Above and beyond the clouds of my endless sky,
I found a "small challenge" to finding my sweet,
She'd gone away to College and found a cute guy,
This is the reason each day I do not happily greet.

My joy is an illusion, I hide myself from the pain,
I beat this image out of my mind again and again and
Again. But still it returns-her and him-hell I've not even
Seen his face but I can imagine mine like a dismal disgrace.

I confess to the world I am a failure at best,
I had your hand, your heart but failed your test,
And now I am put back in my box to rust and to rot,
To be happy at the bottom is worse than sad at the top.

I was needed by one person.
They used me to clean up their mess,
to protect others from seeing.
I absorbed their blood, their mood swings,
everything about them that others hated
but I loved.

They tossed me, without a second thought,
on the street for others to laugh at.
Without knowing whose blood stained me,
they saw someone used up to the point
of being nothing but a disgrace to the public eye.

After everything I did for you,
you simply used me and left me to be judged
like a ****** on the sidewalk.

He wonders  what's wrong
but I cannot tell him
No dad, it’s not my friends, it’s that place
the temple where I feel like a disgrace
I thought I would rather die than go there
then your words make me feel so scared
No dad, it’s not my friends, it is you
making me do things I don’t want to do
You don’t even try to understand my shade
That is what makes me feel so afraid

My mind is wasted

On disgrace and hate

My life moves

At a 100 mile rate

I want to find an exit

But the highway just goes on

My heart beats fast

And everything seems wrong

I’m a skinny little nothing

A failure at the least

I’m dead at the most

I couldn’t defeat the beast

I am lost

I am numb

When I cut,

The pain…

It never comes

So I slice my skin

Watch the blood run down

My mutilated arm

I hear noises

But there is no sound

I feed the addiction

Then I go to sleep

I wake up with a jolt

I roll over and weep

I’m suddenly angry

I hate the whole world

Alone with my thoughts

Hate

Hate

Hate

Hate

I hate myself

But now I’m late

I’m skipping class

I don’t want to face

My teachers

For their eyes

Will flood with disappointment

I’m a failure

I know

I am a disappointment

I’m scared

But my fears

Are stupid

And irrational

The thought of death

I can’t even fathom

But the thought of life

It haunts me at night

What comes with tomorrow?

The light after the night

I scream in my head

My thoughts are so loud

My thoughts are so fast

I act

My feelings

Sorrow filled

Cutting again

My blood is spilled

The bipolar addiction

My feelings in a whirl

I can’t control

The monster

In this girl

I’m stuck in confusion

I’m out of my mind

I’ve lost track of time

I’m stuck on rewind

I am lost

I am numb

When I cut,

The pain…

It never comes.

I’m fighting this war

Behind my closed door

I sit on the floor

It’s happening more

More than before

It eats at my core

Behind my closed door

It’s a painful ****** war

I look at the clock

It’s late

And I can’t stop

I rock

Tears falling from my face

And I can’t stop

I slice

I burn

And pick up the pace

There’s no more flesh

Just a river of red

The pain is unbearable

So I crawl into bed

It’s 8 o’clock

I head to school

Wearing long-sleeved shirts

Because I am so cruel

Cruel to my mind

And more to my body

It’s an endless war

That I won’t win

Behind my closed door

Let the night begin.

Here lies a broken girl

With broken dreams

In a broken world

With a broken heart

That refuses to start

What a lonely broken girl



Here I lay

And here I’ll stay

In this ugly broken world.

In and out
Breathe
Stay strong
I'm trying
Stop cutting
Be a good girl
Smile
I can't
Hopeless
Waste of space
Disgrace
*I know

Spears from eyes
Devour your face
Repeal reality of you