"I love you" doesn't happen to me
does it feel real when it happens to you?
Is it honest, without any trade?
You should doubt it, expect it to fade.

How did I get here, is that what you're thinking?
It took some time, much turmoil, sinking,
I tried to cling on, I hoped, I tried,
I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried.

Now sunk.
I look.
Out there I wonder,  I think "are there others?"
Flawed and lost with strangers for brothers,
not convinced not believing
that they, the true them, are worth receiving
truthful love, a bond, safe space,
we are filled with doubt, no more brave face.

I thought of something worth writing earlier
Forgot it
Obviously
Write things down, clear your head
Write down your thoughts
My thoughts are horrible
Self obsessed
Critical
Repetitious
Hateful
Lacking
Lost
I am faking it most of the time
Acting
I hate what's really me
She's a stranger, really
Patience
Concerted efforts at positivity
Exhausting...it's
Absolutely exhausting
Necessary
Worth while
Out of reach