I can still feel the way your arms wrapped around my waist as you hugged me in the kitchen looking down at me with the biggest smile on your face
But- I can also recall the feeling of how cold it was when you pulled them away so your friends wouldn't see us.
I wondered why you were ashamed of us
But- now I realize that you were just scared of being in love.

i remember the moment
where it all came into focus
after a night of drunken kisses
and lipstick stains
on your autumn sweater.
i told myself this was it
the chance to finish what we started
yet you stood infront of me
eyes casting shadows,
explaining that our stolen embrace
was an impromptu mistake
meaning that to you
we were a blinding moment
and to me, we were the sun.

There’s a certain safety in lukewarm love
in the thoughts I never speak, you are the first to leave
we lay in bed with only our backs facing each other
is this how it’s supposed to feel?
I’d never admit it but I stopped missing you when you’re gone
maybe it’s time we admit dependency is not the same as intimacy

I miss you more than I describe
I thought I would be glad when you left
But your absence leaves a gaping hole that cannot be filled
I know you’re happy there but I miss you

My favorite genre to read is fiction;
that's why I am always captivated by your eyes and enticed by your words.

Everyday i fall apart
Every moment I hold myself .

Everyday i feel pain
Every moment I crave for ease .

Everyday i look around
I might see you again .

I might kiss you again .
I miss you love .

You left like there was no reason to stay
I hold no gruges for you
I hold no regret that you left
I hold no accusations against you

I hope whatever you're trying to do with your life you find true peace .
I hope you are loved .
I hope you don't have to look back .
I hope your live a life with fulfillment.

I was fighting alone in my life with everything I have .
I have no grasp on my shattered life anymore .
This time when you left i didn't think for a second to ask if I hold on or let go ..!
I took this decision on my hand .
I hold onto that love we had , but I don't expect you'll return .
I hold onto that word , you said " I'll be back soon " . But I don't expect you'll return .

Sometimes it was hard to love you knowing you're gone ..!
I was not okay , i am still not okay .
I hold my whole life on my back , and didn't even let you know about the storm i was tangled in .

Everytime i had a bad , worst day I thought about us . I thought about the love we had ..
It was a relief like a soft wind in a harsh weather .
It was a relief like a warmth in a sharp winter .

All I've ever needed that you to exist in my life .


But I don't find any relief now ..I am so shattered , broken .
Still i am fighting .
One day when this all will end i don't know if I will ever be able to fix my self emotionally .

Still i hope you're okay and have a good life .
You know I understand 🖤