When I was 12
I was hiking with my family, we sat on the edge of a cliff at the top of a mountain,
we were over looking the painted landscape

I remember looking at our feet in the empty air
and I asked my older sister:
“do you ever just want to jump..?”

She nodded and replied with:
“yeah shay.. :) I always wished I could fly too..”

and that is the first time..
that I realized that my head was different.

Because while she was
thinking of jumping to fly..
I was thinking of jumping to die..

and that’s when I started hiding my head lol
followed by a life of hiding self destruction.

And I guess loving you
became a habit, so here
I am trying to conquer it
but as they say,
‘old habits die hard’.

©Desired Dreamer (Bhupen)

Human greatest fear, is the unknown.
To not know, or unknown, is to not grasp.
Humans fear what they cannot control.
Death, is human greatest fear.

Under heaven, no mortal can resist death.
A king would be overthrown;
An emperor would rot;
The world extinguish;
The stars dim;
Such is death!

Death, tiny yet holds an endless profound mystery.
It cannot be held, cannot be touched, cannot be seen.
The dead cannot speak;
The living cannot see.
How could the living see the dead that cannot speak?

Death is the mother of life.
Close, yet so distant;
For deaths give birth to life;
Life, then give birth to death.

Death is the cause, life is effect.
Life is cause, death is effect;
Causality, difficult to grasp.

Mortal, who bears the spirit of the living;
cannot grasp deaths.
Mortal, who bears the spirit of the dead;
cannot grasp life.

Heaven lent you a soul, Earth will lend a grave;
All debt is paid without seeking to repay.
The samsara of life and death,
Who can escape?

The soul, are to return to heaven;
The body, are to return to earth;
Who can resist?
The evil is dreaded by men but not heaven;
Evil and right, no different in its eyes.

Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.

A masquerade of perpetual fear,
          for all steps were in unison.
For who would misstep with
         unkept flames catching
                        each indiscretion.

Hollow melodies capture the soul,
           bounding it with this dance
of the dead, neither a  choreography
         but a chain of resonance
        where bones scrunch in fatigue.

The hell fire ball, where all burn eventually,
        Singed gowns, and suits charred.
But the devil is in the details,
and we shall dance till we bleed of die.

           Perfection is a demon of fulfilment...

It's all been said.
It's all been done.
Think you're broke and lonely?
You're not the only one.
Living in a world so isolated
So cold.
They say the only ones
who survive do what they're told.
But that's just what they want you to think.
They don't want you to find the power you have inside.
So get your thoughts together, wake up and let's ride.
We're going to say
what we need to say
and whether we succeed or die, at least we can say we tried