so called family wether foster or blood etc. Ppl turned on me ,  believed lies & gave up our long standing FRIENDSHIP. I have been homeless and well off ; never rich{money wise} and have known struggles. I am sure many have similar stories; but this here is mines, I've danced on a pole and I'm not ashamed, I've worked in what I considered so called "Cooperate American", nursing& legal FIELD'S too
(white collard,blue,pink throw ups & more) lol and been to college many times. Im told by a a few psychiatrist that I'm a borderline genius but even Einstein couldn't tie his shoe without help! I have PTSD plus much more.SEEN DEATH &LOOKED IT RIGHT IN ITS FACE . WATCHED THOSE I LOVE&LOVED GO HOME TO GLORY - SOME OF EM WERE FROM MY WOMB.BEEN jumped stabbed shot at etc; I don't ******* scare easy baby and yo race don't mean **** to me unless it's you of whatever race color & Creed that's trying to do an injustice towards ME!So take me as I am or ******* delete me block me and or cut me off & outta yo life;CUZ I AINT CHANGING FOR YOU & NO one else!

Your vanity compliments mine
Your vanity complements mine
Vanity
Oh, Vanity
I am love with your design

I understand my selfishness now.
I’ve been greedy and careless with my wants and desires.
My world isn’t just about me,
So,
Here is my apology.

No one was allowed to get close.
No, I didn’t want you in. I needed control of every feeling and if you threatened that you were done away with.

Even now I am content with loneliness but it’s unfair for me to expect you to feel the same.
I had an epiphany or maybe you could call it divine intervention.
God loves me. I mean, He loves everybody, but when I think about the thoughts that I have and things I haven’t said,
He still loves me.
I’m sorry. .
I don’t know how to express the things going on in my head.
And what I’m writing probably doesn’t make sense,
I just thought it unfair that I wouldn’t do the same.
Allow them close.
You know,
the people who care.
Still, I am a work in progress.
At least I’m aware..?
I won’t promise to let you in or even invite you closer,
And I’m not saying it will never happen either..
Just not now.
I’m still learning love, to love.

we were so close. we were inseparable. it was always you and me. me and you. if you asked me to do anything i would do it at the snap of a finger and had thought that you would do the same but i later found out that that wasn’t the reality of it all. when you asked me to take a sip of something that i knew i shouldn’t have and you asked me to hang out with people that i knew were bad for me i should’ve said no but i didn’t because i would do anything for you and you knew that but you took advantage of that and manipulated me to two words with no meaning. best friend. best friend is the label that you put on it. when i didn’t want to do something that i knew was bad you wrapped me up in the words best friend and made me blind to the obvious truth of it all it was all just for you and not because you actually might’ve seen value in our friendship. was it? it was all for you when the new boy at our school called you hot and you left everyone for him. you stopped calling. texting. asking. instead. you left me and all of our memories behind and you acted as if we had never shared secrets as if we had never stayed up until two in the morning talking about stupid boys or complaining about our parents rules you act as if it is nothing. that our friendship was nothing. that i am nothing. and when that new boy finally asks you out and touches you how you want you officially leave me. then. you realize that you need a friend but you can’t come back to me because of what you did to me. to us. to our friendship. so. you find the people that are weak and easy to prey on so that you can get what you want and leave just how you did to me. you apologize to me over and over again and i keep accepting you back into my life hoping that maybe you changed. but i was wrong again. because you wrote me that three page letter and said that i ruined you and your only sources of happiness are this boy you swear you’re in love with and this sad replacement of me as a friend. every single word that you wrote hurts. it feels like a slap in the face after everything that i had done for you. i lied for you. i did everything for you. and this is what i get. a ****** three page letter telling me that i’m not good enough for you but after sometime i realized. the reason that you did that was because you are selfish. and you always have been. selfish

Perhaps my expectations for you
are impossible.
Perhaps you are blind to the desire
in my eye.
Maybe you are deaf to the disappointment
in my sigh.
Maybe your budget isn't
so suasible.

If you would read my body,
Look into my mind,
We would be great
And all would be fine.
Though it probably should be,
It just isn't enough
To say that you're mine,
I need material stuff.

Roses of red,
No,
I prefer blue.

And the finest of chocolate,
A large teddy bear, too.

Shower me with the money you've spent,
It's not a big deal,
Only a present.

I promise not to be greedy,
Or selfish,
Or stale.

I won't raise my expectations even further on the scale.

But you must keep me happy,
Satisfied in every way.
You can't do that for me?

Well what else can I say...

I promise I loved you,
In good times and bad.
And I will always reminisce
The times that we've had.

Oh, I will miss you.
I promise, I will.
But your wallet has emptied.
And my love has gone still.