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Clay Face Feb 2020
I’ve fallen through a stage. Call it a phase, but I lay here sick. I don’t remember eating butterflies, but I need to purge. This loathing is my ailment. The misdirection of it, and the essence of it. But I’ve fallen out just know, and I realize that part of my spin is through. I can start a new.

I need someone too sink into me. I need her head, laid upon my chest. To hear her breath within mine, would be the best. Warm my cold loneliness, through her *******. Her beauty infests. Comfort me, as I spew, apostatize, and change view. Lay my hand upon her back, pull her tightly.

I’m not ready for, ***. Nor is my stomach ready to digest. I’m in need of comfort, a new mind in my head. Lonely and resent, replace and repent. I cry for help silently, I ignore my weeps. Stand in nothing, take no action too. I need her arms around me, weak and feebly. I’ll sink into her arms, melt into infancy. I need to be alone with someone else, besides me.

Hear my cry, weakly. I’ve never been with someone, feeling.
Jason Adriel Feb 2020
O, speak, Torment! I shall lament no more; no more of this uncertainty in which I have been thrown in, no more of this game in which my Virtues always win, in which I always surrender to the tenderness and reproach of the Lady. I, too, wish to speak my mind up. For I love thee not like a cat loves a mouse, like a dandy dragoon Captain loves a Cossack woman. But I love thee like a young man falling headlong in love, like the Priest loves his God, a devotion only a man who had long been tormented by solitude and uncertainty could gather in his heart, like a dying man grasping for his last breath; but do tell me: dost thou despise me? O, this torment of uncertainty!
An odd one, this one
Mari Feb 2020
I desperately needed you then
now,
I desperately need you to
let go.
Dominique Feb 2020
I hate pottering around inside my mind
With no reason or rhyme, like I'm retired-
Poking through cobwebbed corners,
Pulling at age-old tablecloths, considering
A garden party for me and my little lost smile
There in the half-wild,
With the sun like messy oil I'll have to wash
Out of my hair and clothing when I'm done.

I hate playing docile card games alone,
Laying out plans like pictures I'll never colour in-
My doughy brain pokes stimulus off the shelf  
And traps itself in kindergarten daydreams;
I fingerpaint endlessly,
Defining the world through crayon senses,
Crushing, mushing cookies and shaking
Clumsy maraca beats.

If only I could lie down in soft rustic flesh
Snatching handfuls of it to conceal my skin
Finally, finally filling myself in
Buried alive for good
And be expelled, again, into blazing harshness
Choking on the earth that forms my body
Crying, crying for hope and fresh presence
Coming to life for good.
This is an old poem I've just found and I don't know how I feel about it, but unlike most of them it's actually finished so here it is.
maddie Jan 2020
i lie awake at night
staring into the darkness
desperate to feel
the shadows of your touch
on my body once more
Abdullah Ayyash Jan 2020
To optimists, cheerful and hopeful men
The rain will wipe down all sand castles
The mellow fields,
         where I grow my dreams
Die slowly under my autumn trees
Blue skies get darker with every sin
The ocean gets utterly mad,
          when carrying nothing but desperate men
And the faces I once loved are getting dull
I don't need a hand as I can't reach
I don't need a lighthouse as I lost my sight
I don't need a day as I can't surpass the night
© Copyright
Abdullah Ayyash
January 14th, 2020
Holly Jan 2020
I stay up late at night
restlessly thinking
about all the things I could’ve been.
I could’ve been so happy,
that my smile alone
would’ve been enough
to keep you here.
I could’ve been a volcanic
rush of anger,
so when you hurt me
I could’ve burned you to ash
while you walked away from me.
I could’ve been so sad,
that my tears would’ve flooded
the hole at our feet and
drowned you down with me.

Instead,
I watched you take from me
all I could’ve been
and said nothing.
And I reached my hands out
towards your back,
yearning for you to turn around
and see the desperation
plastered on my face,
that I was unable to say out loud.
Empire Jan 2020
Just because the bottles say your name
Doesn’t mean it’s not self-medication
You don’t get to pick and choose
You aren’t curating a selection
You need to throw them away
I know you’re not okay
But you will make things worse
If you choose
To self-medicate
So many **** pills...
******* self control...
I’m just desperate and just destructive enough to want to try....
atptla Jan 2020
Long are the nights now
When dreams are no longer kind
Through air prowls the imminence of death
Soaks my soul, the mirth has gone
In my weariness all seem dull
Nothing to feel or imagine
Still hearing her voice, my hearse
Bedimming the memories left behind
In the moment of despair
A haunting melody pours from my lips
And fades into lurking darkness
Carving out my eyes to see
The secrets behind the shattered drapery
A journey through the lands of nihil
I've been here before
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