I'm a lonely voice broadcasting radio waves into a deaf space

I'm unwillingly hidding in the shadow of all their grace

My emotions are an lonely civilisation in a empty space

My voice is useless when I'm outside their walls screaming at their gates

All that plays again and again is the shapes of my mistakes

While I'm sitting here wasted and displaced, sad I haven't got what it takes

I scamp around trying to find myself,
All others say – you’re ******* lazy man,
I try to do something others don’t,
People say – oh, look at this child’s moan,
I want to be nothing like everyone else around,
They scream – so, you think you’re better than the rest of us and you want to fly off this ground?

I say – I want to, I try to, I dream no matter what
But in the end I realize, I’m just like everyone else in this stupid world
I’m rotten, sinful and full of ****,
And only with time I realize that I’ve been swallowed by others… and puked back into this dirt

I know you think I’m mad at you
Because I stayed silent when I dropped you off at your house
But if I’m honest
I knew I’d either cry or scream
If I opened up my mouth.

Mad? I wish I could be.

I scream when I get what I don't want...
                                              
        ­                                but then I cry because I know need it...


Just because I want something... doesn't mean I need it

and just because I there's something I don't want to happen or gain... doesn't mean I don't need it...


                                       *Such a Conflict

Hating you both would be easier than acting like I just don’t care.
I don’t think breaking down would change your mind, even if I cried until tears drowned us, and you would still look at me in disgust.
It’s all I want to do though.

Hearing her name reminds me how little I am compared to her, how much more she glows.
I don’t have humour like she always has.
I’m not as tall or as appealing.
I am just an embodiment of discontent, never happy with less than a victory.
I will be in your way, until I can’t see the beauty in your eyes.

I should hate you for more reasons, for being my ruin and yet never having to look god in the eye for what you did.
I cannot. I never could.

I don’t even want to kiss you.
I just want your body holding mine.
I just want your body holding mine.
I don’t even want to kiss you.
I just want your body holding mine.

If I was allowed to scream, I would.

But I made no promises.

Incorrigible!
Screamed the stray
Twist in the tail

forget with you
about this world
we will go together with you
into the abyss

forget with you
about this light
we will go together with you
in the shade

o let's meet together
new testament
o let's walk together
and scream

01.10.18