if i die
my problems die with me
if i'm gone
they won't even miss me

so why not?
it'll be breezy
kissing this **** goodbye
never felt so easy
step into the street
smiling so cheesy

throw my arms up
like Leonardo Di
wait for a pair of lights
and then just let it hit me
Lucifer is late
was supposed to come and get me
now i'm looking around
like "where the actual hell is he?"

out of place
out in space
my mind wonders
looking for something safe.
to hold onto
and cherish,
but I tend to stumble
and perish.
when fallen down
I'm filled with sound,
constant and booming
loud and looming.
once redirected
my head feels connected,
to the body I know
and my wisdom
I call home.

All at once
Or nothing at all—
I’m falling—
Blackhole kind of lovely lines
Cutting cross my angled fists
These endless daunting lists I fill to burn.

Whispering sadness,
is calling to me.
Dreams become nightmares,
and won’t cease to be.

It’s like I’m running dead out,
and then it’s a forty five degree wall.
Then no matter how fast I run,
I’m destined to fall.

I’m fleeing from something,
but I can’t get away.
It only keeps gaining,
with each passing day.

I know if I was to stop,
to simply catch my breath,
then it will be upon me,
and that would mean my death.

The weapons I had,
to keep this beast at bay,
have slowly been lost,
or have been stripped away.

That’s an apt description,
of depression I think.
Eventually the ground will turn soft,
and I’ll start to sink.

It’s just overwhelming,
this sadness i feel.
I try so hard to fight it,
but I don’t want a pill.

I guess the terror of death,
is nothing compared,
to losing who I am,
so that I won’t be scared.

So I apologize,
for not being alright.
Just remember I’m struggling,
with things I can’t fight.

Ain't say more...
I won't listen anymore;
Every plasma inside me burning
Screams up in one word: "ENOUGH".


Ain't say more...
None of the livings listened
When I tried to articulate: I'm different,
Now, my tries outpour in one world: enough.


Ain't say more...
It's the end, listen to me;
My presence has been a torment to me,
As for all of us, then, end listening: enough.


Ain't say more...
Just listen to my absence;
It has no sound, nothing all at once,
Then, believe in my nonexistence: it's enough.


Ain't say more...
The memory is horrible,
Maybe, just as I was, only a bad riddle
That a child enjoys, but the others scream up on it: ENOUGH.

I was taught many things.
To read, write, to think.
Why, were we never taught to process our hurt.
The smallest pin *****, a devastating blow to an airtight seal.
That holds us all together.
A lesson so important.
Yet often forgotten.
Hold fast, push forward.
Tomorrow is another day.
And with it comes another lesson.
May you soon have knowledge of what you seek.

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed that every nerve in your body tightens? Just so angry and anxious that you want to shake the dirt off of every fiber of your being. Crank up the volume in the car till your eardrums vibrate and only hear one constant, extremely loud noise. Clutch the steering wheel, speeding down the highway, eyes darting to the metal side rail, battling the urge to slam into it and flip your car.

How do I fix this? How do I avoid feeling this way from the beginning? It's the smallest things that set this off and it's absolutely suffocating - like a building on your chest, gasping for air. I think being reckless and overloading the senses helps. Sure it can really hurt you, but in that moment, nothing is okay. I just want it all to shut up - all the thoughts running through my head, all the emotions bubbling up. I just want peace. If that means shaking loose all the parts of my brain and filling that adrenaline by speeding down the highway - then so be it.



-t.s.

There's a difference between
lonely and alone
lost and searching
The sea of my mind shifts
and the change
causes ships to flood
leaving them to sink