The chatter in the room is almost mundane
The woman behind me has a dog she’s keeping outside who the neighbors aren’t too fond of because he’s a bit loud at night
I got to my hair appointment almost 15 minuets late as I slipped through the door of the I suppose modern styled ‘Yellow Strawberry’ my mother was on the phone
She wears this head set that wraps around your neck and never realizes she yells when she is talking to people and it makes me cripplingly anxious
The mirrors are tall and filled with unimpressed faces glaring at us as my marvelous royal purple polyester velvet skirt glistens in the sunlight peeking in from the dropped shades
I mutter out the time of my appointment apologize that we are late and give them my name
I know it is spelt wrong in the computer, and the odds of one of the people in here having a dog named bella are unbelievable high
As I’m escorted back to my hair dressers station I remember, I need to repaint my chipped glittery red nail polish before I pick all of it off and feel disgusting
But this particular nail polish is extremely difficult to get off and I regret every-time I paint my nails with it
But it looks so ******* beautiful in the sunlight and my lover adores the color against my almost porcelain  like skin so I indulge from now and again
I am here to hopefully cut about three inches off of my hair, it’s getting too long it sits painfully at about an inch or two below my shoulders
Four months ago I cut off about 10 inches and I felt about 50 pounds of anxiety lift from my chest
I think my fears started to manifest in my curls and the knots that kept returning reminding me over and over again I needed a desperate change
And now I’m finding myself approaching another much needed change, it’s nice

She is so orange!
Her skin is pale,
And her hair is an off-white blonde,
But she...
Oh man, is she orange.
I smell the falling leaves through her smile,
And I can feel the carving tools sawing through pumpkin rinds,
Drawing Autumn sketches,
Doing what artists will do at this point in the year,
As If they were my own hands.

She will shout from the rooftops
With her yellow words
About her seasonal excitement,
Ending each proclamation with red exclamation marks.

She will shower me in plans
For Octobers and Novembers to come.
Walking me through festivals and unmade memories
With each new idea.

She is orange,
And for the next few months
Orange is my favorite colour.

The three of us saw each other
for the first time in three months
our late nights sounded the same,
full of  laughs and whispers.
Our mornings tasted the same,
full of breakfast cooked by your mom.
The October air on my face reminded me that change had come
forcing me to remember summer left us
the air chilled my throat as I watched both of you
and I remembered all the forgiving I had to do.
Forgiveness you were never aware of.
I watched the leaves beg to fall
and remembered the hundreds of nights
we spent out here just being young.
all the songs in my ears warned me
that these days felt never ending.
As I watched the sun beat down white instead of yellow
I looked at you two
and remembered all our days that seemed
this way.

Why doesn't it come through the window, like it did?
The moon?
With it's white night thoughts?
Pouring in
Now, pouring out
Why don't you cry to me?
Now, I see the tears welling,
but, a steely-eyed anger holds them back.

I can tell you a thousand things.
Your hair, a black sky I look out on tonight
And where is it?
The moon?

I can tell you a thousand things.
You are my beautiful boy.
You are my beautiful boy.

Where is it?
The moon?

The years first snowfall
An outcry in October
Tears on painted leaves

10-20-2018

the air, cold in the bottom of my lungs,
calls me out to face the chill,
let raindrops bless my skin,
gaze up, squinting into the sky,
and feel tiny droplets scatter on my cheeks like freckles

i love rainy, cold weather,
i love letting my sleeves fall down over my hands
i love too-wide smiles and wet toes from splashing
in puddles full of mud and hazy reflections of people i love

i love the shiver down my spine
whenever i step out the door,
walking between school buildings with friends,
laughing as loudly as we can
tucking strands of wet hair behind our ears,
checking everyone's backpacks are closed
to protect english papers and math homework

i breathe deeper in the autumn
because the bite of the cold at the sides of my lungs
gives a high i can't replicate
any other time of year

how strange it all sings
how strange everything leads around
strangely all this is strange
how strange it is now october
and the fact that now is not november and the fact that
now is not september and what is now
there is something and that is strange

how strange it is very all around
how strange everything is very and incomprehensible
and why and why does this circle exist
and why and why am I a hostage in it
did i sing too loudly or at all
very very quietly I really sang
I was too strong man or very
and very weak about what is the reason for all

reason about the reason all around what's and
these all the weirdness of these all sorrows
all the joys of where and why and why now
not december and why now is not february and why
and why am I saying all these words now
because I know that now everything is in the same lane and
that now everything is both yes and no and always

20.10.18

you were born as i was born
you were born but when but when
but when did I see you but
when but when I saw you about
my friend is my friend or my brother
or my brother or me or me or something
something around what happened when
then when when was i no i no i no i
when I was you when you were me and when
my brother and you were i was all was all

today is your birthday or was he
still at the beginning of october or he was still second
the second of october when the roosters sang loudly
when the monkeys were mad when lightning
when the lightning does not sparkle when only one
the rainbow was outside the window a huge window always the
well do you know do you know do you know that window
well as you do not know but in any case you
you will see someday and therefore you always knew him

you knew me and I knew you but when but when when but when
today is your birthday promise to remember me
promise me to remember my brother oh my friend oh my
forever promise not to forget promise to remember me
tell to devote all words or almost all to me or not to me
oh my eyes are unthinkable without you oh my eyes cannot live
can not exist without you like almost all
today is october and this is your october today is your eternal
eternal holiday eternal salute and and a great celebration
the whole world is yours all day all night and all the banks
do not forget me and do not forget remember
the eternity of eternity and always

19.10.18

The wind is angry today
Whipping violently at the trees
Howling and whistling too
A warning of what is to come

Branches and twigs snap under her speed
Animals will need to snuggle in tonight
Sure to send a shiver down your spine
As the gale knocks on your bedroom window

The whirlwind tries to ****** every last leaf
The remaining ones dance on tree limbs
celebrating victory over might gusts
Mother nature laughs as her children play

the leaves are falling from the trees
a bundle of reds and browns and greens
the cold air begins to settle in
it rests on your chest, making its home there
slowly becoming a never ending shiver
the color dropping from your eyes
just like the dying leaves
your eyes soon become as dull as the naked trees

but i will swallow the sun to keep you warm
holding you between my arms
allowing the reds and browns and greens
to continue to thrive in your eyes
i will tuck away the cold
for the iciness of autumn brings the falling apart
and i would rather fall together