"I love you" doesn't happen to me
does it feel real when it happens to you?
Is it honest, without any trade?
You should doubt it, expect it to fade.

How did I get here, is that what you're thinking?
It took some time, much turmoil, sinking,
I tried to cling on, I hoped, I tried,
I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried.

Now sunk.
I look.
Out there I wonder,  I think "are there others?"
Flawed and lost with strangers for brothers,
not convinced not believing
that they, the true them, are worth receiving
truthful love, a bond, safe space,
we are filled with doubt, no more brave face.

Whenever the clock

strikes you'll feel the vibration –


how much I miss you.

It is a feeling that hurts,
More than a heartbreak;
Impermanence it asserts.

The connection never ceased;
As the plant that has dried now,
Its seed was pure love.

Fragile as its leaves were,
It carried a bond impermeable;
Hence still seems near.

Forgiveness is the glue,
To fill in the cracks;
As the purpose is to renew.

I always wonder why by the end of the month
Every smell changes like seasons fall into place
How today would smell sappy and fresh
But tomorrow it’ll be sugary and sweet

Once, I saw you changing it
I asked why you do that
You smiled and handed it to me as I sniff it,
“Nothing really lasts long.”

Whenever I get a sniff of this it reminds me of that place
I’d always go at the back seat or beside you
But now you’re gone it’s never the same
For I never experienced being beside you again

Now, I get why you change it every month,
For even the pleasant smell of an air freshener is temporary,
Despite of its strong and rich scent
There’ll be a time it needs to be replaced

Soft and musky
Clean and cool
Mild and delicate
The scents you always loved

So as I change my car freshener,
I still wonder,
If you were here by my side,
Would you be the one to change it every end of the month?

how many times
can we part
and still remain whole

I never wanted to change the sheets,
    as I always smelt you even though

you weren't there.


I loved you from the distance,
             from a kiss from you to us.

But I knew that I needed you to know,
          that I was here even though
you weren't between the pillow
           and sheets keeping me warm.

Sleeping without you, clutching the
             the cusion that had
                        you head rested

next to mine..

Closing my eyes I'd imagine you looking
               lost into mine.
Breathing deeply I feel a moment
       when you loved me.
            

I felt lost till you were next to us,
       we weren't apart.
      But I lost you every time you
             closed the door.

But now you're next to me, no longer
               cuddling pillows of dreams
I  have the real thing, you next to me.

Here’s another day to breathe
With fewer yet to be
Set the time for better eves
But do not wait for me

Justify the game we made
In wallowing the fear
Pretending limes are lemonade
As weeks turn into years

Through a friendly daze to weave
Conceal the feelings known
But promise not to wait for me
Until I’ve fully grown

Yes, you can keep your eyes at sea
As countless tales may go
But darling, do not wait for me
For I may never show

i want to write poems for you
but you bled me dry
and now all i have are whispers
in place of sonnets.