I realize

       Now

    You're

The Reason

        I've

     Been

  *Holding
          Back

Walking quickly,
Just to catch up with you,
So we can talk for a few more minutes,
So I can see your eyes just one more time,
Before tomorrow.

Walking slowly,
Just to make it last longer,
So I can feel your hand in mine for another eternity,
So I can see you smiling for another second,
Before tomorrow.

Holding you closer,
Just to feel your heart,
So I can hear the sound of every gentle breath,
So you can keep me warm for another moment,
Before tomorrow.

Looking back,
Just to see you step inside,
So I can catch another glimpse of your hair,
So I hear the last thing you say,
Before tomorrow.

Running home,
Just to make the time go faster,
So that the adrenaline can make each minute rush by,
So I don't have to wait quite as long,
Before tomorrow.

i step out
and the rain greets me like a blessing
bestowed by some great silence
i speak to each sunday
and i take this as an answer
because why the hell not

i am suddenly sure i have left something behind
but no, my bag is there
notebooks tucked under my arm
ipod clutched in one hand
phone safe inside my jacket
consorting with my keys
(proof I've got somewhere to go)
travel mug empty, wallet full
of receipts and loyalty cards

finally, pricked by the bent arm of a button
i give up, knowing it's all in my head
and i have everything i need to survive today

still, i feel like something's missing

my right hand clings to my scarf
fingers tight, knuckles white
as if to say
"give me something to hold onto"
and the rain that stings my face reminds me

i have everything i need to survive today
except you

Walking down a path, onto the other side
Holding your hand and noticing the grass getting greener
This is what it's like for love to coincide
Fresh air feels my lungs and my heart tells me "I love her"

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To
See "him" turn into
A stranger.

Oh,
boy,
I guess
I looked into your
Soul
For too long
To ever go
Back to being
"Just friends"

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To feel
Yourself fading
from "his"thoughts
Just like how
Dews evaporate
Once they see
The sun.

Oh,
Boy,
I was nothing
But a voice in your head.
And now that I've been replaced,
I wonder how long
Till i cease to be

You
either leave
Or
Stay too long
To witness
his eyes go blank
To watch him
See right through you.

Oh
Boy,
You were long gone
Even when you were
holding my hand
I knew you were
Wandering far away

You
Either leave
Or
stay long enough
To
Watch him leave.*

Oh,
Boy,
But I'm
Still holding on to you
Long after
You have let go.*

[Nothing good stays. I could never leave, so i guess that makes sense]

Tears now because you wake up in the same life you went to sleep hoping you could run away from.. Opening up but scared of shutting down . you're given a chance , how could they possibly understand , how could  they know what life is like when everything for you is black . Telling you it's natural , If it's natural when why am I the only one in the group who feels like this . Why am I the only one who cannot tell when someone does Care, when someone is honestly there to Listen. Warning them to not get close because the life you live is not one you'd like to burden anyone with. Protecting them because they cannot protect you , it is over because you've learned how to control the only thing that could make you better , learning how to turn those dreams into writing because you are no longer able to fight , and that one person still remains out of sight..

I wonder who I am
to you. In your eyes?
When you hold me
When you kiss me
When you touch me

Who am I in your hands?
What’s my name, what’s my story?
Surely you and I must have a sad one
Surely I must have a sad one
For you to have been so willing
So ready to let me
Hold you
Kiss you
Touch you.

Do we look alike? Is it in my eyes
In my arms? When I hold you
In my lips? When I kiss you
In my fingers? When I touch you

Maybe we walk the same talk the same
Maybe it’s all in the way I chose to handle you
When you were alone
In the dark
How you were held
How you were kissed
How you were touched

But what if all this time
You thought that I was
Holding
Kissing
Touching
You.