Often times I'm too much
But in a sense still not enough

I'd like to say I'm a work in progress
To cut myself a little slack

But in all honesty I'm a mess
And I guess that's why they call me a storm to be reckoned with
I tend to be more destructive than I am constructive

I taste sweet nectar
each night I sleep without you
clawing at the fabric of my dreams
seeding my subconscious with self-doubt

Mr Resentment and Mrs Regret
my erstwhile lovers
one, cajoling and seductive
the other, spooning and insistent
together, sleep-deprived and unsated
we made for a corrupt ménage à trois

I taste sweet nectar
every night I spend with you
my new bedfellow
Ms Forgiveness

Such a day
Such a night.
Quite a sight to see my old friend,
Just like we have every night.

Clyde my friend it's been a while,
Yet I see you everywhere with a warm smile.
My inspiration and my pal.
My only one I can see when all are gone.

Not a word you say,
but if you could,
You would question of where I stay.

"Why so astray from all those who love you dear?
Is there something you fear?
Or something you despise.
Either way, I know how you lie so don't try."

Clyde,
Why should I see you and speak a word when all you do is see me sink in to the abyss of depression.
While I cry and try to think of why I don't need to waste time of making my mind believe there's some kind of guide or ally that I can rely on or whine on...

Clyde,
Why am I an oddity.
Why could I never lie down my life all those times I wanted to just...

Why...

Heh...

It's okay Clyde... I don't know why either.





Goodnight.

I was always told that because I have my father’s temper as well my mother’s insanity,

I should stay away from anything that makes my heart fill with warmth, and my eyes fill with stars

Because my natural tendency is to destroy everything good that comes my way.

It’s as if I am a hurricane sweeping through a city, destroying the beautiful architecture and nature;

With a single touch I have the capability to turn things that were once gold into a rusty penny you find on a sidewalk.

You see, I never met anyone who could make my heart fill with warmth and my eyes fill with stars until I met you

The trail of destruction I left in the past was ignored when you smiled at me

Yet I still chose to ignore the reminder echoing in my mind like an alarm.

I’ve never been one to listen to advice so,

I held your fragile heart in my hands and hoped it would be the one to break the streak of destruction.

But in the end, I ruined you 
Just like I was warned about as a child.

My insanity and temper got the best of me and
I'm laying in bed wondering how I ruined the one thing I cared about most.  
It always amazes me how such a gentle person can turn into a complete storm;
Destroying those around,
Breaking the ones they care about,
Demolishing relationships.
It's like a switch is turned on inside me and within a matter of seconds I'm a completely different person.
I hate who I am
I want to be better
I'm trying.

I’m Self Destructive and I don’t know how not to be
I want to be productive but the demons in my head don’t agree

They say “who needs to pass classes, who needs to go to work”
These voices in my head are my one catastrophic quirk  

I try to be good, I try to do be headstrong
But these monsters refuse to stop their stupid song

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to be
If only the monsters in my head will just shut up and let me be me.

your mouth creates hurricanes
when all that fiery anger erupts
straight upwards through  
the icy oceans
within your stomach
filled from mental tears
upwards off your lips
those destructive hurricanes
are not supposed to make
landfall
on this body.