Summer is
far as I think,
it flickered when
I blink
dreaming of
nostalgic
no winter, no autumn.

Maybe,you were written
in a next page,
I am the half
of your gut,
in every torn paper
and scratches.
How many times
it took a relevance?
like i'm dreaming
of "if you are mine?"

Roam phantoms
of my little
lost self,
Playing, running
around the apple trees

Happy is
the laughter
of my twin sister

Through the kitchen
window Mom fixes
dinner

Her smile bastes
the turkey
for Thanksgiving

Roam phantoms
of my little
lost self,
Playing, running
around the apple trees

Now
the fallen apples
rot on the ground

The backyard
of my past
is sullen wet
with leaves

eenie, meenie, miney...
no -
but do you ever feel like yes?
like it probably wasn't your time
to be with him?
but what if you could
make it your time?
like if somehow we could go back
to the very moment you ruined
everything that you had good
going for you
like maybe if that guy would just
hear you out one last time
as if you havent been
begging for my forgiveness
for months
i can pinpoint the exact time
when my world went topsy turvy
and all you forced to do is
live with the consequences of stupid decisions
you made that one night...

the one night that
put out the glow
that beamed from your
soil-colored eyes

that night that deemed your once
textured locks of curled hair into
a mess of your own tangled regret
that took control over my anxiety

that night i "over reacted"
i remember that night so well; better than i care to admit.
i remember crying into the shoulder of the university
t-shirt i gave you,
and knowing that was the last time i would ever
      be
         close
             enough
                  to
                     smell
                         you
eenie, meenie, miney, mo
you're it

Take me back to last summer
To 4am laying on a damp blanket
Under a dark sky sprinkled with stars,
The quiet envelope of night,
Next to a warm breathing body,
An entity of love

To slowly closing eyes and then
To open them and find that
streak of light sprint across the night canvas
Your hand squeezes mine as you say
“Did you see that?!”
“Yes,” I say but the stars are only beautiful
Because they are here with you

And now we are back in your car
The heat is turned on high and
I am wrapped in your blanket
Falling asleep in your passenger seat
I thought for sure I’d kiss your lips tonight
But our relationship is still young,
and we are both so shy
So I let you kiss my cheek - that is enough

You look so beautiful
even now
At five in the morning  
with tired eyes, a sleepy smile
And a drowsy sway
Amazing,
Simply amazing
Just like the night sky.

I’d like to take you to this moment, it’s five in the afternoon and downtown Portland is quiet.

The sidewalks are cluttered with bodies silently moving,
sleepily dodging the sun
the sounds of sirens
doors slamming
cars braking for red lights
fill the lapses of time
I walk slowly through the crowd
reflections of sunlight jumping off tower windows
illuminating my elbow
three freckles on my forehead
my right knee
The space surrounding me smells strongly of burning tobacco
foods dipped in boiling oil
rich, dark coffee.


There’s a way my lungs jolted before and there’s way they do now.

The parachute of air running in and out
flexing like wings inside my chest.
How they used to flutter


how they once had a choreographed routine

                        designed around their sudden need jolt
                      
                                                  whenever they thought of being near lips


Now, in the shadows of concrete and plexiglass they remain following a newfound mundane routine
flapping their wings only to keep me upright
only to feed the world between my ears


I’d like you stand in this moment

                               wrap your fingers in the way loss pulls like a trigger

Wake you  up to the world where the towers finally fall
allow you to watch as they cascade towards you and feed each human instinct that follows, do you run?
Do you stand in fear?
I want you here in this moment alone
in your interpretation of a body

I want you to see the way I pull on you
the way I run from you
the way I stand
glued to the ground
as each wave washes over me

The way you came into my life anxious
the three seconds where the entire block is silent
and you can suddenly hear each and every single one of the vibrations your body makes
when no one is looking you in the eyes as they pass you by.

I don’t even know how bite into you
                                                          when you’re just the lapse in time

the five in the afternoon lull that manifests the slow
rhythmic pulsing of my heart
feeding only to keep me alive
the machine that clicks at every passing minute

                                                         I want you to crave the connection

the sounds of voices
the stem of a scream to grow inside your throat

                                                        let it consume you

the way it does me
a fear not of being alone, but never truly being seen