As the morning mist sprayed against my face
my mind splashed through puddles of memories
from a time when we came as an unfastened pair

The depths of my eyes saw darkness,
playing backwards the night you kissed me
in an effort to peacefully disturb my soft sleep on your hard sofa

Your arms squeezed me closer when I shivered
from the coldness of the air and your heart
but my soul started to melt, nonetheless

I stared at you in anger and betrayal
as you smiled at a virtual girl
whose name still twists my stomach into knots

The sunset surrounded us when we walked
in a way that felt like nothing could go wrong
because the air was crisp, and your voice was clear

You rolled your eyes at my decision to dress for rain
but kept moving forward
in an attempt to tell me that you wished you cared more

I didn't tell you why I was upset that night
until six months later when the weight of your body
suddenly seemed too much to bear

He looks happier without her by his side,
He flirts with all the girls he meets,
He doesn't talk to her anymore,
He pretends she doesn't exist

A month later

He glances at her when she isn't looking,
He doesn't understand,
He feels a little lost,
He doesn't fancy the girl by his side

Six months later

He tries to talk to her,
He stopped flirting with all the girls,
He loops his arm around her shoulder,
He doesn't understand why she pushes him away.

A year later

He misses her,
He misses her laugh, smile her words,
He wonders where she is,
All he knows is *She's happy

I want to kiss you all day.
I want to start at dawn.
I want our mouths to dry out by breakfast.
I want our jaws to start cramping by noon.
I want us to question our decision to kiss all day by hour five.
I want to have *** really quickly then seriously stop all this kissing ******* because you need your personal space, apparently.

I thought I had it figured out,
you were in my past,
something that helped me grow that I had moved on from.

But now when new seeds have taken root,
your corpse is still in the back of my mind,
not rotten but perfectly preserved and it's beauty takes my breath away.

I wish I could bring us back to life,
or for your body to decompose and allow me to find warmth in another.
Instead you stay untouched like a porcelain doll on a shelf just out of reach,
and make all the other toys seem less special.

the sweet sound of your voice in the breeze
the musky scent of your cologne
the wrinkles in your cheeks when you smile
these memories engraved in my memory, my conscious brain
and so much more realistic than any vivid dream

your warmth and comfort under a dark sky  
your lips, oh hell, the beginning of a sweet, kind addiction
your hand held in mine, a physical connection separate from emotion
these comforts, my dreams, fulfilled by one sole human
and so wonderfully admirable

the butterflies captured inside of my stomach
the giggles after moments of affection and kind fighting
the fingertips tracing little crevasses of exposed skin
its this that left its mark, like a bruise
your fingerprints left each memory of us captive, hostage

in my sweet memories, these moments last
but in reality, they live more vividly

I wish you would say every thought in your head
While you blissfully stay 'sleep in our bed.
I would stay awake the whole night through
Just so I could hear every word from you.
But you've been asleep for quite a few hours
And I've been having a breakdown that comes in showers.
I've been staying silent so I don't wake you up
But all I want is to be held and rubbed.
I love you so much and the future scares me
I know the road we're on is pretty bumpy.
I feel like when we talk I'm the only one speaking
I know saying what's on your mind isn't very easy.
So I wish you would say every thought in your head
While you blissfully stay 'sleep in our bed.
Then I could stay awake the whole night through
Just so I could hear every word from you.

I am neither a girl
Nor a boy.
I just dress as I please
And sometimes
I wear make up.
I am neither your girlfriend
Nor your boyfriend.
I am your lover.
I whisper
Some three words
To your ear
With a low voice.
And when you anger me
I tell you to *******
In a higher pitch.
I am neither a She
Nor a He.
I am human, only.


F.Z.**N

a couple of months ago i got lost
somewhere between sad and depressed
and i never managed to find my way out.
i've been dwelling among roots
of lost memories and engrave
the reasons why i'm still in love with you
in tree barks,
why i still miss you.
i bet you never even think of looking for me
and i can't stop myself from seeing your face
in every crease of my mind.
i hope you still love me. no,
i wish you'd still love me
because i just know your lips
are resting on someone else's
while mine are covered in layers of dust
left behind by loneliness.
late at night,
i'm haunted by echoes
of the way you say you love him
and it's keeping me awake.
i haven't slept in 5 days.
my heart is crumbling
and it's becoming increasingly harder
to hold it all together.
the feeling of your lips
is a fading memory
and i hate that i can no longer remember
what it felt like to hear you say
that you love me.

You sleep on the left side of the bed,
You always, "ALWAYS" in my head
I stay up late night, while you "sleepin"
Wondering what your "Dreamin"

You sleep on the left side of the bed
thinkin about unmarked trains ahead
I would hate for you to "dread"
So If there was a way "instead,"
I would take off all your worries "ahead"
Only if you promise,
I will never be misled

I sleep on the right side of the "bed,"
Wondering about you in my "head"
Only If I could show my love Just alittle "little" more
There would be opened golden doors
That would restore,
self hatred from the war
For we both soar together and more....