I read somewhere that there is a natural
process of renewing all the cells within
your body. That it takes something around
the time of seven years to substantially
be a new person. So I guess

                                             I’m waiting.

In seven years, I’ll see if my heart wants to
start up again without the scent of your
fabric expelling from each beat or to suddenly
enjoy the unremembered feeling of your skin warmed
close against mine or to experience the exhale of
I love you finally leaving my lungs for the very last time.

hey
                                                                                                                     sup?
nothing. u?
                                                                         im ona date with u know who
dude I thawt u and her were thru
                                                                                            i did 2 dude I did 2


so how's it goin????
                                                                                                         badly dude
                                                                        she yelled at me for eatin food!
*** that's fuckingrude
                                                                well shes a ***** I shouldv knewed.


hows the date with such and such?
                                                                          she said i used her as a crutch
                                                          she sad i don't talk and i text too much
jesus dude what a butch!
***** I mean

even though we said we were in love i often found my fingers wrapped around another cigarette than intertwined with your fingers. my lips have touched more bottles of ***** than your bottom lip. i felt more empty being with you than sitting in my room at 3 a.m bawling my eyes out for the 3rd time this week because you looked at that girl in a more passionate way than you've ever looked at me. in fact I'm not even sure that those were butterflies i was feeling in my stomach or the pain of knowing that you wouldn't be mine for long. i fill all the empty holes in my heart with things that will make me end up being more empty.

03.09.2013
i've gone to bed around 7 today. the feeling of being awake without you is becoming unbearable. i still don't understand why you left. i never got any explanation. i miss you. everything is so cold. i think i want to die.

31.10.2013
i tried using ***** to make someone's lips taste like yours. but when i kissed them it felt like i was pouring my blood into a bottomless vase and everyone could see how i was failing miserably at trying to fill an empty well with a handful of water.

14.11.2013
i barely leave the house because i'm afraid that i might see you with him. you always look so happy. why do you look so happy without me. you said you loved me.

22.12.2013
i tried turning my sadness into a corpse of words and the burying it in 6 feet of blank pages, but every night i am visited by the ghost of the feelings i attempted to forget.

03.01.2014
it's been so long since i've had alcohol in my system. i've become numb enough to no longer need substances to make me forget whatever is happening around me. the pain has faded over time, but i still don't feel any less dead, let alone alive.

10.02.2014
my parents keep asking me why i'm always so quiet. thing is that i could never answer them, because your name is constantly clogging my throat. i see you in everything around me and late-night breezes have started to sound like lost echoes of your voice. your smell is still clinging to my sheets. god, help me.

15.03.2014
i'm drunk again. i miss you and everything hurts. i couldn't resist. i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm so so sorry i love you i miss you please come back i love you i love y

I love you just the way you are,
but you don't see you like I do.
You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect.
Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Our love was a roller coaster.
It had ups and downs and I sat real close to her.
It had a real slow climb and a real quick drop.
I screamed "faster" and she begged it to stop.
I put up my hands and she held on tight.
Not a second of boredom on our rickety flight.
And when it came to a stop at that first safer place,
I said, "Let's do it again," and she puked in my face.

Her eyes were like fire.
They weren't red or anything.
Not particularly warm, either.
They didn't glow or "appear to glow,"
whatever that means.

But they had that same strange blend of
familiar and miraculous---
and they were always nice to look at
after a long day of doing things.

He held me close
And I could feel his pulse
His sweat was on my palm
I tried but I couldn't stay calm
he rubbed his chest against me
the friction sparked a desire in me
I could feel him inside me
as he exploded his emotions physically
And mentally
it's was a strange pleasure
that I wish to treasure .

Don't tell you love her if you can't handle her during her bad times
don't tell her you love her if you can't handle her temper
don't tell her you love her if you can only think about her  *****
don't tell her you love her if you only love her looks
tell her you love her if you will be beside her till the end of time