If seeds don’t tend to spill far from the tree,
I just can’t help but wonder where I’ll land.
In shame, my poisoned roots conspire to plant
unstable footing: reckless destiny.
You, cold in slow-birthed pain, beg to be free,
away from grasp of rope-red harnessed hands
while I struggle to find my feet and stand.
A narrative intended to repeat.

Don’t touch me. It’s a trap. I’ll never grow
into a pretty vessel with a use.
Dead roots infect their damaged seeds: echo
through gardens, plant by plant until they choose
to drown it out, to let the system go
and cut unfolding lessons at the root.

sun, moon, sea
yet your power is the strongest
the capability
is all yours to pull me under
send me down

and I hate you for that.

it's not fair that some people are inevitably unbearable,
those you have to see, have to thank
simply by the blood connection

well, I've had enough.
no more power for you
just for the sun, moon, sea

i sometimes think
that you don't care
or maybe
that you dont realise
the pain you spark
inside my soul,
but also inside the house
the sadness is in the air
and breathing is a necessity
but it's hard to keep doing that with the contamination

A baby’s smile
A friend without guile
The best night’s sleep in a while
These are the things that matter most

A brand new start
A forgiving heart
Everyone doing their part
These are the things that matter most

A wise insight
A laugh of delight
The feeling of the sun’s light
These are the things that matter most

A parent’s love
Blessings from above
A group to be a part of
These are the things that matter most

Our world when we are small.
Our bane when teenaged.
Our friend as an adult.
Our loss when death takes.

I once said that I don't want to be like my father
He was too harsh a man
I once said that I don't want to be like my mother
She was too passive a woman
To make do with what I've got
Paste together the pieces of a broken puzzle
In the past I believed that God judged me;
according to how people had judged me
I believed I was loved only conditionally;
according to how those around me chose to love me
A degree, percentage or not at all
But I was missing in this picture
Where was the unconditional part of love I now ask
What happened to having a moral compass
However morals seem to have gone out the window
And the compass is broken
When my mother died
I was deeply saddened
When my father died
I felt alone
Who is left I shouted
I am now truly alone
My mind emerged to a deeper understanding
A new revelation
If God were to be my parents
Blemish free
An unconditional love
My earthly parents were then just vehicles
There's no need to model myself on either of them
I could just simply be
For in reality they too had no mother or father
Perhaps they never knew this
Their parents also just vehicles
Stepping stones to life
Then truly no-one is an orphan
Do I feel lonely ...
Why would I
Why should I
How could I
When I am never alone
Though I don't always feel that this world is my home
I shall continue to sing a song
Write a poem
Whistle a tune
Thus I have thrown caution to the wind
People passing through my life
Like ships slowly disappearing in the horizon
Sailing away
I observe them come and go
Should I wish them back
I'd rather wish them well
Who has sailed has sailed
Continuity man's key to survival

the screams still echo throughout my head
and they terrify me, the same way they did when i was a child
every once in a while i hear them again
and suddenly

i’m back in the house
haunted by ghosts of memories
my small back
pressed up against the cold door
my little hands were covering my ears
trying to drown out your venomous words

i try and forget these broken memories
and only remember the good
but how am i supposed to do that
when the worst are most vivid?

i saw the back of your head
more than the front
but now i see your face
everywhere i look
guilt shoots pain through my chest
and i’ve never hated myself more
i forgave you, i said i forgave you
i told you i forgave you
so why can’t i shake
these flashbacks of a time
when we weren’t so picture perfect

your death has left my thoughts
a tangled mess in my head
and i can’t seem to unravel the knots
no matter how hard i try

i’ve been turned to ash
to frigid water
that instead of relief
only seems to burn
because now nothing
is how it’s supposed to be
anymore

i should’ve buried these memories
the day we buried you
because there was no point in being angry
i don’t think you knew
how much you hurt me
don’t remember the pain you caused
because it wasn’t you

you were a shell of your former self
a monster fueled by toxins
running through your veins

forgiving you
has been the hardest thing i’ve had to do
but easier
than carrying the weight of a grudge
on my shoulders
i wish i had realized when you were alive

you never apologized for
everything you put me through
i thought it was because you didn’t notice
no one pays attention to the things they don’t care about
and i was positive
you didn’t care about me

forgiving you
was the hardest thing i had to do
but forgiving myself
will be much harder
6/22/2019

==============================
Poppa was a rolling stone,
but you know Poppa never neglects home,
Poppa handled all his things,
and still made time for his guitar strings
==============================

Poppa was a rolling stone,
but Poppa always came back home,
Poppa always did whats right,
and always tucked you in at night,

Poppa always stood for truth,
he would not have be no other way,
Poppa could have chosen to go,
instead your Poppa chose to stay

==============================
Poppa was a rolling stone,
but you know Poppa never neglects home,
Poppa handled all his things,
and still made time for his guitar strings
==============================

Poppa was a rolling stone,
but Poppa couldn't come back home,
Poppa tried to do whats right,
sometimes he couldn't tuck you in at night,

Poppa tried to stand for truth,
but as a man, Poppa made mistakes,
Poppa didn't want to go,
but Poppa could not longer stay...

Poppa was a rolling stone......