I’m always too late.
As I open a new door and hope beyond hope that you will be there with an outstretched hand to grasp, to lead me to love and a lifetime of calm and content, I find it there, still held out yet recently gripped. Slipped out of my reach and into the path of another, luckier, funnier, happier, leaving me the lonelier, once more, contemplating how I missed my chance and if I’d have arrived sooner, unrealistically, and stolen you away in a merry chase, fate would have been kinder. But none but me could have been blinder, still lingering on what could have been and leaning hopefully to a truth that will never be. Us. Thus time is finicky, a whirlpool of whispering questions teaching valuable lessons that no one hears until you arrive at the moment you’re in now and already it’s gone and you forget how you got there and what went wrong. But while I’m gone, wondering the reasonings and all it brings, not everything stayed the same. I weighed my wait. I’m always too late.

It is late,
and the beer drips down my throat
                                                          ­   goes to my head
meets the silence
            tomorrow is too hard to think about
                                                           ­           but tonight
my youth dances with the alcohol
                                                         ­  they aren't good dancers
but no one is watching
and tomorrow is late

late night
dark room
quiet house
mind on you

n.p.

it’s 3:06am
the demons
they seem to be running late

i pray arrival is soon
their presence
much more reassuring
than being left alone in my thoughts.

Staring out my windshield
Eyes are numb to the roads
Street lights start to blend
Swerve
Roll down the windows
Blast the music loud
Bring your head back to earth
Swerve
Didn’t see that one
Ok no music
Just focus on th-
Swerve
The fatigue seeps in
Too many late nights
So many bright lights
Swerve
Arms drop to my side
Eyes close and my head falls
A loud blare still echoing
Crash..

You left me with your touch still on my heart
i still need your loving to stay strong,
you showed me a dark side that I was scared to explore
which brighten my horizons but now that you're gone,
it breaks my heart to see you happy without me

legs sprawled out across the patchwork sofa,
he spoke.
"listen
if you're really feeling these things
and they hurt enough to make you act
like this
then, man, they're not stupid things to feel."
he didn't break eye contact,
just looked at me as i laid on the floor
holding back words
and holding back tears.

I miss the 4am drives home
I loved  reminiscing how great life was
The only car on the road
But things were going so well
I miss those nights
where
only minutes prior
I was at peace laying with you
I don't think
It'll feel the same
With anyone else

it's wanting the storm to end,
while watching it through your kitchen window
and hoping that it keeps raining
because the world stops for a few seconds
when you see the lightning shine through the glass
and you hear the thunder above your head.
the gray clouds seem to light up,
the sky is much prettier
than when it's blue but then
it goes back to what it was before;
just water and a dark sky

Flowers grow in the carcass of what you left,
Camellias bloom in my lungs with each breath I take;
desperately heaving, weeping, I'm a victim of theft.

Roses rise from the hole in my chest,
their prickly stems stab me, blood mixing with tears...
though, in your heart, I'm just a guest

Too young to feel this dead inside, Amaranthus flowers
still sprout within my soul, will these dark clouds
ever leave? You built me up in into glass towers.

It's the hemlock that dives in my blood.
My mind mirrors the smashed pieces of glass on the ground,
I'd love you if only it would,
fix the broken parts of your world.