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Khaniek Oct 2020
We can not win Lord.
“You” ask me to trust and hold on.
“You” ask me to forgive and love without question.
“You” ask me to give of myself more than I believe is there.
“You” ask these things of me, expecting me to bend willingly..
And I want to..
God, I don’t know how.
Khaniek Oct 2020
In the beginning it’s beautiful, I hate that.
I’d forgotten before the reason for love.
Why we search in earnest for pain.
Pain you can’t ignore even if you try.
Pain that drives you to seek peace, even in the depths of depravity.
How we ache for relief, yearn for freedom..
To be free from what life thought love would never be.
Don’t ask for an explanation.
Take from this what you will.

How easily they forget..
so easy to forget..
Selfish being, you are the worst of them.
“Let your guard down, you’ll be safe with me. “
Lies. Fool.

I’ve given up on what’s left of love in my heart.
No longer eager to find what the world thinks I need to feel complete.
I’m tired and empty.
Nothing left to offer,
And even if I did,
my fear of being robbed of the last bit of me is too constricting.
What hurts more than realizing you meant nothing to someone who you thought was everything?
Ah, I’m done.
Khaniek May 2020
I don’t think about you.
Instead, I think of ways to be happy.
You are not a part of that.

In my mind, love comes to me.
Loud and clear without hesitation,
Love finds me.

For this to be true,
I know it isn’t you.

The sun was my reason.
The stars, moon, galaxies, never ending space,
Guiding light, journey without end.
More than fairytales..

Love that is real.
Love that means more..
Khaniek May 2020
I want to introduce to my love language.
Show you places you’ve never dreamed of.
I want to experience myself with you,
Turn pages, start new chapters.
Let me show you my imagination.
Get into this creativity babe..
Wouldn’t you like to see my artistic side ?😏
Trust me, this is more than a joyride.

I’m sure we’ll reach pinnacles, overcome obstacles, engage in satisfying battles, lets leave a mess 🤫
It’s a first for me too, believe that.
Only you, no one else.
Khaniek Apr 2020
You ..
..were different. I still think so.
I could have, so many times, fallen into you.
maybe it was the thought of you.
What you could be. What you will become.
I’m jealous.
She’ll have all of what I’ve wanted.
What I think I need now.
But it’s not you and it’s not us.
  Feb 2020 Khaniek

Why is it when I need you

You disappear

Ignored all of my messages

Ignore my cries for help

My cries for you

I get you've got problems too

But I am ALWAYS there for you

I drop everything for you

To help you

But when I' broken and hurting

You're gone

You say you're always there

Just call if you need me

And you always answer

But you're distant and harsh

What do i do if i don't have it in me to call

What if i cant talk through the tears

What if i just need you to answer your **** texts and see what's going on

I need you *******

I need your care

Your love

I need to know we still have a chance

That you're not just finding ways to pass time before you leave

I need to know you still want me

Cause lately it doesn't seem like you do

And it hurts like a *****

I can physically feel my heart breaking bit by bit

And you're still so distant

Saying you're ready

You just don't trust me

But I've given you every reason to trust me

Proved myself every day

And you just brush it away

So instead of talking to you like i want to

I write words for strangers in hopes it'll make me feel somewhat better

Khaniek Feb 2020
I wanted you for myself.
All the time. With me always.
God knows best.
This river flowing within runs deep.
These feelings are lasting and can never be wasted.
God knows best.
The hurt that would follow I’m sure would be unrepairable.
I’m tired.
A little angry too.
I wanted you for myself.
All the time.
With me always..
But, God knows best.
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