Hey dysphoric trans girl,

I see you.
Your outfit is really cute today.
And I'm really proud of you for getting
Our of bed with such grace.
The weight of dysphoria is heavy
Let me carry it with you.
You're essential to the world we live in.
You're more than a trending topic.
Your bodies existence is a radical act
And it's survival is worthy of celebration
Disappointment *****.
Being able to still be disappointed
Means you are engaged in your life.
You are an active player.
That's good!
Every part of you is a girl.
Especially the part you don’t like today.
Your voice, hands, and feet are feminine
What else could they be

Love,
A dysphoric trans boy

Why did you have to make me hate myself for loving you?

Why do I have to live with the memories of you when all I want to do is forget?

Why did you have to destroy all I ever thought of you?

Why did you make me lose every hope in love?

When you let someone in, they can let you down.
And when you get let down, you fall.
You fall hard and it hurts.
It hurts to feel that you were betrayed.
It hurts to know that someone you had trusted only told you lies.
It hurts to realize that you were stupid.
You opened yourself up, took down your walls for someone.
Someone you thought would be there for you.
But it turns out that they weren't.
So you fell.
And it hurt.
And no one is there to help you get back up.
Except you.
Sometimes you is all you have.
And sometimes you have to be enough.

When I was a youth
I expected the world to be good to me,
I expected people to treat me fairly, kindly and justly,
and I was disappointed, hurt and angry
when I was treated unfairly, unkindly and unjustly.

Now that I am wiser
I realise
that people are broken and suffering
and struggling to cope with life,
and they care more about their own survival and pleasure
than they care about being kind, fair and just to me,
so I no longer expect the world to be good to me
and I no longer feel disappointed, hurt and angry;
Now I feel compassion for people
And I take responsibility
to treat people fairly, kindly and justly,
and I make my best attempt
to lead people to treat me fairly, kindly and justly.

tired
no,
tired won’t justify this

my heart is hollow
i help my friends to be who they are
to feel good inside,
but i’m left with nothing
no thank you’s , no ‘are you okay’
no.. anything.
and when they do ask is out of sympathy. they don’t really care
they just want to ask back because when you ask how are you to someone, don’t you feel like they have to say it back?
when my friends cry, i cry, when they fear, i fear and when they feel love, i feel love
but do they ever express gratitude?
they use me like a toy
once you’re happy you leave me behind
you don’t even bother to ask how i am.
the feeling of being disappointed is reaching every where within my body and i just want everything to stop
you might think i’m selfish. for wanting credit for your happiness
i just want to feel like i’m needed, appreciated, loved.
to feel like a friend and not just a paper you write your feelings on.

tired
no,
tired won’t justify this.

My stomach is in a knot
Because as my lips are being traced by yours
My name is on the tip of your tongue
But you don't spit it out
You complain about the song

I saved you form his claws.
I helped you with your flaws.
Provided you assistance,
Gave you resistance...
I catch you when you fall...
I hoped you would answer my call...
You left me down the pit,
Refused to give me a hand,
Nor to stay for a bit...
Instead, you went to the higher land.
Time has passed,
You come back to just look at me
Then leave again for each day that pass
I chose to do something for me...
I saved myself even my hands bleed.
Because you didn't hear my bid.
Now you come back to me and plead for my aid...
But I insisted for I am not your maid.

I disappointed myself today
Not that it probably would have mattered
Because sometimes I'm just sad
And today is one of those days
So, I'm going to sit.
On my couch.
In sweats.
Eating chips.
Watching TV.
Writing poetry.
Until it stops hurting.

I could never be disappointed in you
The moon and stars shy away when you come out
The sun envy’s your smile
So do I
You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me
I could never be disappointed in you

When I was little my mother was always near
I did as I was told no questions asked
Until the age of twelve when everything was clear

I began to quesiton the things I was tasked
Caring less and less if mother was around
Acting reckless keeping my feelings masked

My friends and I would terrorize the town
Giving no regards to others and acting like fools
It was five years before the old me was found

I found relief in music so it became my tool
The stress of my parents was too much to take
I wanted to give up on everything including school

I rarely asked for much and made my own cake
But I was sick and tired of not having freedom
So I signed my life away for some rank

When I graduated I left for a few seasons
The confidence I gained was what I'd needed
Although my absence was for no clear reason

As my eyes open wide my mind becomes heated
Everybody is ignorant whether they agree or not
I have new standards for how I need to be treated

I promise I've been through more I've been through alot
Treat me with resepct and understanding when I speak
Being right sometimes doesnt add value to your thoughts

Thinking a lot means not that I overthink
Listening not to me but others is destructive
I know from experience not from a link

I'm not a child anymore that little boy is rusted
I'm a grown man that has his own views
But I still make mistakes on who should be trusted

If the effort is mainly on one side who has to choose
When nobody wants to make up I have to grown upwards
Because my sidekick Watson surely doenst get the clues

Yet I'm still competing against myself for no rewards
The effort I put in doesnt reciprocate
So I get edgy because I have a goal I'm working towards

Every conversation feels like a new debate
My relations are irrelivent and you don't listen
You aren't honest most often being fake

No being mad you're never wrong in your vision
Of course those rules never apply to me
Tu eres el hefe and thats your mission

The point is that I've matured in ways you wont see
I grow weary of your demands and lack of understanding
and I still find myself wanting to be free

What goes up must come down and I'm landing
I hope I maintain my composure and retain sanity
My last one took that from me without my planning

In the process I was filled with vanity
I pray you're not the same resulting in a tragedy