what did I do? I must have done something wrong. I must have. I keep wracking my brain- scratching my skin- picking my nails trying to figure it out. I'm tearing myself apart trying to fix this- fix us. and you sit there. in the throne you built from the stones you threw at me. nothing can compare to your words- they slice me like knives. I am standing before you dressed in rags demanding answers. my arms reach out to you and you slap them away. you want me to beg for forgiveness. get on my knees and tell you that you are right and I am wrong and you have been suffering and I have been hurting you for way too long. please look down. you are sitting on a throne, and the wounds on my skin are being kissed by the wind.
you let me go. you are walking away. I called after you. I run after you for eight years. you turn around sometimes so I can catch my breath. eight years of running... there's no way I can catch my breath in time before your stone knocks the wind out of me. and then I stopped. I fell to my knees. surrender. you keep walking. don't you realize I'm not behind you? stop, turn around. nothing.
I stand up. I brush myself off. I turn. I walk away. I've gone eight years working myself and learning what it means to be completely without you. you cannot hurt me. I will not hand you the stone. I'm sure I can find my way home from here.
eighteen years, my heart has been yours. every time I ran away or wanted to be free, you let me go. but I came back... you had my heart. I guess you always will have part of me. I can't deny that. one way or another I'll always come back. you have me for four more years and then... you gotta let me go for good. and not expect my return so soon. can you do it?