i fell for an impossible heartbeat
i could never feel.
spat into a well of despair
to give it a piece of me.

eventually
i got tired of crying
of bleeding
of caring
of dripping
with desperation.
love me love me love me love me
emanating from my skin.

i will not be someone
with so much feeling
that i am numb.
that i go through the day
afraid
of how crumbled i've become.

so i took a pen and wrote
until the ink
carved you out of my heart
and i felt the
dam rise
and the flooding stop
and the pain trickle away.

oh how wonderful it is to be free.
spilling dreams on
a lined page
and hopes
onto someone new
someone
who isn't you.

don't get me wrong,
i care about you.
you're still my baby blue ford
in a way.
you are still a green light
shining in the distance.

but now, it's daytime here.
and the sun shines brighter here,
so your light
isn't so grand anymore,
you know?

I'm drowning.
I'm fighting but I can't breathe.
The water is cold and I am weak.
I just want to sink.
Forgive me.

Your living words are life to me
They provide the air I daily breathe
They are the bliss filling my heart
The eternal love of which I dream

Oh Lord, you are my truest treasure
The song my heart daily seeks to sing
My love exists to praise you only
For the happiness your spirit brings

I shall never look away from you
Nor your love will I ever forsake
In your shadow, I will walk gladly
With each step in life, I daily take

The whole of me will humbly serve you
Each day my soul is allowed to live
And I will never forget your blessing
When you spoke the words...I forgive.

First world issues got your bundle in a knot
brothers being labeled by police and getting shot
Many are confused with the delusion in the plot
which keeps us separated so the fed can reap his crop..
Its not
Ok
It stops
Today
The "strong" will pay
The weak
Will say
No more..
show your insecurities the door
We need to build each other like we never have before..
i tell my brother everything his ego needs to hear
So we can push up forward with the ******* in the rear..
say hi ; to victory as weakness leaves your side
Get used to different company and bolster forth your stride..

You have taught me so much.
How to love, let go, trust, and forgive.
-for that I am thankful.

I said you would be my year,
That clearly did not happen,
-but you've allowed me to grow.

After several moves, I'm finally content,
Progress is being made.
-I'm still alive.

I look back on this past year and all I have been through,
I keep asking myself, "why me?"
-but I guess that answer has fled in the winds.

2017, I look forward to you.
Success, happiness, self-love, -I need you.

I may be starting another year with a broken heart but God, if there is one thing I ask of you,
Please don't let this bitterness fester within me.

God needs no defending
God is love
God is good
What is good is evident
It feels good

God needs no defending
God loves in spite of evil
God chooses us even if we don't choose God
To light The Christ in all of us

To destroy in God's name is defiling
God can love even through this misguided attempt
God needs no defending
All is done through love
For every emotion stems from it
or the lack of it

We are not separate from God
We are collectively God
We can only turn away from ourselves
Placing our faith and trust in man
and the here and now
and you zombies don't know what it means
and you keep on keeping on
believing a fake reality
As if nothing else exists
while discounting the truth in your soul
In the aether, in your heart,
God needs no defending
To do so is to believe that we are greater than the collective
That God is weak
God is enlightened consciousness
Only the blind Christ maims in its own honor
God needs no defending
God only requires choice
The choice to love inspite of evil
To choose us even if we don't choose God
To reveal the Christdom in all of us
God requires no defending
Only choice.

Ammonia*

Burnt pieces of my heart
with your spit on them,
burnt pieces I want to send away
and never see again...
They are just unwanted souvenirs
from lies I don't want to hear again,
presents I don't want to receive again.

Seething for what
seemed like an eternity,
I am finally unleashing all
the pent up fire;
your time for my mercy
and forgiveness has
expired.

I am slowly coming to terms
with the damage you have caused;
I was a city and then
you ravaged me...
covered me in bruises,
tattoos, smoke and graffiti.

Suffocating me,
you smell of cunning endeavors,
childish behaviors;
a touch of you is
toxic enough to make me
wish I didn't breathe.
My lips might say otherwise,
my mind might even say otherwise,
but my ammonia-soaked bones
will never forgive you.

Forgiveness
                           In life
                               Is
                E V E R Y T H I N G

Cherie Nolan © 2016

They said that I should forgive you, for I won’t be able to write. Those people who can’t forgive will have a hard time writing.

I prove them wrong.

This pain that I feel are the words that I write. This broken heart that I have is the reason that keeps me going.

I still can’t forgive. How can you easily forgive someone who gave you so much memories to miss? How can you easily forget those memories if they made you the happiest? How can I forgive him if he took that happiness away...because he took himself away from me?

How can you forgive someone if he made you live in a dream you’ve always wanted only to leave, just like that?

I still can’t forgive. I still can’t let go because I know that because of this pain, I always knew that it was all real.