It’s funny how quickly
You can swallow pills
I wondering how daring I could be
How many before I sleep
I can feel them in my limbs
The looseness off my arms
Weight of my eyelids...
But it’s not enough
I’m not numb enough yet
I’m still awake
Put me to sleep
I don’t wanna be awake
I DON’T WANT TO BE AWAKE

They kept me from my knife
Little white pills won over metal
Cause I can’t remember what was wrong
Idk why I was upset
But idk
Maybe I’ll just cut myself anyway
Just to ******* feel it
Maybe I just want to
Maybe I just want to bleed
Maybe I’ll just take one more....
Then watch me bleed

I don’t need this medication
It’s not helpful
But man... I keep wanting to take it...
Every night it’s like a treat...
Swallow the clonidine
Then very very soon...
Sleepiness sets in
Getting drowsy....
Mind... drifting....
Until sleep.... sleep saves me
My rescue from the pain
It’s a good medication
I don’t need it
But I really really like it....

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze
Yet when they gaze
I sit in full amaze
Emotionless you stare
As if without a care

Like glowing torches
Your eyes burn through me
Is it me you're looking at
Or the me I used to be

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze.

Do you love me the way I am
Do you love me for me
Or do you only love me when I'm tamed
Like a beast in hibernation

Are we only ever going to live like this
The light in my eyes no longer shinning
Feelings becoming blunt
Diluted by all those medications

Do you not miss the times
When our love was a wildfire
We burned everything in our way
Our flames never faltered

Going to the beach unprepared
We still stripped off our clothes
Throwing ourselves out into the sea
Free as a eagle soaring through the skies

Holding hands and shivering
In wet clothes and soaking undergarments
We burnt stronger than the cold
As we board the train home together

That was the beauty in love
The true beauty of life
That pack of restraint
The freedom of insanity

I'm not trying to disappoint you
Just choosing to be freed
Like a bird can't fly with twigs in it's wings
I will burn as bright as yesterday

Feeling isolated,
sometimes
i don't feel as though I'm the type to make it
angsty anxious
soul sedated
so I type to make it

self described as the greatest
self described overrated
self prescribed medication
self denies that exploitation

this could be the "realest **** i ever wrote"
yet its honestly nothing more than mental notes
reminders that I'm not dead yet
remind me when I'm dead, yet
come find me when my head's set
solidly on my shoulders

don't know why I'm so sick of being HERE...
my mental state's constantly all over

I'm often sought for "good advice"
often thought of "being right"
"living life"
well
while you whisper "listen" without thinking twice
I whimper at the thought of life
misheard, disregard me in the spotlight
cuz... dawg... my soapbox full of termites..

don't wanna preach to the choir
don't wanna talk to the congregation
and I'm sure with all these blunts I'm facin
I'm bound to be famous
isn't that how it works...?
or am i..
bound to be facin
blunt truths
and
those famous cliches
we love to hate

why I'm sending love every which way?
when that love always comes back as a switchblade?
that cuts so deeply
given a forewarning, yet left in dismay, as to say
"now this may hurt..."
"but learned lessons..-"
-THEY DON'T LESSEN ****
my scars have stories but trust me, being scarred is a different story
I'm still sore where that passion burnt

lately I've been wondering if writing is rather vain work
combined with this lack of passion its got me questioning my body and whether veins work
or not
regardless when you blowing wind; you should know my weather vane works
a lot
but most of the time
i try to find
justifications
to my observations-
"-yoooooo everyone deserves a second chance b"
but I'm simply asking
how long do your seconds last?, see
the last time I was "stuck in the moment"
I grasped on tight and tried to slow it,
but there's no escaping the fact
that things come and go
seasons change
from summer sun to falling leaves and rain, then snow
...
listen... falling leaves a back broken..
but while lying there staring
blank into the dimly lit ceiling
snapped in half,
i realized that
the hardest part about the ego and letting go
is having to say, "sorry i was just stuck in the past.."

what kinda **** is that.....

Washed out skies
I'm high, I'm high
Oh I feel so divine
shinin like copper golden fine
on cloud nine, lets get high
come run away with me
along the euphoric mirror
euphoric mirror
jump in get a taste of sweet
escapism

They say sadness,
Is a silent killer,
Momentarily seen,
As a soul destroyer.

It drains you,
It comsumes you,
It also drives you,
Into the arms,
Of bad habits.

Touch, so cold,
But effective too,
Sadness always remains,
And one day,
It will ruin you.

Energy gets lost,
Tissue gets wasted,
Your eyes will shut,
Your body left sedated,
Stuck in a trance,
Which gets stronger with time,
It's only a matter of,
Walking the line,
To the other side.