I am the conduit
When feelings hit, they strike deep
Like lightning, unfathomable strength More fleeting than the jaded moments
It comes to fade like shallow breaths
But the scars remain
Reminding me of a forever, lost

Misspelled shadows
A creeping psalm of hope
I am the line crossed
I am the light lost
I am the entity that can't be found
Scorned by solemn apathy
I become the withered and unbound

Ransom unjust fate
Just to feel okay by yourself
You are the silence I seek
Courageous and unfettered by longing
My love seethes in empty corridors
Wandering past each frame of mind
Doorways leading to crippled lines

Threads unjust, no beginning or end
This woven featurette is yours to weep
Watch me dance hollowly on screen
Stepping over each piece of glass
Like the ghostly waltz of yesteryear
Find me there, underneath the crown of hate

I am the conduit
I am the fateless misery you strive to hate
Strike me down, fell my cause
Bring me to my knees
Misery seems to be my favorite mistake
The taste of your lips a listless waste

A Poetic Apology
Because doing this is easier than making up for the mistakes I made

To whomever it may concern,
I wish to grant my deepest apology for whatever it may be that you think I may have done
Although I will deny that I did it
And if i did do it
Than I had done it for a good reason
Please know that I will halfheartedly take any responsibility
This way I only have to feel half as guilty

I will try my best to make up a long list of things that I will try to change about myself
Even though I will not actually try to do them
But, if you ever bring this up to me I will remind you that these things take time

I will be trying to work on myself
As I do nothing at all
And I will be trying to improve my relationships
As I deny any wrongdoing
Watch as I fix my flaws
Without doing any self reflection

For those who do not accept my apology
I will be calling you heartless cowards
I will rake your name though the muck
I will burn down the house that we had made together
And I will be seen as the victim of this narrative

Gas lights can make for an excellent way to uncover the truth though the darkness
But, they are only effective when the right person is handling the torch

Wound with joy and cheer
Unaware of the danger near
Moments away
Racing mind, rather absent
Hurry, hurry, hurry-!
Outcry echoes throughout the space
What searing pain
Heat from surface to flesh
Red as ripest tomato
Forming spots of pale white
Oh dear, what plight

- Jay M
January 8th, 2021

you taught her
to shut up

to keep quiet

to know her place

to nod and agree

and to never, ever
disobey you.



when the police
came knocking
on your door

and they asked her
where you had been,

you expected her
to state your alibi.



you expected her
to speak up for you,

but you had taught her
to never speak at all.



that was your
fatal mistake.

People are so eager to say,
"You are enough"
to shove,
"self love" down your throat.
but when you're tossed aside,
by everyone,
how can I believe that I'm,
deserving of love

I need patience
Fighting for peace
But there is the silence,
The Darkening Abyss.

I used to dream
How we would kiss,
But there was that dim
And Frightening Abyss.

I used to look
For will without haste,
But You cruelly took
Me away from my place.

I used to think
That there was a thread
Which definitely linked
Mine and your head,

There was that cut
Right in the middle,
So I had to start
Resolving the riddle.

I used to dream
That you're standing near,
But things that I feel -
Are despair and fear.

I used to hope,
But now I do not,
I had to stop
Tying the knot.

How come  I mistook
My Love - with fear?
I dared not look
On my face without tears.

I tear apart
Your image within.
I knew from the start,
I never could win.
...
I need patience
To lower the risk
But there is the silence,
The Darkening Abyss.

The Darkening Abyss
Negates all my will.
Each second we kiss
My heart is in thrill…

I fall in its depths,
The Frightnening Abyss.
I can hear your steps,
Don't let go of me, please.

I fell in Abyss
And found there a thread.
The moment we kissed
I knew where it led.

Mistaken was I?
Or purely naive?
I didn't know why
I didn't just leave.

Totally captivated
Your arms within.
I doubtlessly stated -
I never could win.

Misunderstanding.
Something that you can't undo.
The biggest mistake.

I'll wave,
creating shapes with my flame,
you'll mistake yes for no
speechless for shocked
sad for emotionless.
you'll feel the heat and
assume that I'm here to burn.
you'll never see the colors I am.
I'll never be able to tell you the scents.
I'll be confined in this little glass jar.
and then?
you'll ***** me out.