"I hate you now as much as I will ever hate you."
Our fingers laced with strained prose and my blooming heart.
There's only so many ways to tell you this without us both realizing we might have not yet learned our lesson.

The truth is, there's no way for me to know how much this really hurts. I've cast myself numb to the touches of future lovers and to be honest I've said too many times that I would cast this out of my mind but, baby, if you loved me, would you leave me?
Could we bury this romance in a candlelight processional and a chorus of holy reverence, how long could we hold each other till our arms crumbled to dust under the six feet of people we once were?
Would our kisses turn to ash so close to new flames we might light?... could either of us stand the flames?
We'll be okay, I know in time this too shall fade but once, I had high hopes. Once I was left confused crying to a plane window and you couldn't tell me anything to ease the chaos in my mind. Why would you offer yourself to me like that if you didn't want me too?
I'm so stressed, pressing on for answers but, maybe there's nothing to find.
I'll move forward.
One day.

I see you everyday
I can hear my heart beat fast
I can tell i'm smiling when I saw you
I can tell when I feel hurt because your with her
I blush red when your near
I lought when your name pops up
I wish you saw how I felt about you
I wish you...could see that we could be more then friends
But your with her
And you look happy
You look like she is everyhting
You look at her, like she is the only thing in the world
Like it's just you and her and no one else
Maybe that could be me and you
But.....You blong with her
And I know that
She is everything
That I will never be

The world always seems to leave me speechless
I don't understand, the things that you needed
Can we trust what they're showing on TV
If reality's a lie

So drag me back to the classics, I think
I need something for this ache
So take me back to yesterday
Today's one day too late

When I don't trust the words of the ones that hold me close
Its getting close enough to be a threat, I think

The air you expel leaves me so **** breathless
With all of this time, I expected advances
So tear down with disregard
There is nothing for me to hide

I wish I could read in a mix of context
Believe you me, this isn't a contest
Tear down this disregard
I've been running short on time

You keep running once you hit the ground
I'm barely here, but you keep screaming at me
Or at least, what used to be
You're late to the party being burnt down in your name

I'm leaving footsteps in the ashes

Every passing moment
Caught staring at the blissful sky
Decorating the ceiling

Awash in the glow
Of light that hides away just out of frame
It's been burning low

Thoughts of my life still beckon, as the world takes a somber tone
But the timing is right, pulled in this effortless misdirection
It's numbing

Found myself here
Why isn't that enough...

A gilded cage. Maybe
I guess
I'd rather let the summer air drench the weathered wood
Another recessed cycle, all timeless til its over
Lie here lifeless
With nothing left to fight
Only time

The little smile you give to me,
When I give you mine:
It's kind of like conspiracy,
Shared in our two minds.
The little giggle that you let fly,
When I let mine fly, too:
It's like laughing gas
Has come to pass
Between us: me and you.
You know what's coming,
And so do I.
No reason to try and hide it.
The smile grows into a grin,
No trace of guile inside it.
Defensively, you try to cover
Everywhere you can,
But you're helpless and you know it,
You can't hide from Daddy's hands!

A squeal of laughter breaks the still:
Anticipation let go in a voice so shrill.
The giggle becomes a full-force gale.
Were both laughing now:
A full-force wail!

Let's play a game,
We'll start from the top,
Just like it's something new.
We'll call this game
"Son and Pop,"
Or maybe just,
"Gonna Get You!"

The darkest of days can have the brightest of nights,

if you look towards the stars and reflect on your life.

The loves that you've grown and the joys that they bloom.

Hugging your mother, and feeling safe like the womb.

The adventures of youth, oh so simple and blissful.

And the first week of spring, hearing singing birds whistle.

The landscape of time with it's summits and peaks,

is ripe for exploring 'til the heart cannot speak.

Times may seem dark but look straight ahead.

'Cause things will get brighter once this day is dead

i met karl denke once
had *** with him too

i met him on myspace,
he was the jealous type
and i loved it,
totally made me feel pretty

i met him in person
his mom called and asked him
who was over and if it was anyone important
he said no

i overheard the whole thing,
but karl made sure that i heard it
because he told me his mom had asked him if
i was his new girlfriend
and that he had said no.
then karl told me that he didn't owe me anything.

he also told me i was too tall,
he was used to shorter woman
"a lot shorter", he said

then another girl called,
he looked at the caller id
and said, "uh oh, i can't take this call now,
i'll call her back later"

karl didn't show me his city,
he kept me in his tiny apartment
it was a bachelor's he said
his refrigerator was very *****

when i got home
karl dumped me
because i asked him if he missed me

after i asked him that
he said:

"that's it, we're through"

he dumped me online
as i was listening to an mp3 file
he had just sent me via yahoo instant messenger

the song was "American Woman"
by the Guess Who,
a canadian rock band, formed in winnipeg in 1965

karl had planned the whole thing,
probably around the time he saw
my body wasn't built for *******

about a year after karl dumped
my american kardashian sized ***,
we spoke on the phone about all his new girlfriends.
karl told me my writing was too angry.

karl is doing really good these days,
he posts book reviews on goodreads.com
about books that i think are popular fiction
but am not sure, since i have never heard of them
and almost never read popular fiction.
karl doesn't care if you like his reviews or not.

his mom posted a picture of him and his latest girlfriend,
who will maybe soon be his wife if she isn't already.
she is a lot shorter, and probably isn't american
so she is good enough for him.

can't wait until karl hangs himself.
i hope his mom posts a picture of that
on her facebook page.