I broke up with you
Because I'm dishonest; a cough syrup symptom of walls I built so high.

I broke up with you
Because when I look at you I hate you; that glare of pain in your eye. The pain I've caused it hangs like smog over once beautiful hazel-greens.  

I broke up with you
Because you remind me of my parents' relationship... If you could even call it that. Doomed from the beginning, loomed and grinning over my sister and I.  

I broke up with you
Because I'm an *******.
Because I'm afraid.
Because I'm selfish.
Because I don't deserve love.

I count the scars on my stomach
twelve
reasons why you left me
I made myself such a beautiful home out of you
do you remember when my home burnt down?
if I think hard enough I can still feel the way I did that day
the scars feel like open flesh I can feel the heat against my skin and nothing matters anymore
I turned to alcohol and razors because I don't know if I'm trying to numb the pain or end myself all together
people say "don't **** yourself over a boy because he will bring another girl to your funeral"
it's funny because that other girl was there the whole time
my life is like a walking funeral I keep seeing strangers crying everywhere
but maybe I'm the one who's actually crying
I look into the mirror and I don't even recognize myself
maybe I'm the stranger who keeps crying maybe that's why I hear hushed voices everywhere I turn
no one wants to talk to the sad girl, not even you
I keep seeing black everywhere i try to open my eyes and it's like I'm opening them into an endless black hole
there's black everywhere there's black around you too
maybe the black swallowed you and that's why you left me
or maybe there's more than twelve reason why you left me or was I simply just counting scars?

It took a long time for me to sell my heart to an angel
because I adored playing these games with my demons

she always laughed like everything in her life was broken
and I know it looked that way because everything was, broken

I never told her that I loved her, that she made my sky turn blue
well I did but only with words, without feeling any sort of emotions
it was a never a mistake I made, loving this girl, pouring my heart out

she always made me wonder how life would be without her
if I, human being, could live without her, another human being

loving you was like loving seasons, somtimes more than another
and it never was my intention to leave you all alone back there..
and it never will be my intention to hurt your feelings ever again

but you were you and I always was and always will be me
lovers, friends, strangers, neighbours, legends... I dont know

a love that never was made to rule in this bitter sweet lonely world
because I loved drinking away my feelings more than being just friends.

1.) You have the most loving heart. Your warmth, your gentle touch that you personify without words. Melts the supports of my heart

2.) Eyes of deep blue, that ensnare me and leave me thoughtless. How they change into everglade greens, and mystical greys. They're beautiful

3.) Few laughs may be as pure as your quiet giggle. The mere sound gives me goosebumps and a funny feeling in my stomach. You're so freakin' adorable

4.)The curves of a semi-circle aren't nearly as perfect as yours. You've worked alot for the perfect body. I simply need to ask... How can you make something that's something that is already perfect better?

5.) Spontaneous, unexpected and surprising. You keep me on my feet, keep me entertained and make me enjoy every second with you. Who knows what I am to expect?!

6.) Once upon a time, there lived to fluffy bunnies, they decided to leave their little hole and go out on an adventure. A wolf came along and bit of the rabbits head and it bled to death Its so dark, and it leaves you wondering what to think. I love your dark side. It both terrifies and intrigues me

7.) You're so intellectual. I love some of the things you say and more importantly write! You have an amazing capacity for knowledge and wisdom and you use it well. It baffles me, some of the connections you make in your essays and assignments

8.) My love you illustrate a maturity that surpasses your years. Pertaining to your ability to be responsible and reliable if and when - not that I ever am - clearly am not able to be. I think you're the one looking after me. I'm the older one, who just happens to have an 8yr old inside them~

9.) You smell amazing, but no. Seriously, you are in every way, shape or form. The most amazing, star studded, picture perfect, superbly sensational girl. I could ever have met. Yes, let the alliteration flow

10.) Because you're you, and you are *mine

too little too late I sat out watching the embers fall from your bedroom window
and I saw the green glass that falls now across your eyelids
veiling the light and keeping the shadows at bay
and in this
I have begun to realize that every self defense comes with its own side effects
as I watch you seem to not recognize your home
the empty streets bare the same resemblance to the love you used to accept
just let me fill the cracks in your concrete
and the holes in your gate
but we sit side by side not saying anything at all
watching the ash and counting the seconds
or at least I think you do
But whatever is left I will sit and smoke with you in the park
and I will be the slam of your car door as you leave

But I get torn to pieces
For the stupidest reasons

Because it is your voice that I want to hear
Because it is your eyes that I want to see
Because it is your lips that I want to kiss
Because it is your arms that I want to hug
Because it is your cheeks that I want to touch
Because it is your hair that I want to smell
Because it is your hands that I want to hold
Because beside you, I want to lay down
Because it is your laugh that makes me laugh, too
Because it is you, the reason why I smile

Because it is you, the person that I want to be with
Because it is you, the person that I really love
Because it is you that inspires me
Because it is you that makes me feel like I am complete
Because it is you, the reason why I am inlove

Because it is you why I am hurt
Because it is you why I am crying
Because it is you why I chose to leave
Because it is you why I decided to move on
Because it is you why I am trying hard to stand up again
Because it is you why I am a new person now
And yes, it is still you who is in my heart

craving a scent
wanting the taste
slamming the doors
right in my face

the dark nights pushing me past the edge
303 reasons why I wish I was dead.

I thought I knew you.
I thought I knew what you liked,
What you knew,
What you were.
I thought that you knew your limits.

But now I wonder
If you were ever that person at all,
If it really was you,
Talking with me,
Laughing with me,
Making me feel safe.

But was I ever safe?

I try to think about how
I myself have changed,
And I can't even figure out why.

Everything is abstract.
Can change in a second.
Doesn't need to follow a pattern at all.

Knowing that I may never know the true you
Ever again
Scares me more than life itself.