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Somewhere,  out there,

There's a place where

I belong.

Somewhere, out there,

There's a face that

Sings a song,

To my mind,  

And it's mine,

And it's something

Meant for me,

'Cause somewhere,

Out there,

Must be a one

Who waits for me.

But deep inside,

I'm feeling blind,

There's so many things

That I've left behind.

I've loved, and

I've lost,

And still have

Yet to find...

But somewhere,

Out there,

Like a dream I

Can barely recall,

I know there's hope,

Even for somebody

Like me...

Broken,  insecure,

But somewhere out there

must be a cure,

Somewhere, out there,

Till that day,

I'll endure...

All my loss and my pain,

And the fear in

My brain,

Till  I find he who


Me of that joy,  again...

Somewhere... out there...

I hope to dream again...
It's been almost ten years since I lost my fiancé Charlie to a ****** overdose on October 16, 2013. Since then,  I still wear the silver key he used to propose to me around my neck each day...

But maybe it's finally time to move on for me.  Maybe it's time to hope for a future. Hope for a love that I can call my own again...

Hope... but never forget. Rest in peace my beloved Chucky Mallon, born sunrise August 9, 1985, passed from this world on October 16, 2013. I still dream about you. I can't ever forget...
Wake up every morning
Wondering if I
Should live or die,

Think about my friends
I know are waiting for me
In the sky,

Shotgun in my bed,
I take it out and
Then I Pump the slide,

Put it in my mouth
And give myself
Some time to wonder why,

Should I pull this trigger,
Or should I just go
Lay down and die?

Should I curl up in a ball,
Or should I let my
Feelings lie?

Reaching for my Xanax
'Cause that bottle is
Just all I've got,

Pop a couple just to
Make the voices stop
So I can rise.

Gotta find a reason
Just to get up
Off my lazy ***,

End up on the streets
Where you can find me
Flipping **** for cash.

Looking for some ****?
You need that hard?
You know I've got your back.

Need some company?
I've got this number,
And she'll call you back.

When the day is over,
Hit the bus and I
Just stumble back,

Pop a few more Xanax,
Smoke a blunt,
And then i hit the sack,

Open up my eyes,
And reach between my
Mattress once again,

Shotgun in my mouth,
And cradle it
Like it's my only friend.
This is my hypothetical life these days. Wake up, think about ending it, take 5 minutes to decide whether or not it's worth pulling the trigger,  hustle, come back, and do it all over again.  I hate myself more than anyone else in the world,  and even though I have friends who love me and support me,  I can never seem to love myself.  So I just go to sleep,  wake up,  and do it all over again.
Kris Fireheart Jun 2020
It's been the longest time,
Since I've felt this alive.
So many years gone by
Since I've seen all these guys.

But on this day,  I rise,
When I was granted life,
To find my eyes surprised
By all their smiles and cries!

"Hey, happy birthday man! "
"It's been a long-*** time! "
"We planned ahead, and decided
To grab some whiskey and wine! "

And that was all it took,
To get it through my head,
That when this night was over
We'd likely do it again.

See, I'm a man with good friends,
I have a thirst I must quench,
And when Bacchus calls for this man,
I let the games begin!

And once these parties start,
They rarely ever end.
And when the bottles run dry,
Somebody carries more in.

"And every glass I take,  I do it not for me;"

"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!"

Now it's the third warm night
And all the wine is gone,
The whiskey comes along,
And they break out in song:

"Another cup for mine!"
"Another night survived!"
"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!
My birthday parties can get a bit long and wild.  I turned 30 June 2. Yay me... bah,I'm so old...
Kris Fireheart May 2020
Summer is here...

But I can't feel it.

The sun is shining...

But it's not real.

There's something broken,

Inside my heart.

It began with the words

"Be together apart. "

Locked in my room,

I can't take this pain!

But I will endure. For my strength remains.

I will tell you now...

About the rain.

How it washes away,

Such abominable stains,

And comforts dearly,

The most stained of my name,

For I want for nothing,

But to see it again.

For even now,  our leaders,  they lie.

And could give less than we know,

If it's us who dies.

In these desperate times,

It's enough to be alive,

But every day now,  we're left

To ask why...

Oh, let the rain wash over us.

Oh, let the light of heaven shine.

And let the pain begone...

It was never mine.

Oh,  only now can I feel the rain...
I hate this... I hate ALL of this... but we'll get through it. After all,  we're only human...
Kris Fireheart Apr 2020
As I walk in the sunset,
Through silent, empty streets.
They peer through their

People are afraid of me.

The virus has arrived
This newest of disease,
And with it comes the worst
Of humanity.

"Stay away from him.
He's Asian. They have
That coronavirus."

First off, I'm American.
I have to live here, too.
And yes, I'm scared,  I am.

I swear,  I'm just like you.

But don't look at me different.
Don't walk across the street.
Don't lift up your collar or
Tighten your mask
When I smile and wave to greet.

I am human. Not a monster.
I am not your disease.
Don't blame me for the mistakes
Of man.
I'm just trying to be me.

I just want to believe...
Coronavirus has brought out racism against asians in a way that I haven't seen in years. I wrote this to address that. Please support this poem and spread the word about this silent cruelty.
Kris Fireheart Mar 2020
Ah, yeah, there it is...
It's been years; too long.
The memory has faded,
But the desire remains.

It's that feeling I've missed;
Such sweet, silent songs,
Such emotions debated,
No more clouds in my brain.

Just a painless, empty bliss.
I can smile, and fantasize,
And feel the warm sun's kiss
As I breathe and close my eyes.

Such a blanket never sewn,
Can bring me this warmth.
Confidence I've never known,
And some feeling of worth.

Finally,  I belong!
I'm here! Can you see me?
Nothing's wrong; not now,
I can just stand here, and BE.

Tonight, when they watch me,
Their eyes open in wonder,
I shall stand and deliver,
And quiver no more.

I am here.  I exist.
And I am not afraid.
A poem I've been waiting years to write. Today,  I deliver a presentation for my master's class. Wish me luck.
Kris Fireheart Feb 2020
In this day and age,
The mysterious ways
Of men and their money
Fill all of our days.

A hashtag,  an update,
A notification.
Just to remind me
Of my situation.

Three years on the streets
Meant nothing to me,
But it showed me a world
Few ever should see.

Now Texas takes notice,
Financial aid!
The catch is,  of course,
My ****** GPA.

They do this on purpose.
I'm ignorant? My ***!
"You've got seven hundred dollars
To spend before class."

"You can buy anything here,
No gift cards, of course. "
I said "this isn't a buffet;  
That's a smorgasbord! "

Give me three new shirts,
All the books for my classes,
A new backpack,  a hoodie,
Alumni- framed glasses.

Then,  send me an email,
At nine in the morning
That I'll be dropped
by four p.m. without warning!

So much for sleep.
It's time for *******.
Because these ****** people
Are pulling THIS **** again.

Loan counseling? What's that?
"In forty- eight hours
The approval will come back. "

Are you being serious?
I'm better off smoking crack!
Just give me my education,
And stay the hell off my back!
I HATE the financial aid institution! Good gods,  will someone FIX this broken ****?
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