The gardens were lush, the air was fresh
This valley at peace, its all that I knew
The sky shone a beautiful blue, weaving and waving, the clouds formed anew
But out of the dept, that dark gust blew through, and alas in a flash it was all gone.
Peering through blurry eyes of mine
Around I looked, my valley was dry
Reaching the peak of sadness and pain
Another life was lost yet again
Death will come at night in the cold
Over the weak, the young, the old
Xylem of life is death, I was told.

Sometimes I wake up
During disturbing dreams
Bathed in my own sweat
Realty is not what it seems
It's a unfathomable
Paradox
And the key
To my subconscious Pandora's box
Is lost in my waking reality
From which cannot open.

I am both miserable and content
Explosion of anger and breeze of serenity
A sorrowful ghost and a joyful sprite
Self-loathing and prideful
Loss of all hope and pursuit of impossibilities
An impulsive madman and calculating intellect
Utterly confused and omniscient
Close to death and far Paradise
Enveloped by creativity and planted firmly in reality
Weak and invincible
Failing and succeeding
Anxious and composed
Unmeasurable love and unfathomable hate
Optimistic and suicidal

I love you to the moon and back, yet on earth, I hate you back and forth.

I am happy with a suppressed sense of agony. So ecstatically vibrant, yet miserably tormented.

I live day to day, walking and “maturing”, yet move no further than beyond the grave of a past, long dead and gone.

I’m awake, don’t you see?

When I wake, I open my eyes in a helpless sleep. Outside my tiny being, I see nothing but me.

I call myself a mother, or a father, but never gave birth to a daughter.

We call ourselves a “family”, but exist so disconnected — wavering and dislodged, apart and separated. Smiling resentfully, painfully, excruciatingly.

All for the cameras of course.

I am respectful — to be respected! I shower in lies, and cover you too, so I need not see any offensive residue.

I am a strong person, cowering and contracted to the slightest sight of error.

No vulnerability.

I’m brave, don’t you see? A plastic rock, standing impervious to the sea.

I love you, I love you, I love you. But I don’t see you, nor hear you, don’t know you.

I understand you, of course, “I understand everything!!!!” But I don’t see you, nor hear you, don’t know you.

I know you, I know you, I know you. Yet I don’t see you, nor hear you, don’t know you.

You’re crazy, poor child! Why can’t you lie like we do!?

Why can’t you NOT feel like we do!?

Why can’t you NOT see as we do!?

Why can’t you just “forgive” and “accept”? Take it all, all our objects in their entirety and forget the emptiness of your soul. Sacrifice yourself, for you need not forget, we gave it ALL.

Don’t you know yet? This world is OURS to own. A “truth” to be known.

Your perception; a mere fallacy to be shown.

Don’t you know yet?

Everyone agrees.

We stand before an army of validation, against your small speck of reality.

All memory, all harmony, all said and done -- buried beneath.

We are the bringers of truth, the proclaimers of wisdom and sound guidance. And you, our poor child, just a little voice to be silenced.

A lost soul, drifting outside the “right” path.

Reach for our direction.

You’ll travel upon a dusty, well-trodden track, and with feet now imprinted with scars. Rest assured though, for we travelled there too; feet too ***** to bear and too numb to care.

Take our confident hands, our dearest child. We’ll lead you through a clear path with tainted feet.

You’ll fall and we’ll rise in disbelief.

You’ll scream and it’ll only echo our fears.

It must be a curse to feel so deeply.
Smog bodies with their ****** energies
and frivolous frequencies
annoy me on an exponential level and
bring me out of an amorous dream
back into this ****** reality
where light bounces off bodies of darkness
and darkness creates light from nothingness.

Humility is always the word.

So many L's,
Life Lessons Learned from Losses Left on Loop,
but when you collect enough,
you make Double Use(W's) out of an Undaunted Understanding...

When Will We Win?
What Were We Wrongfully Weary of?
Why?

And after realizing that there are those and they's and things that will never have the luxury of order to give life meaning,
a conscience for consciousness to coincide with itself,
or the ability to feel at all for lack of a decent heart,
you see every moment as a cause for celebration.
It must be a blessing to feel so deeply

My Low Heart is Encrypted in Gold

Your Love is my Pen

I take your speech and write it Bold

You lay over there trying to Learn

Why I feel so glad that I am Sad

Speechless

Like red flags in your Cold War

But I am locked in a War Room

I am still down here Dreaming

My mirror talks back to me Am I Dreaming?

I lay awake all night

Sad as rain in Summer

staring at the light

trying to find your gate

I find you staring profusely

dreaming in breathing out

you have pushed me to the wall

Oops they say I am psychic

but all I have within me is fantastic

but my tears fill up your room

God help me get this through

You asked me
If what makes me happy and sad.
I just laughed
Because you'll never know that
It's always been you.


You.