Is there a feeling worse than regret?
Knowing you’ve done something against yourself and only you are to blame?
What’s more poisonous than being able to live and relive the events of the past?
Than being able to see the rippling effects your actions have?
I cannot imagine anything worse
Than to be stuck in my own body
Than to experience myself so intensely
Knowing what I did
Knowing who I hurt.
I cannot imagine anything more frustrating
Than making mistakes and then knowing
How I could have done better and
Realising the limits of my own cognition
And the stupidity of my own ego.

I ask myself why
But the question only drives me mad.
I spit at my own reflection and
Cower into a corner and long for
A few seconds of non-existence.
I am ugly,
Ugly in the soul,
Ugly in the bone,
And no
These mistakes are not normal.
How can I be my own victim and perpetrator so easily?
And then wake up with dread that I’m not necessarily safe for myself?
I am stuck.
I did know better
But I didn’t do any better,
So what the actual f*ck?!

ROAD TO GLORY |2|

Those who
never made
mistake haven't had
anythang learnt in life.
Nor gather
any experience.
Mistake
uncovers enormous mystery on the road to glory & Inside the belly of mistake hides the corrective tools for success. Right every wrongs.
#c9_fm

Falter-
My broken stride,
A step too far,
My leg swung wide.

A misstep-
Just one mistake.
I reel in place.
My heart beats ache.

Falling-
Come crashing through
The floor till I
Collapse on you.

The one job I loved
You took away from me
I shouldn't give you that power
But you've got me on my knee
Now every day is monotony
The light so far away
The amount the pain weighs
Trying to breath everyday
But water filling my lungs as I say
"This can't be the way"
I can't see a resolution
Sitting through electrocution
Of your words and your apology
I can see through the psychology
Lack of personal responsibility
You're pure juvenility
"I want to be friends"
But seeing your mistake gives you the bends
You can't have it both ways
That's the phrase that pays

It began as a mistake,
a sweet lie,
a sin i couldn't scape.
It began as a mistake,
as it took control of me,
like a demon
feeding the weak.
It began as a mistake,
but it was the most beautiful one,
that i ever taken.
Im seating here,
alone in my throne,
waiting to you,
to come home.

How can I see?
The spring in its silver notes,
Sweet sounds of watering, with
The meadows that are meant to be.
A linear existence emerging
From the synchronicity of sprout

The greenness that comes to caress
Soul of the spring time, which
Captures a stillness of the growth.
A beauty of change, that doesn’t resonate
In the bloom of life, but rather
During the glisten of withering light

How can I compare
Duality of change in nature
Newly born buds predictability,
With my spirits unfolding
Yet to come so frequently

In the face of bitter winter,
Steps taken towards the tempest
Imprints the raw snow,
So willing for a fervid journey
It burns onto a spring plain,
Only in a hindsight
You see the change in true life

writing in fugue states
distress, take me
and give me dizziness
only to see black
what mistake
made me so
today, was too late
that i should have noticed before

the body falters

I've been so lonely
as of late.
I set out to
create a mate.
Oh, who am I
kidding, I'm not
a poet, I'm a doctor,
truth be told,
more of an alchemist.
Going to graveyards
for body parts, all
in the name of
science, I swear....
to create life....boy did
I **** this one up
royally.