worthless
i am unclean
dead torn thoughts inside
brain dead stupidity of the ****** next door
living thoughtlessly
they say perfection is a contract of demise
nothing matters it seems
i’ll sign my name away
let’s rid the world of me

would you love me
if you lived inside of me
because i hate it here
you’ll never see me
i used to hide
in fragments of myself
often i want to hold back
sometimes i think it’s the only way
to keep you from leaving one day

if so,
we’ll always have may

wordswordswordswordswordswordswords flood my brain when I see you;
words of thanks,
words of care,
words of love...
but every time I see you, those words are blocked by the dam of thoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughts of the past;
thoughts of our afternoons spent together,
thoughts of our plans and promises,
thoughts of us.
then my smile quickly fades once I start to remember the painpainpainpainpainpainpain that it caused...
the pain of the lies,
the pain of the longing,
the pain of knowing that those words, those thoughts, this pain is the only part of you that will ever be mine.