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Luna Egbert Jun 2019
tired won’t justify this

my heart is hollow
i help my friends to be who they are
to feel good inside,
but i’m left with nothing
no thank you’s , no ‘are you okay’
no.. anything.
and when they do ask is out of sympathy. they don’t really care
they just want to ask back because when you ask how are you to someone, don’t you feel like they have to say it back?
when my friends cry, i cry, when they fear, i fear and when they feel love, i feel love
but do they ever express gratitude?
they use me like a toy
once you’re happy you leave me behind
you don’t even bother to ask how i am.
the feeling of being disappointed is reaching every where within my body and i just want everything to stop
you might think i’m selfish. for wanting credit for your happiness
i just want to feel like i’m needed, appreciated, loved.
to feel like a friend and not just a paper you write your feelings on.

tired won’t justify this.
yea I don’t know.
  Jan 2019 Luna Egbert
most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.
Luna Egbert Jan 2019
my heart felt heavy
and I couldn't find a reason as to why it's feeling like this
I ponder as the moonlight glistens my room
making it look somewhat, dreamy.

I don't understand
I have a happy family
happy life, good friends,
yet this unseen sadness grows
becoming more dominant each and every
changing day

It makes me feel sick
I am worrying profoundly about nothing
the feeling of fear, worry and pure heaviness of
the abyss of thoughts
lays there, in my chest, in my heart.
And I can't get rid of it

It makes me want to scream
it makes me want to scratch my chest
and dig to find that feeling
to toss it out
but I can't

I cry easily
I became more sensitive towards things
Is it my loneliness?
or is it the locked up feeling of disappointment
buried in so deep
that I had forgotten that I had felt it ever so often?

What will my friends think of me?
the girl who tries to keep everyone around her happy;
who tries to put their feelings first;
who always laughs at every told joke;
who says yes so they won't have to feel disappointed;
and if ever they felt disappointed towards her
it would break her soul,

why is she feeling like this?

What have become of me?
This sounds very emo but I'm writing what I am feeling right now so yea.

— The End —